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Top Ten Unexpected Shutdown Hardships

The government shutdown is already having an unexpectedly drastic effect, causing glitches and cutbacks that are bringing tears to White House staffers. In their agony, Obama aides phoned White House Dossier to complain.

Here are the top ten unexpected hardships that are giving them fits.


1. Teleprompter keeps running the Gettysburg Address.

2. Plan to have Michelle tape Let’s Move video from the Space Station cancelled.

3. White House chefs forced to switch from butter to I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

4. Department of Veterans Affairs no longer helping ex-soldiers find mistresses.

5. Office of Management and Budget forced to admit it can neither manage nor budget.

6. Biden to be cared for by two nannies instead of three.

7. Formation of Obamacare Death Panels delayed by one year.

8. Obama forced to light own cigarettes.

9. Bo switching from porterhouse to beef chuck.

10. Plan to electrocute Boehner in his tanning booth cancelled to save on energy costs.

44 Responses to Top Ten Unexpected Shutdown Hardships

  1. ~Instead of lobbing bombs on Syria, we will be choose a less costly squirrel and bomb the World War 2 vets visiting their memorial.

    ~Malia and Sasha will now be the official dog walkers and poop patrol.

    ~The First Family will travel to their vacation destinations in one plane instead of 3.

    ~The White House heat seatings will now be 68 degrees instead of 80.

    ~The First Lady will now weed her own damn garden.

    ~Congress will now be paid an hourly minimum wage for only the hours they work.

  2. The best unexpected results of the government slowdown are true: Michelle Obama states she can’t “twitter” now, and the O’s are not going to attend the Hispanic gala due to the shutdown.

    • Mooch can’t twitter because her lady in tweeting was furloughed and she might muss her manicure typing out those 140 character messages. What’s that? The manicurist was furloughed too? Oh, the inhumanity!

      • I guess the wig lady got the boot too oh the humanity indeed. Think the handmaiden who cuts all the sleeves off her dresses is
        gone? We will be denied the sight of those magnificent toned arms? Oh my.

  3. Does anyone know if they have erected a barricade around the MLK Memorial and set up guards to arrest anyone trying to cross?

    btw, did you notice that there are now more guards assigned to keep WWII vets away from the WWII Memorial than there were assigned to protect the consulate in Benghazi?

    • “Grey Hound”! I see what you did there!

      Of course, it’s probably racist to refer to dogs by their color, so the bus folks really need to address that. After all, one can’t be too sensitive in Obama’s America…

  4. 10. WH Chef no longer serve 3 meals a day. Brunch is served from 10 am to 2 pm and ‘self-serve’ Salad Bar is open from 6 pm to 7:30 pm.
    Afternoon tea and snacks are scratched, and no more ‘late night snacks’ are available (to residents/visitors) since the WH Kitchen is CLOSED & LOCKED at 8 pm.

    11. All so-called ‘diplomatic’ meetings/lunches/dinners have been shifted to the appropriate embassies at the expense of the visiting monarch/dictator. jb

  5. “4. Department of Veterans Affairs no longer helping ex-soldiers find mistresses.”

    Does this relate in any way to the phrase “sexual congress”?

    Maybe not, since it’s the President who’s screwing us…

  6. I understand that some of the non-essential personnel that were furloughed were the individuals that pushed the buttons in the elevators for the senators and the representatives.
    I wonder what their salary is ?