As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Tag Archives: Satire

Nancy Pelosi’s Christmas Prayer for President Trump

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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi claims she prays for President Trump. Of course, nobody believes this.

But the White House Dossier investigative team was able to enter her church after Christmas services and find a copy of her prayer, for Donald Trump, still in her pew.

What follows is the prayer itself, appearing for the very first time here on White House Dossier.


Dear God, I offer this prayer for our president, Donald Trump . . .

I pray that, during the State of the Union, his teleprompter displays Google Map directions to Nova Scotia.

I pray that, despite overcooking his steaks, a bacteria survives in one of them, and makes him sick.

I pray that Santa leaves a lump of clean coal in his sock.

I pray that Melania leaves him for Stephen Miller.

I pray that because of global warming, Mar-a-Lago falls into the sea and washes up in some shithole country.

I pray that Steny Hoyer finally asks me out.

I’m sorry God, that’s the wrong prayer.

Back to Trump.

I pray that Jerry Nadler stops asking me out.

Okay, okay.

I pray that Rudy Giuliani keeps having too many glasses of red wine at the Trump Hotel before going on Fox News.

I pray that Auntie Maxine Waters rents the Lincoln Bedroom for two months.

I pray that he travels to my district in San Francisco and steps in human shit.

And I pray that he wins reelection, because then I can impeach him again and again and again.


Do you have any thoughts on the kinds of prayers Ms. Pelosi might offer for the president?

Video || SNL Does the Dems

Well, I gotta say, nice to have a little bipartisanship going on at Saturday Night Live.

For a show that is too often not the least bit as hilarious as it thinks it is, I thought this was pretty good.

Someone made a pretty good point to me, that every year, everyone says Saturday Night Live used to be funny.

I thought about it. And then I decided. I think it used to be funny.

This is actually from the Saturday before last, but I’m just catching up, having turned the show off after failing to be amused by the opening sketch.