In the history of mankind, many republics have risen, have flourished for a less or greater time, and then have fallen because their citizens lost the power of governing themselves and thereby of governing their state. TR

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Obama and Biden Mess Up the BP Brass

The White House meeting today between  President Obama, Vice President Biden, and BP’s top execs will begin at 10:15 am ET and end at 10:35 am. It is possible that 20 minutes not enough time to get substantive work done. We’re optimists, but here is how the meeting is nevertheless likely to go: 10:10 am: BP executives nervously take their places in the Oval Office.

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Obama Attempts to Address the Nation

FROM THE OVAL OFFICE Good evening. It’s an honor to be speaking to you for the first time from the Oval Office. (Silence) Is it . . .  why isn’t it rolling? Thank you for letting me – CAN WE GET THE TELEPROMPTER WORKING??? (Silence) CAN WE GET THE TELEPROMPTER WORKING??? (Silence) OK, let’s just wing it. Thank you, my American fellows, for letting me

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Obama Eats Fish From Gulf, Survives for Now

While members of his Secret Service detail were observing a hot chick sunbathing on the beach, President Barack Obama today ate some fish from the Gulf of Mexico “I had some of that seafood for lunch and it was delicious,” Obama told reporters in Theodore, Ala. As Obama took his third bite of fried flounder, one of the agents noticed what was happening, dived onto

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BP Execs Headed for the White House

In the latest sign that the White House is operating behind the curve on the oil spill, word is trickling out this morning that BP brass have been summoned to the West Wing for a meeting. In a secret internal BP memo unearthed by White House Dossier, BP executives have been instructed to place small couch pillows in the back of their underpants in amid

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Yo Tony Hayward, It’s Obama Calling!

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs today came under withering fire from reporters at the daily White House briefing about why President Obama continues not to get on the horn with BP CEO Tony Hayward. Gibbs sounded less than eloquent in trying to explain the unexplainable, which of course is a press secretary’s job, so don’t feel too sorry for him. GIBBS: Well, as I

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President Obama’s Head Falls Off

As part of its effort to show Obama cares, the White House has added ANOTHER daily briefing to the president’s schedule, this one on the “BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill.” I first noticed this yesterday on Tuesday”s schedule, and now it’s back for Wednesday’s. When Obama took office, there was only one daily briefing, the regular presidential session on intelligence. This of course was enough

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I Want to Kicketh Thy Ass

A former Constitutional law professor yesterday said he has been trying to figure out “whose ass to kick” in order to solve the oil spill crisis in the Gulf. The professor, who recently got a job as president of the United States, has been accused of failing to show emotion as the crisis winds on and criticized for not banging enough heads. With the statement,

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Lunchtime for Barack and Joe

The scene is the Oval Office. The weekly private lunch between President Obama and Vice President Biden is just getting under way. Obama and Biden are sipping iced tea and dipping their roles into plates of olive oil. The president is speaking. Obama: So Joe, as I was saying, though I really enjoy our weekly lunches, I was thinking every two weeks might be a

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Obama Cancels Asia Trip, Again

The White House has announced that Obama is canceling his upcoming trip to Indonesia and Australia for the second time, promising to get to them later. Here is a statement from Gibbs: President Obama spoke tonight with Prime Minister Rudd of Australia, and with President Yudhoyono of Indonesia.  President Obama expressed his deep regret that he has to postpone his trip to Asia that was

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Top Ten Things Obama Should Have Done About the Oil Spill

Everyone knows by now that the BP oil spill is Obama’s fault. I mean, last I checked, the Gulf of Mexico was part of America – or at least damn close – and Obama is the PRESIDENT of America. So he should have done something, I mean SOMETHING to stop this. But most people criticize him without having any idea what SPECIFICALLY he was supposed

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Obama to BP: Drop Dead

President Obama today appeared in the Rose Garden to drive home the point that BP is bad people and he’s got nothing to do with them. And by the way, they might land in jail too. We will absolutely continue to hold B.P. and any other responsible parties accountable for financial losses born by the people in the region . . .  If our laws

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Obama Blames Millard Fillmore for Oil Spill

President Millard Fillmore (1850-1853) had taken a lot of crap over the years, but his reputation sunk to a new low today when President Barack Obama put the blame squarely on his administration for the disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. “Oil drilling has been going on in the gulf, including deepwater, for quite some time,” Obama said during an White House Prime

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