As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Tag Archives: Queen Elizabeth

Trump Repeatedly Sexually Harassed Ted Cruz, Saying He’d “Do Anything”

President Trump repeatedly and gruesomely sexually harassed Republican Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, White House Dossier has learned, sending out tweets in January 2016 suggesting that Cruz would have sex with Goldman Sachs and that Cruz and Jeb Bush would use their bodies to maintain political power.

The shocking harassment was repeated Tuesday when some of the most profound minds in journalism and politics recognized similar language in a widely criticized tweet Trump made about Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-N.Y.

In that tweet, Trump alleged Gillibrand would “do anything” – “anything,” obviously, including sex – for his campaign contributions back when he was in the private sector.*

*No double entendre intended by use of the term “private sector.”

Shockingly, Trump used the very same language in reference to Cruz and Jeb Bush.

Some astute observers noticed Trump’s use of the term “begging” – in quotes – with respect to Gillibrand, phrasing which obviously somehow has something to do with sex. White House Dossier can now reveal that Trump in fact used the same term in July 2013 when he accused the Obama administration of offering to have sex with Russia in order to secure the release of Edward Snowden.

Fortunately, within hours of Trump’s sexist tweet about Gillibrand, Elizabeth Warren, a Native American senator from the state of Massachusetts, picked up on the insult and tweeted that Gillibrand would not be “slut shamed.”

White House Dossier, which prides itself on performing accountability – I mean doing accountability – I mean, oh forget it – will continue to monitor Trump’s tweets for sexy language.

H/T Fox News and Mark Levin.

Lobster Ravioli and Expensive Cow Meat for the Queen

Only the best for Queen Elizabeth tonight as President and Mrs. Obama hosts her at the U.S. Ambassador’s residence in London as a formal thank you for giving Obama – literally – the royal treatment.

From the pool report:


The three course meal will include lobster ravioli, griddled filet of aged Highlands beef, crushed jersey royals with rosemary, asparagus and minted broad beans, topped off with classic pecan pie and brandy ice cream for dessert.


American Tony Award winning singer and actress Kristin Chenoweth (born July 24, 1968) will perform after the dinner.

Attendees at the dinner include:

Her Majesty The Queen; The Duke of Edinburgh; Rt. Honorable David Cameron; Mrs. Samantha Cameron; Viscountess Astor; Admiral James Stavridis; Lady Ashton of Upholland; Mr. Tom Hanks; Mr. Tim Collins; Mr. David Beckham; Mrs. Doris Kearns Goodwin; Mr. Colin Firth; Mrs. Marjorie Susman; Mr. Chris Dercon; Mrs. Ffion Hague; Mr. Joshua Berger; and Ms. J.K. Rowling.

Oops: Orchestra Strikes Up as Obama Toasts the Queen

Notice that as Obama stumbles a bit in his toast – probably because he’s set the script down on the table and can barely see it – the orchestra figures he’s done and starts to play.

This would never have happened if TOTUS was in the house.

Anyway, what are we doing toasting queens in the first place? Gosh, I guess the monarchy looks good on Britain, but every time I hear a U.S. president having to accomodate royalty by talking about “Your majesty this” or “Your majesty that” I want to throw something out the window. Anything.

Like, if she says something, or walks across the room, is it by definition “majestic?”

“You eat your salad so majestically, your majesty.”

At least Elizabeth isn’t actually in charge, like the feudal chieftains of the Middle East and elsewhere.