The nation of Sweden is demanding that the Obama administration act to deny copyright status to the Minnesota Vikings, claiming the name demeans its citizens and all other Scandinavians.
“We can no longer tolerate the use of this disgusting epithet by an American football team,” said Swedish Prime Minister Olaf Milkquist in a letter to President Obama
“First of all, ‘football’ means ‘soccer,’ Milkquist wrote. “I realize that this is an unrelated matter, but it really pisses people off in Europe. You only use your foot occasionally in football, whereas in soccer the foot is the only thing you can use. Or at least the main thing.
“Secondly, the term ‘Vikings’ suggests a violent race intent on pillaging small villages and stealing their women,” Milkquist continued. “In fact, the Vikings were a peace-loving people who spread goodwill throughout the world and grew strawberries in the summer.”
Milkquist wrote that the “proper” term is “Norsemen,” saying, “Please tell your patent office to rename the team the Minnesota Norsemen.”
He noted that a group of Minnesota Vikings were at one time referred to as “The Purple People Eaters,” adding, “See what I mean?”
Milkquist called the U.S. ambassador into his office Wednesday, handed him the letter, and smacked him in the face. He also suggested to the ambassador that the United States change the name of the Green Bay Packers as well. “It’s nothing against Sweden, it’s just bad name,” he said. “You Americans have no taste.”
The White House said it would immediately begin proceedings to change the Vikings’ moniker.
“The president has ordered the U.S. patent office to revoke the Vikings’ copyright and to arrest Fran Tarkenton and put him in jail,” said White House press Secretary Jay Carney.
Tarkenton, who retired in 1978, will be housed at Gitmo.
“We have openings there,” Carney said, “and it’s the best place to extract information from him.”
Meanwhile, the Cleveland Indians earlier this week successfully rebuffed an attempt by the Obama administration to change their name, with the team’s attorney’s arguing that the name in fact refers to people who live in southern Asia and is in no way meant to offend Native Americans.