Wait a second everyone. Before this nuclear deal – or whatever it is – gets announced today, Western negotiators should be warned that White House Dossier has uncovered how Iran intends to fool the world about its weapons program.
We haven’t had a chance to confirm this, but given that time is running short and the issue is of such a critical nature, we felt we had to publish it immediately. Without, in fact, taking the time to read it.
Herewith, then, the Top ten Iranian schemes to acquire and keep nuclear weapons:
1. Hide a new nuclear weapons plant inside Kerry’s head.
2. Convince Obama the nuclear weapons program is “for the children.”
3. Convince Obama that if Iran ever drops its bombs, it will help combat global warming.
4. Promise to end the nuclear program if Ahmadinejad is allowed to compete on “Dancing with the Stars,” and then claim the United States is being “unreasonable” by keeping him off the show.
5. When nuclear weapons inspectors knock on the door, don’t open it, and keep saying, “This is the pickle factory and we’re closed now” until they go away.
6. If Obama threatens to attack, have Norway award him another Nobel Peace Prize.
7. Require nuclear weapons inspectors to use Apple Maps while in Iran.
8. Paint the nuclear weapons in bright, appealing colors.
9. Sponsor “Lifetime of Free Golf” award to P5+1 world leader who caves the most in negotiations.
10. Conceal the nuclear weapons by shoving them all up Ayatollah Khamenei’s ass.