In the history of mankind, many republics have risen, have flourished for a less or greater time, and then have fallen because their citizens lost the power of governing themselves and thereby of governing their state. TR


Top Ten Sequester Cuts to Hit the White House

The White House announced Friday that indeed, it too will be facing the sequester cuts. White House Dossier has obtained an exclusive list of the ten most painful cuts the White House will incur:


1. Obama to begin drinking Poland Spring instead of Fiji water.

2. Biden’s nanny no longer paid to work weekends.

3. Blue Room and Green Room to be painted eggshell white.

4. Mrs. Robinson – Michelle’s mother – doesn’t have to pay rent, but she must cover utilities.

5. Secret Service to be equipped with double barrel shotguns.

6. Obama family forced to walk the dog at least once a day.

7. Lobster tails no longer permitted for breakfast. Drawn butter will remain.

8. Michelle’s planned trip to Phuket, Thailand to “research healthy foods” cancelled.

9. Situation Room no longer open to B-List Hollywood stars. A-List may continue to use at their leisure.

10. Rented Oval Office bust of Raul Castro to be sent back to Cuba.


Please let us know if, through your own investigative reporting, you have found any additional cuts that will be made.

111 thoughts on “Top Ten Sequester Cuts to Hit the White House”

  1. 11. (Someone suggested this to me when I said to cut Moochelle’s Grey Goose allowance.)
    Make Moochelle’s tipple Ripple.

  2. 11. Instead of dinner at the Jefferson, dinners will be held at McDonalds. Please pick only from the Dollar menu please.

    12. Instead of vacations at Martha’s Vineyard, pitch a tent in the Rose garden.

    13. Instead of flying to far away places for 15 minute speeches, make a CD of the speech and send it thru the USPS.

    14. Instead of freshly caught seafood….Gortons fish sticks or Sea-Pac fillets for dinners.

    15. Instead of Hollywood movies coming to the White House, run down to Redbox and pick a movie.

    16. Instead of vacations in Hawaii, park it in the bedroom and play Elvis Presley’s movie “Blue Hawaii” over and over and over….

        1. Yep. Why CD and Hologram Obama would make perfect sense. Even his Hollywood buddies could provide CGI effects to grab his audacityence’s attention, like:

          ~his head on Big Bird for the Pre-Schoolers
          ~his head on a Super Hero for elementary school/Comic Con fans
          ~his head on Justin Beiber for middle school
          ~his head on Beavis or Butthead for high schoolers

          …..too much fun, indeed !

      1. Re # 13,

        Maybe he could get his speeches back from the Queen of England, thus saving MORE money on production costs? After all, he always recycles his message, so it would still SOUND current despite being from 2009…

        “President and First Lady Obama gave Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II a video iPod with inscription, songs uploaded and accessories, plus a rare musical songbook signed by Richard Rodgers.

        Uploaded onto the iPod:

        Photos from President Obama’s Inauguration
        Audio of then-state senator Obama’s speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, and
        Audio of President Obama 2009 Inauguration Address ”

        She could have someone zip them and E-mail them back, thus saving a TON of money! Plus, it gives The Lazy One MORE playtime for his NCAA bracketry (which he will just change and lie about in future, but that’s another story), that he doesn’t have to spend reading out loud for peasants. WIN-WIN!

        After all, the Faithful don’t care what his message is as long as he remains (Black, Gay, Muslim, Liberal…fill in the blank for whatever they think he is that mirrors them) and keeps giving them other people’s property – and the rest of us long ago quit listening because we KNOW it’s just someone else’s lies being read off of a TelePrompTer.

        I don’t think you’d even need to edit them. It would be just as meaningful as what comes out of his mouth now – and just as useful.

      1. No, Obama usually dumps the “fertilizer” on us peasants. If they HAD goats, they’d take the goat dirt and send it to a brand new green energy program run by a freind of Obama’s, with a trillion-dollar start up expense, that would last a year and then collapse with no one able to recover any money. And, although the goat biz would be gone, the brand new “Department of Goat Load Security” (modeled after the European “Ministry of Herbavore Faeces”) would still be with us and purchasing armor piercing incendiary rounds for no apparent reason.

        So, no goats. It costs too much!

  3. 12) TelePrompter and imported human props to be replaced by notes on palm of one hand and a single flag of Obama’s favorite country.

    1. The flag will probably be a desecrated American flag with his face superimposed over the stars (like the ones we saw during the presidential campaign). As far as his notes? I can hear the suffering sibilants now.
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, let me be clear…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, share the wealth…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, eat your peas…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, folks agree with me…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, it wasn’t me. Some low level bureaucrat gave those weapons to the Mexican drug cartels…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, it wasn’t me. Some low level bureaucrat left the Benghazi embassy defenseless…
      uh, uh, uh, you know, uh, uh, it wasn’t me. Some low level bureaucrat released thousands of illegals…

  4. # “pay as you go” electric meters will be installed at every desk used by the WhiteHouse press corps. Pre-paid cards can be purchased at the Asst Press Secretary’s office.

    # Presidential limos will be replaced by restored 1977 Ford Stationwagons.

    # Secret Service vehicles will be replaced with Army decommisioned Strykers.

    # Bo, the dog, will be replaced with a smaller breed who eats less.

    # Every Saturday, starting in June, MrsObama will host a roadside vegetable stand featuring the produce from the WhiteHouse garden.

    # The formula and all rights to the WhiteHouse beer will be sold to the highest bidder.

    # Guests arriving at the WhiteHouse will be required to remove their shoes to reduce the need for three housekeepers.

    # State Dinners will now be buffets eliminating the need for dozens of waiters.

    # Music and entertainment at future StateDinners will be provided by the local d-j known as “Brain Matter’s Music Man”.

    1. Oh, what fun.

      # Presidential jets will be mothballed and unnecessary air travel for the FirstFamily will be provided by commercial airlines only if they personally purchase every seat on the plane.

      # The Obama children will not be permitted to travel anywhere without their parents to reduce SecretService costs.

      #All unnecessary employees will be furloughed; such as the dog trainer, movie film operator, all of the chefs except one, and anyone with the tiltle “assistant’ in their job description.

      1. How about three official calligraphers taking in just under $300,000 per year of taxpayer funds? Now there’s a write-off.

          1. Well the o is a red diaper baby, so it’s possible. I’m thinking he was made in the mold of a Trotskyite. After all, his momma and baby daddy met while taking a Russian language class. This was back in 1960 when Russia was still a communist state.

      1. Oh, that’s right! In that case, kids should bring their own dozen eggs. Whoever doesn’t have any may choose two from 5 other children.

          1. Yeah! And they can play The Farmer in the Dell, and guess who would be The Cheese Who Stands Alone? A Stinky Cheese according to his wife.

    1. On the Easter theme, those children who gather the most eggs must share theirs with those children too lazy to find their own. (Ok, I don’t think the WH has a “hunt”, but I cracked myself up thinking of that).

  5. Speaking of Daylight Savings Time let’s just skip ahead to 2017 by then we will
    be rid of this dreadful bunch. Now that’s worth a bit of time travel!:-)

  6. Every time Obama (the master communicator) stumbles over a word during a speech, or uses a first person, personal pronoun in a speech he will be fined one dollar.

    Every time VP Biden make some gaffe while speaking he will be fined one dollar.

    With these fines, the CBO projects that the entire deficit will be eliminated by the middle of Obama’s second term.

    1. Or if you include the entire Obama Reich/cabal it could be over tomorrow:-) Or at least end of the week. Sparky could be a real windfall.

  7. 11. White House staff are expected to do their own work. Hiring others to do your work has been suspended.
    12. All State dinners will now be eState dinners. Visitors are encouraged to bring auction items supplement current inventories. Visit our website now at

    Or more seriously…it could be like where I fortunately still work:
    …all pay raises are suspended (again this year)
    …transitional promotions are suspended as are in grade promotions.
    …all non essential travel is suspended.
    …daily waste removal from work areas will be eliminated. Workers are to place organic waste in the common area waste receptical for daily removal.
    …there will be no office supplies.
    …long time service awards and all reward and recognition programs are suspended.
    …most hiring is suspended.
    …equipment refresh cycles (pcs etc) will be extended 12 months min.
    BTW, there has been no free coffee for years. Some of these just make good sense if you really need to cinch thing up. But others, like in the White House, will not be applied equally. Basically, we have become exceptional at cost managment. Obviously, pay raises get ones attention. But not being able to cut an R&R check for someone who goes the extra mile hurts the most. All this means I have great disdain for Obama and his crap about shared sacrifice. Welcome to the party pal.

      1. He he he. I was going for estate sales but those are for when the owners are D E A D and I get nervous when my email shows up already marked as opened. Last one, the white house will stop providing toilet paper since everyone knows this is a no BS administration.
        A fun day on WHD!

  8. ~Instead of Air Force One being used for travel, Obama will now be hologramed to the event. Kids will love it.

    ~Skyping will replace all Mrs. Obama’s travels about nothing much important.

    ~Malia and Sasha will be homeschooled to save transportation and security costs to and from school. (Which will also free up their schedules to go on trips with their parents).

    ~MOTUS will no longer be a political humor blog, butt to be installed permanently for the obviously missing mirrors between Mrs. Obama’s closet and front door. MOTUS is also wired and capable to replace half of Mrs. O’s staff, including writing intelligent speeches, protocol and fashion advice.

    ~Let’s Move will be absorbed by the USDA. Support the Troops will be absorbed by the USO and Navy Relief. This will now allow Mrs. O plenty of time to do the laundry and other general household duties …. or do the WH tours.

    ~Grandma will now be the offical dog walker and caretaker of thy duty and other requirements for the “family” pet. Many older people have dogs which provide companionship and exercise. Let’s Move Grandma!

    ~Healthcare budgeted to the First Family is 7 million/year. WTF? All those medical people who must travel with the First Family should be crossed trained as Secret Service, obviously they have time.

    1. The Mooch will be limited to one pair of go-with-everything black shoes and matching purse. After all, if the Queen of England makes do, so can Our Dear Lady. They can get all comfy and broken in.

  9. As a grand gesture fire the three NLRB members who were illegally appointed during the non recess.

    In keeping with the President’s commitment to gun control remove costly ammunition from WH security.

    Furlough WH groundskeepers. Have unknown bureaucrat from ICE escort released criminal illegal aliens to WH for grounds service. House them in borrowed military tents on WH grounds. Provisions from. WH garden.

    1. WH grounds keepers are from the National Park Service so they will be furloughed for sure. (sadly)

      As far as unknown bureaucrat I would recommend a “less senior” career govt service person handle the new grounds keepers :-) More senior persons just get transferred to other jobs.

      Am laughing about the remove the costly ammo, I would say they get 1 bullet each like Deputy Barney.

      1. National Park Service cutbacks I hear are designed for maximum pain. Leaked memo. Most likely they will happen at the height of the tourist season.

        Ok, you are right on the senior bureaucrat transfer — let’s go for the less senior scapegoat to oversee the new grounds keepers.

        I’m good with the 1 bullet. Also I think protection could be supplemented with whistles and all the other tactics suggested to rape victims by the Colorado legislature.

          1. Oh so cost REALLY is a factor? Of course,silly me. That’s why they went first for those really expensive WH tours …. to show the severity of the situation and all. Or something. Maybe. I dunno’ . Mad squirrels.

  10. Michelle, weewon’s and Granny must sew and wear their own clothes. And
    wear them all the time even in ‘photo ops’. Shoes will be Dollar Store only.

  11. ~All taxpayer funded non-essential First Family travel/security costs will be considered *income* and taxed accordingly. (That’ll slow them down)

    ~ ^^^^ would apply to Congress too.

    1. This is an excellent idea! I know the IRS collects taxes on prizes and trips we the proles might win on shows like the “Price is Right”. It is considered normal income. Tax all the expenses of unofficial travel (i.e., Malia’s recent shopping trip to New York) as normal income, and the grifters global gallivants will slow to a crawl. Agree it should apply to Congress too.

  12. Camp David to be the only location away from the White House.
    Air Force One and Two not to be used for anything until this is all over
    All Illegal Alien residents and relatives in W.H. sent back to country of origin
    No more STATE DINNERS regardless of which foreign honcho is visiting
    Biden restricted to Home Provided by Tax Payers – no travel anywhere

  13. The Office of the First Lady and her staff* will now oversee the White House tours, and her staff will give the guided tours.

    *I mean really, 22 assistants ? I believe the tours are held only 20 hours a week and I would find this a great use of their time too, even better, have them 40 hours a week.

    I haven’t checked recently, but you can only get tickets for the tours through your congressman which must be requested well in advance of your planned visit. I do think background checks are done also. Which makes me believe, the spring break visitors (huge DC tourist time due to the Cherry Blossoms too) must have been planning this for months. Homeschooled families usually plan their vacations around ticket access other times of the year too.

    1. Correct: WH Tour Requests come through your Congressional representative and must be made a minimum of 2 months prior to the requested date.

    1. My husband isn’t too far off yet: he predicts some national parks will be closed, the big popular ones of course, and maybe the closing of the Smithsonian.

  14. – The three paid White House calligraphers will now be replaced by Obama’s autopen. [Approximate savings $258,000 annually]

    – The first family’s dog handler duties will now be replaced with a fire hydrant located on the South Lawn. [Approximate savings $102,000 annually]

    – Obama will now use a FlowBee for his haircuts, instead of having his Chicago barber flown in every 10-14 days. [Approximate savings $7,700 annually]

    – Obama’s full-time movie projectionists will be replaced with a Netflix subscription (already mentioned, but worth repeating).

  15. Our nation has had some pretty bad presidents before but this one beats them all. Extremely unqualified, immoral and divisive. And, the sad part is if the facts were really checked he won this last one by vote fraud. May God help us all in the days ahead. This couple is totally obnoxious

    1. Good…and let’s tax it at the “millionaires and billionaires” rate!

      # Mrs Obama now must shop at WalMart exclusively.

      # Black tie dinners will now be casual cookouts on the front lawn. Only Pabst Blue Ribbon will be available.

  16. Remember to leave money for somoene on Obama’s staff to fly down for Hugo Chaves’ estate sale, as Obama would surely want personal mementoes of such a cherished friend…oh wait, Jessie Jackson’s down there already, maybe he can pick up a few things and Obama will get him back later?

    No, that wouldn’t be waseful enough for The One. Plus, being a liberal himself, Jessie Jackson KNOWS better than to trust Obama to pay him back!

    Besides, the MOST important thing is to get back all those love letters that went privately between Prezzy and Hugie. And again, being an ambitous amoral liberal like Jackson, Obama KNOWS better than to to trust Jackson with such a delecate assignment… Maybe Representative Menendez? The White House has pictures to keep HIM down, plus all you have to to is give him a teenage female Venisualian “staff” and he’s happy as a pig in sh!t… Or John McCain, Mitch McConnell, or John Boehner,any of which would be DELIGHTED to carry Prezzy’s water.

  17. Although the illegal release of criminal illegal aliens and firing the nameless faceless bureaucrat responsible remains at the top of my list, I would also strongly suggest that any white house staff involved in the Michelle Obama 50th birthday bash that will take place in January 2014 be furloughed. January 2014 — we have time folks — although it apparently is going to be the typical Obama 50th birthday Extravaganza what with the likes of the newly booked Adelle.

    And lest we forget how the Obama’s like to celebrate themselves even during difficult economic times let’s revisit Barack’s 50th birthday fundraiser extravaganza

    And finally it looks like the press, members of Congress and the President all had a fine sequester party at the annual Gridiron roast — because surely the media, the legislature and the executive have served the American citizenry well and deserve another celebration of Self.

    I don’t know I’m just feeling all “May I have more Sir”ish lately.

    1. Oh you know MO’s 50th is going to be a huge blowout – $$$ is no option, special guests are no option. Food – you name it, it will be on the tables. Location location location. Just where will they hold the events?? Stay in DC or someplace exotic?

      1. I could be wrong but the King’s was a two day event — Chicago and WDC. Plus the Queen sent out a card for the subjects to sign!

        So, let’s go with WDC and since it’s January — will go for the winter wonder land thing ala Aspen or St. Moritz or perhaps something more tropical breakish — I’m thinking Hawaii or perhaps the Queen could consult with her Hollywood jet setting friends…perhaps Beyonce and what’s his name will buy an island in time for the bash….

        Oh dear, this is hard work indeed. No wonder they are planning now for January. Who knew?

    2. Well said, gracepmc. Sadly, the nameless faceless bureaucrat who released the illegals wasn’t fired – he retired with a hefty government pension.

      The planning of ritzy celebrations commemorating the birth of our new monarch – Mooch the First – take higher precedence over our children’s ability to visit the White House that we the proles pay for. The grifters must have been taking lessons from Hugo Chavez on how to steal the citizenry blind and still demand adoration from them. How else did he end up with a $2 billion estate? It sure wasn’t from selling books – the grifters favorite excuse for their never-ending supply of wealth. Pigs at the trough.

  18. Pingback: Top Ten Sequester Cuts to Hit the White House – Morningdance

  19. In order to increase productivity, (actually get work done during the day), the President is required to begin work at 8:00 am and will not conclude his day until 5:00 pm. He will still be allowed a one hour lunch break. His first task will be to produce a budget within 24 hours. If he cannot accomplish this, he will be fined $250,000 for every day he is late. This fine will come out of his personal account. He will write goals (and IDP) that will be posted on the internet for two weeks. Constituents will have the opportunity to review. As with all goals, there will be specific measurements the President will be held to. If he does not meet his goals, he will be subject to corrective action up to, and including termination. (As lazy as he is, this would be a winning scenario).

    All countries that continue to speak ill of us are banned from receiving any “aid”. If the President insists on any transfer of monies to the likes of Iran or other extremist Islamic countries engaged in jihad against us, that money must come out of his own account.

  20. 11) The Presidential motorcade will be reduced to a few armored Chevy Volts and an AAA membership.

    12) Bo’s handler is now a randomly chosen homeless person, paid in Kool Menthols and Ripple.

    13) Wendy’s figures much more prominently during State dinners.

    14) More Presidential travel is covered by pre-purchased Amtrack one-way coach class tickets.

    15) The Marine guard has been replaced by Webelos.

    16) Mo carefully selects her wardrobe at the local swap meet.

    17) The teleprompters are converted to wind power.

    18) Instead of iPods loaded with the Compleat Works of King Barry, it’s now a series of recordings on novelty records.

    19) Official portraits are now done in crayon. Similarly, official photos are now shot on a recently found cache of Polaroid 600.

    and 20) The White House grounds are subdivided for affordable housing.

    1. #21- replace highly paid secret service, with $15/hr TsA employees. If their good enough for stopping terrorists at the airports, then their good enough for the Prez.

  21. Pingback: Wasting more taxpayer money

  22. It is so pathetic that the Obama’s are living the high life while the rest of the “middle Class” is trying to make ends meet. These people are such phonies I cannot believe it. The sequester was all a front for Obama to again blame the Republican’s for everything, even though it was his idea. It’s too bad that the uninformed voters got their wish and he we are. Wait until the brunt of Obama care hits and you will see screaming & nashing of teeth for all of the people who thought that Obama would take care of them. The “media” idiots can go pound sand because when this Country goes down the tubes they go with it. I will have a great big smile on my face to see what happens then. They above everyone else deserve it. To all the people that voted for this “fraud” thanks a lot.

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