White House Dossier has gotten its greedy hands on President Obama’s list of new proposals for reviving the economy, which he will recite this evening in an address to Congress.
It turns out, contrary to expectations, that many of the proposals are new and have not been tried before by this president. Here are the top ten initiatives that Obama will offer:
1. A proposal for $1.5 billion in new spending to build trestles for the Bridge to Nowhere.
2. Stimulate the housing market by requiring all new homes to include a soda machine.
3. Fight unemployment with tax credits for firms that agree to hire people who are totally incompetent.
4. Allocation of $2.5 million to hire food scientists to study on the tastiest way to prepare lobster.
5. Anyone who has ever said “If I had a dime for every time” they did something actually gets a dime for every time they did it.
6. A grant of $4 million for the NIH to employ researchers to find a cure for backache incurred from bowing to world leaders.
7. Everyone gets $200 for passing “Go.”
8. Try capitalism and see if it works.
9. Provide $3 billion to the Department of Agriculture to study whether money can be made to grow on trees.
10. Fire Bernanke and allow people to print their own money.
Got any that you’ve uncovered??