As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Oh No! Brett Kavanaugh Once Threw Ice at Someone at a Bar!

Yeah. That’s what we got here. This is what the New York Times, our paper of record, is leading its story with. The charge that almost exactly 33 years ago, Brett Kavanaugh threw ice at someone in a bar:

As an undergraduate student at Yale, Brett M. Kavanaugh was involved in an altercation at a local bar during which he was accused of throwing ice on another patron, according to a police report.

The incident, which occurred in September 1985 during Mr. Kavanaugh’s junior year, resulted in Mr. Kavanaugh and four other men being questioned by the New Haven Police Department. Mr. Kavanaugh was not arrested, but the police report stated that a 21-year-old man accused Mr. Kavanaugh of throwing ice on him “for some unknown reason.”

The outlines of the incident were first referred to in a statement issued on Sunday by Chad Ludington, one of Judge Kavanaugh’s college classmates and a member of the Yale basketball team.

“On one of the last occasions I purposely socialized with Brett, I witnessed him respond to a semi-hostile remark, not by defusing the situation, but by throwing his beer in the man’s face,” Mr. Ludington said in the statement. Mr. Ludington, a professor at North Carolina State University, said he came forward because he believed Judge Kavanaugh had mischaracterized the extent of his drinking at Yale.

First of all, good for him. Getting in a fight in a bar might once have been considered a sign of manliness, you know, like during the time of “The Greatest Generation.” Something you might even brag about. During a time when men aspired to manliness. But today is a different time, at least in the Northeast and on the West Coast, a time when the testicles of modern men have been removed and placed into a giant jar of formaldehyde in the Smithsonian, to be viewed by future “woke” generations as a peculiar artifact from the past.

But let’s be honest here. Ice can harm. What happens is – scientifically, okay? – it can touch the skin, creating what ironically is a kind of burning sensation – even though it’s cold! Weird, I know. And then, when the ice hits you, you might have to say something like, “Ouch!”

We don’t want to live in a society where people have to say “Ouch.” Or a society where being a man means sometimes having to take a punch and sometimes having to throw one. We can just go to the movies and watch Matt Damon’s violent films for that.

You know, an ex-girlfriend in college once threw a large cup of beer on me. I’m going to have the FBI track her down.

Sure, these allegations are ancient, but I am told by anonymous sources of a more recent allegation against Kavanaugh. Sources say that just two years ago, in early November 2016, Kavanaugh stealthily crept into one of his kids’ bedrooms and ate some of her Halloween candy. I’m trying to get this story confirmed. I’ll be back to you when I do.

All of which gives me an excuse to run this.

20 Responses to Oh No! Brett Kavanaugh Once Threw Ice at Someone at a Bar!

  1. In middle school, I had a fellow student punch me in the nose while we were standing in the lunch line as I turned around and smiled at him.
    I only remember his first name so I cannot now try to find him to press charges against him for assault. But he has to be out there somewhere. Maybe I can find him on Facebook? I know, I must still have my middle school yearbook around somewhere. I would recognize him…I think.
    This was 52 years ago, and I have dealt with the trauma all my life (sarc). I never told anyone about it, but I am sure there were witnesses, however, I do not know who they could be.
    Do you think I have a case?

    • You sound like you have a case of repressed memory. I suggest you find the sleaziest porn lawyer you can afford and start proceedings. You should later be able to get book deals and be on every late night comedy, Sunday morning, and daily news show. You’ll also be a courageous hero for coming forward for telling your version of the truth. Wait, what, you’re a conservative, possibly a white male? To quote Emily Litella: “Never mind.”

    • I am sure that the person who punched you when you were in Middle School will be Trump’s next nominee to the US Supreme Court, so will have to wait a few months. Have patience and the TV networks will contact you soon enough. ;+}

      • Heck you might even make a million dollars from 5 or more go fund me pages. Although the lawyers are doing it pro bono and I don’t see security being over a million. Makes you wonder what was in it for her? Oh in the hearing she made a big deal about the 2nd front door…how Kavanaughs name came up. The permit was issued in 2008 and is for a room used as an entry and exit for the renters. Not to make her feel more secure. Just more crap that does not add up.

  2. Keith, You stated that we can go to the movies to see violence portrayed in film. Yes we can, we can also see depictions of rape, murder, fights, etc.. It’s odd how the Left does not get triggered by TV & movies, yet Brett Kavanaugh supposedly throws ice on someone and he’s somehow Jack the Ripper. Oh, the humanity!!! Watching the slanderous & salacious attacks on Kavanaugh, made me want to throw some punches. Now Diane, Nancy, Durbin, etc., say he hasn’t got the temperament to sit on the highest bench, yet they ignore Maxine’s calls for violence against Trump supporters and cabinet members! Where were these loons when Ted Kennedy abandoned Mary Jo? Where was the Left when Kennedy made sandwiches out of helpless waitresses, with his buddy Chris Dodd?

  3. They can’t keep palming cards like this for another month.

    Heitkamp is trailing her GOP challenger by double digits, and voters in the Peace Garden State are 60% favorable on Kavanaugh.

    Elsewhere, McCaskill is now behind in Missouri. And one recent poll suggests that New Jersey might even be in play.

    Let me say that again. New Jersey might even be in play.

    So now, Schumer is in a pickle. If he lets his vulnerable Trump state contingent save their own bacon, Kavanaugh sails, and there goes the Democrats’ base.

    But if he demands they hold the line, the GOP may well pick up half a dozen Senate seats, and however many House seats that works out to down-ballot.

    It would take a heart of stone not to laugh. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch.

  4. As if I needed another reason to support Kavanaugh, the guy stands up for himself and friends. He’s a badass like Clint Eastwood! I’m almost embarrassed for anyone calling themselves a democrat, are they really that stupid to want to associate or identify with that group of hateful, sick loons they call a party?

  5. Perhaps always a gentleman Jusge Brett Kavanaugh prayed with his daughter, then ate some candy. Thankfully, he trusts in God, and is “not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ” and has a wife and daughters who are beside him all the way.. How despicable of Chris Britt to mock Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s 10 year old daughter.

  6. The more I hear about this Kavanaugh fella, the more I like him.
    Seriously. He’s real. He’s genuine. He’s human.
    We need more of that in our government.

  7. Thanks NYT; paper that I started reading in college circa 1997 to expand my world-view, and which is now just utter garbage. Please publish another mid-testimony poll…