As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Quote of the Day || July 17, 2013

“Well, I took the nuclear option off the table. And I replaced it on the table with the jar in which I keep Mitch McConnell’s testicles.”

– Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid

A note from our attorneys: This is not a real quote

25 Responses to Quote of the Day || July 17, 2013

  1. Come to think of it, democrats would be perfect candidates for “sex change” surgery, if that were even remotely possible. It would require minimal surgical “reconstruction” and hormone adjustment therapy as they routinely lack even the slightest tendency. Testosterone is already minimal, along with physical equipment, and estrogen level is more than sufficient. The screech factor is above anything approaching predictable level.
    They could all sit in circles commiserating with each other about the abortions they think they had,but could not have had because estrus is impossible with sterile organisms.

  2. Keith, I’ve been avoiding news like bubonic plague. Full disclosure, I been reading your posts. You say jar and I think Carnac the Magnificent. Damn, I miss living in the old “normal”.

    The answers were hermetically sealed in a mayonaise jar and kept on Funk and Wagnall’s backporch since noon on the day of the show.

    • As a kid I would hear my parents talk about what “Johnny Carson” said last night and thought maybe they’d been on the phone with someone. I got to experience a few years of his genius before he bowed out.

      • I always wanted to watch re-runs of “Bonanza” on the other channel but Mom made me watch Carson.
        I think it made me a better human being.

        She also let me watch Saturday Night Live (circa 1975) which I know was good for me.

    • Poor Jimmy. He’s the only Democratic President who has come out and said that it was the right decision on Zimmerman.

  3. Y’know, Holder is scary because of his position.
    Reid is scary because…he’s Harry Reid.
    My Mom knows him well and lunches with him and says, “What, Harry?…he’s the nicest man..”
    Friggin’ Yikes!

    • Brett – you gotta come visit me in DC one day. I’ll walk you around the Capitol. They are all professional nice people – that’s their trade. Hardly met a single one I didn’t like. Whatever seething evil exists underneath is carefully suppressed on a personal level.

      • I got a taste of that in Chicago last year. Smarmy people.
        …buy you drinks to find out your Mom’s plans and such.
        As AAJ President, she has a condo in DC overlooking Chinatown right off K street. She’s never invited me because she thought I’d puke in her playground. I wouldn’t embarrass her though – I just wanted to party like only Democrats can.
        And Democrats throw the best parties – continuously.

      • You know, it’s funny; you have these brushes with greatness and you develop an inexplicable affinity for The Great.
        I admired Hillary for years simply because I was one of her bodyguards when she was Senator during a Delegation visit to Afghanistan in ’04. My fond feelings had nothing to do with her character or her politics – just my Mom had known her for a long time and there she was in person.
        And I was protecting her.
        Hillary actually used our bathroom in our house in Texas during the ’92 campaign after my Mom picked her up from the airport – the stuff family legends are made of.
        So yeah, I’ve had a dysfunctional relationship with Hill.
        I think so many people go along with things because they get to hang around with someone famous.

      • I agree, Keith. I was on the Hill for 16 yrs. That show HOUSE OF CARDS? It is somewhat amped, but does give portraits of some of the two-faced behavior. Or more than two faces, sometimes. The Southern charm, the biding of time, the knowing the body burial grounds, the horsetrading, the velvety extortion…

        • Loved the phrase “brush with greatness,” Brett. When I was in DC, a few friends and I joked about a brush with greatness every time we ran into a member (of Congress) out of context. In DC, there are 535 of these and it’s not such a big woo–we were being ironical.

  4. Meanwhile…
    Iran is ever closer to getting The Bomb.
    The entire Middle East is on fire…
    Maybe Eric Holder thinks an Iranian nuclear weapon would be “unnecessary” and maybe Barack Obama doesn’t really know what to do.
    So, you know, I guess they just gonna chill…”

  5. This of course implies that at one time Senator McConnell actually had testicles.

    This observation in turn inspires hope that Governor Palin will enter the race to become a Senator from Alaska. Given the fact that she helped the Republicans regain a majority in the House and enlarge the Republican minority in the Senate in spite of RINO Romney’s lackluster campaign, Senator Palin could and should become Senate Majority Leader Palin. Better to have a woman with spectacularly functional ovaries lead the Senate Republicans than a man with no testicles. The Republicans and Libertarians in the House of Representatives then might take notice of the fact that the US Constitution does not require them to elect a member of that body to become Speaker of the House. Imagine the precedent of a Senate Majority Leader Palin also being Speaker of the House Palin which would put her only two heart beats away from the Presidency. The mere thought would provoke coronary attacks among Democrats as well as the RINOs of the Viagra wing of the Republican party. With any luck, President Obama has been defying the culinary tyranny of FLOTUS Obama so that he along with Vice President Biden will become victims of the coronary epidemic.