As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Ron Klain’s Unpromising First Day of Work

The president’s personal secretary announces his first appointment of the afternoon today – Wednesday, October 22.

“Mr. President, the new Ebola Response Coordinator is here to meet with you.”

“Fantastic. Send him in.”

“Hello Mr. President.”

“Hello Ron, have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

“So, tell me, how is the coordinating going?”

“I haven’t coordinated anything yet.”

“I see.”

“It’s my first day.”


“I can’t even coordinate my mouse with my desktop. You got all this new technology since I was last in the White House. I’m down in IT for training today. And I’m filling out forms.”


“There’s a lot of forms. First day of work, you know?”

“Okay. I heard you were studying up on Ebola even before you got here. That’s great. That’s just the kind of employee I want around here.”

“Mr. President, my phone is vibrating. Could you wait just a minute?”

“Uhh, sure.”

“Hello? Hello? . . . Mr. President, it’s Michelle Nunn, I have to take this . . . Michelle? Yes? How are you? Okay . . . okay . . . yes, I understand. Well just say it’s nobody’s business, and sanctity of the ballot box is your first priority, not getting elected . . .  No, no, definitely don’t admit that you voted for him.”

“Voted for who?”

“Nothing, Mr. President . . .  Look, Michelle, I’m in meeting right now . . . Yes, I know you paid me a lot of money, but I’ve got this temporary gig, I think you’re aware of it . . . Yes, yes, goodbye. Okay, now where were we, Mr. President?”

“You were going to tell me what you’ve learned about Ebobla.”

“Oh, sure. Okay, Ebola. Ebola is a disease of humans and other primates caused by ebolaviruses. The first known outbreak of Ebola was identified only after the fact, occurring between June and November 1976 in Nzara, South Sudan, which was then part of Sudan, and was caused by the Sudanese variant of the virus. The Sudan outbreak infected 284 people and killed 151. The first identifiable case in Sudan occurred on June 27 in a storekeeper in a cotton factory in Nzara, who was hospitalized on June 30 and died on July 6 – ”

“Ron, this is of course extremely interesting. But what does this have to do with preventing Ebola here in the United States?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Umm . . . ”

“How am I going to fight this virus if I don’t understand the context in which I’m battling it? If I don’t know its history and how it operates. It’s MO, Mr. President. When I take on an enemy, I need to know everything about it. I need to know what the Ebola virus wants before the Ebola virus knows it wants it. I need to know what the Ebola virus thinks before the Ebola virus thinks it. To know it’s next move before it makes it. I need to know everything about the Ebola virus. I need to know the Ebola virus better than the Ebola virus knows itself.”

“Ron, um, how does one transmit the Ebola virus?:

“I have no idea. How could I possibly have gotten that far in my reading? You just appointed me last week, and as you can see, I’m still wrapping up my prior commitments. Is there anything to eat?”

“Well, I already had lunch . . . ”

“That’s okay. I’ll wait. Now, you should know that I already took some actions I think you’ll approve of, even though I only have a phone and an pen. I ordered the EPA to study the effects of all these sick Ebola people on global warming. And I’ve tasked HHS with figuring out if we can give the virus to the Koch brothers.”

“For study?”

“No, give them the virus. Make them sick.”

“Well, Ron, this has been an enlightening discussion. ”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that. I wish I could have told you more about the history of Ebola. Tomorrow we’ll discuss Zaire. Anyway, I have to get over to ergonomics to have my chair fitted. Goodbye, Mr. President.”

“Goodbye, Ron. Hey, why don’t you skip a few chapters ahead in your reading. Okay?”

“I can’t do that, Mr. President. Remember, know your enemy.”

“Yes. Well, just, please, don’t hold any press conferences for a couple of days. Goodbye, and thanks.”

“Goodbye . . . ”

“Can someone get McDonough in here??”

55 Responses to Ron Klain’s Unpromising First Day of Work

  1. Harry Reid will likely lead the call for funding the HHS “outreach” to the Koch brothers. (Or are you holding back some details, Keith?)

    • I am looking forward to the total defrocking of one Harry Reid.
      If he does not resign, he will be like Pelosi, always in your face on the network news.
      Liberal parasites, like the leaches that adhered to you when you waded in a stream in your youth.

  2. Is this satire? I can’t tell anymore because of all the impossible things coming out of the WhiteHouse.
    If it is, it’s great and funny. If it’s not, then we’re in big trouble.

  3. OT. At least on Twitter someone is claiming that ISIS is behind the shootings in Ottawa. Whoever it was said that it was in response to the coalition against ISIS, but it might be, imho, in response to Prime Minister Harper’s brave decision to support Israel while so many others (ahem) caved in to Hamas and the Palestinians.

        • Because the Arab-Israeli conflict has been going on for ages. Terrorist attacks about that are rare nowadays. When was the last time young Muslim men went on jihad for that cause?

          The call from the Islamic State to conduct jihad in the West went up on Oct. 3. That does not mean that jihadis in the West didn’t start prepping; it could mean that was the signal to finish their plans and take care of their personal business.

          • “A message to all of the brothers who cannot do Hijrah, I advise you to respond to the call of the sheik, the mujahid (Holy Warrior) Mohammed al-Adnani, to cause terror in the hearts of the kuffar (unbelievers),” the unidentified Islamic State spokesman said. “You are living in the West, you can cause terror in the hearts of the kuffar, right in the center of the kuffar in the center of all that shirk (polytheism), you can cause terror right from within.


          • To the Americans,…..
            Cry Havoc, and let slip the Dogs of War.

            This pin prick response is not going to work.

            Take out the big guns.
            They are laughing at us because they are winning.

            There are several veterans that comment on this site.
            Am I wrong ?

          • All I know is that Bush brought us together, and made us feel safe, strong, etc.
            The issue of o ignoring this, and or making light of it, is scary.
            People need to be informed as the gentleman just stated on Fox.

          • AFVet, I don’t have military experience but I do agree with you about the pin prick air strikes not working. An old friend, retired from the military, said the air strikes only punish and won’t degrade or destroy. It’s clear to see that Obama’s heart isn’t in this fight.

          • You’re right,,afvet. As a reminder of the need for ground troops to finish the job, we only have to look at the WW2 bombing campaigns in Germany. We firebombed Hanover, flattened Berlin, Cologne and Dresden and other German cities. When I lived in Berlin in the early ’60’s, they were still digging out of the rubble in many parts of the city from the bombings. But it took the Russians and their ground troops, in the case of Berlin, to finally take the city and the Reichstag to end the war. We need both air and ground or we are wasting our time.

          • The Arab-Israeli conflict has been going on for ages.
            True, that doesn’t mean we can’t make the attempt to eliminate the heathen head choppers that are intent on reducing the role of women.
            I don’t see the Israelis demeaning women, or denying them an education.
            If you leave Islam,…you will be killed.
            If you do not accept Sharia Law, you will be killed.

            Jews and Christians do not hold the barbaric notions of the ones that are now essentially our neighbors.

          • The shooter’s name is Michael Zehaf-Bibeau. He’s a Muslim of Algerian descent.

            My money’s on the Islamic Army.

            “If you can kill a disbelieving American or European – especially the spiteful and filthy French – or an Australian, or a Canadian, or any other disbeliever from the disbelievers waging war, including the citizens of the countries that entered into a coalition against the Islamic State, then rely upon Allah, and kill him in any manner or way however it may be.” SNIP

          • Yes, the attack was terrifying–people stacking furniture against doors lest the shooter step in and finish them off–and the guy seems to have been attracted to the jihadi appeal–but do we always have to restate all the nasty interpretations of the Koran some here say constitute majority thought. It’s like watching a toilet rise and rise in these threads. Yick!

    • Hannity is talking about that now.
      I commend PM Harper for his guts to stand by his convictions.
      Canada recently provided some jets for the war on ISIS.

      • Local and MSM news reports saying the suspect recently converted to Islam AND had a history of drug use. I’m hearing the “drug use” yarn in almost every report now…heaven forbid it ever just be about radical Islam.

  4. Back on topic: that was hilarious. Would Obama really have any concern, though? He’d probably say that Klain was doing a heck of a job already, and don’t forget Obama is a faculty lounge type who enjoys discussions like that, aka, far removed from the reality on the ground.

  5. Well, if Michelle Nunn is trying to distance herself from Obama … having her “debate coach” as Ebola Czar is not the way. Will anyone point that out in the media? Nope.

  6. o is speaking now on Fox. He again looks like he is a coach talking to his players. He called it tragic. He talked about himself traveling to Canada.
    Will stand side by side with Canada. We need to remain vigliant.when it comes to acts of “senseless violence”.

  7. o was speaking now on Fox. He again looks like he is a coach talking to his players. He called it tragic. He talked about himself traveling to Canada.
    Will stand side by side with Canada. We need to remain vigliant.when it comes to acts of “senseless violence”.

  8. Lee, after going through all my links on Drudge, I found the NC story about 145 illegals being on the voter roll right here on Keith’s link to Weasel Zippers!