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Top Ten Obama Excuses for the Failing Economy

Last week, the White House said the Japanese tsunami was partially to blame for the sorry state of the U.S. economy. While this provoked a certain amount of laughter, it is perhaps not quite as funny as several other reasons for the continuing downturn that appear on a secret White House list of excuses.

White House Dossier has obtained a copy of the list, and below is publishing several of them – for the first time anywhere! – for your perusal.

The top ten secret White House excuses for the poorly performing economy:

1. Loch Ness Monster threatening to make an appearance in Lake Superior.

2. Economy still reeling from failed 1980s introduction of New Coke.

3. Bo ate my economic plan.

4. Bernanke hooked again on Afghani hashish.

5. Economic time bomb planted by Richard Nixon finally going off.

6. Thousands unable to work after being injured trying to learn the Macarena.

7. Evil spell cast on the country by Dick Cheney has yet to wear off.

8. Obama never should have listened when Bush said, “Obama, wreck the economy.”

9. Lady Gaga accidentally allowed to provide economic advice during first year of Obama’s presidency.

10. Obama not getting in enough golf.

52 thoughts on “Top Ten Obama Excuses for the Failing Economy”

  1. I still like the earthquake/tsunami excuse as the cause of our economic slide, as if the natural disaster in Japan caused this administration to pass Obamacare, enact strangling regulations on business and the big corps to take their jobs/money overseas years before the actual event.

    1. So then…that explains “Doctor Downgrade” having received the Nobel Prize even before he was done bowing to everyone and everything, eh? Sounds ’bout right to me…

  2. I’ve begun having a visceral reaction to Geithner. I’m a reserved, quiet, dignified librarian but I’d like to punch him in the kisser.

      1. *snorts iced tea on monitor* You GO girl!
        Wait…does that make me a tea partier and as such, the one to blame for this entire mess? Sorry….my bad. Will switch back to wine now.

  3. As Mr. Obama would say, “I inherited this current economic crisis.” If I am not mistaken an inheritance is something that is given to you without much effort on your part. He wanted the job, ran for it and got it. That is not inheritance in my dictionary. Now that he got his inheritance, he doesn’t have to do anything.

    1. Might I add–if you have to use a billion dollars of other people’s money to “inherit” more bad stuff from yourself–this might sound like a bad deal to many people.

    2. He “inherited” a AAA rating….something he was “given” with no effort on his part. Too bad he blew it and he blew it badly.

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  5. It’s hilarious. Everytime these people make up some bizarre excuse, it reminds me of The Blues Brothers when Jake is telling his ex why he stood her up at the altar. LOCUSTS!

  6. Golf? I’ve lit him up for it but in the long run, it’s the time not the activity that most find objectionable. I do think when you blame the previous ‘manager” for two seasons it’s bad for baseball (metaphorically). One of my lib friends is a Pirate fan. They suck this year so I told him he should go spit on Chuck Tanners grave. Same difference.

    But back to golf and since he’s obviously addicted I think it’s a fair assessment of his character. I read once that he claimed to be an 18 handicap. That’s a shot per hole (the highest USGA handcp. is 36 (2 shots) for any competitive, local kick/grin club play.) This may not seem important but as a golfer for many years, having worked in golf as a younger man, you learn to spot and i.d. handicaps of other golfers. Trust me, he’s a generous 36 all day and that’s allowing that his playing partners dish out mulligans and kick back 4 footers. He is the POTUS after all.

    But a lot of golfers lie about their handicaps and they lie both ways. In BHO’s case, golf is not the only thing about which his own estimation of his skill can’t find the first tee.

    You can argue that a fawning media are at least half to blame (imagine Chris Mathews as his caddy, then take a shower. It would be that disturbing.) But he’s conditioned not to have to measure up like the rest of us and I’m trying to find a point in his life where he EVER WAS. That’s sad for a grown man but sadder for the Leader of the Free World and the poor saps behind him who’re waiting on every shot.

    1. Mike,

      You make a lot of good points. First on golf – I’ve seen his swing on video. Unless it improved markedly since the video was taken, he’s not much of a golfer.

      On your other points, I’m not sure what he’s ever done where he’s been held to a standard of accountability. He served as a legislator, not a governor, and not a particularly industrious one. Kind of skated through. Never had to make a payroll. Taught law – we know what kind of accountability professors have. Wrote books, which really sold after he ran for president.

      He’s been hitting from the, um, forward tee for quite some time.

  7. Obama said that the former administration drove the economy into a ditch. When you’re stuck in a ditch, you call AAA to get a tow.

    Then they spent billions of dollars on bail outs that did not work. They spent like an alcoholic on a drunken rampage, where does an alcoholic go for help – AA.

    So maybe S&P is just trying an intervention for the addicts that run Washington. Going to AA is always good for an addict.

  8. 11. The dip in hotel/resort revenues. Which is why POTUS & co. must
    immediately book their trip to martha’s vineyard.
    12. The price of lard has flatlined. FLOTUS will keep the WH chef preparing
    them to satisfy her passion the those tasty pig fat cakes.
    13.The incredibly shrinking ozone. Obombo must expel as much hot air as possible.. (flatulence included)
    14. Low Cigarette/nicorette sales. Opuffo (POTUS) is doing his part by feeding his excessive habit for both.
    15. Whatever pops out of POTUS’ mouth.

  9. # 5 is actually dead on correct. The Nixn Administration’s decision to complete the decoupling of the dollar/gold link early in his first term set in motion much of the economic volatility experienced over the last forty years. We would not be in this situation if we were still on a gold standard.

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  11. isn’t it telling that the terrorists in london are holding england hostage to get more from their government while the “terrorists” in D.C. are holding america hostage to get less from their govmint? who’s the more greedy?

  12. Even though these are in the ‘satire’ section, I wouldn’t doubt that they have been used after seeing past excuses.

    2 things Larry Summers said were the following.

    1. The economy has been sluggish due to the snowstorms. (It was only snowing in the DC area, for the snowstorms he was referring too.)

    2. He once predicted that the economy was going to improve because the number of google searches for economic disaster has declined.

    So these ‘satire’ jokes are funny but not half as funny as the real thing!

  13. Don’t forget the Arab Sprig…when the Muslim Brotherhood aka best buds of the Muslim Bro in the D.C. Hood took over Eygpt, SOS Hitlery got donations for the “defenders of freedom” aka Al Qaeda in Libya, AchIhateJews got a green light from Ron Paul and his Paulettes aka shipped in vote skewers for their straw man in the straw poll, and Pauk-eee-staun got the faux POTUS’ nod of approval for holding his big bro Osama for the takeout and kick off for Obama’s cloning of Iran in the middle East and N. Africa agenda aka the only difference between Obama and Osama is one letter. Hey, O.boy need to start looking at the fraud in the mirror…

  14. yes ,that is the top reason for sure, if obama would PLEASE golf all the time the economy would do so much better. he does NOT know what wealth is or where it comes from, that is why is may not understand why he is killing it. everytime the gov. does anything it costs money, the money comes from one place, from those who have earned it. (obama doesnt know that, he thinks it is just there for him to claim) so it has to be bled from the businesses. yes thats right its a blood is the fuel of a business.its life blood. it uses money to expand,hire more more equipment, many businesses are close to bankruptcy .taking more of their money will send them over the cliff. obamas answer?? tax credits and bailouts. these moves are unfair. he picks who wins and who looses. this is fascism . he is a fascist. this is why we are failing. jobs come from one place,not the government. from producers. government produces nothing!! they are to protect us from enemies. period. no run our money! not run our healthcare! not run our lightbulbs! we can vote with our feet. if you dont like our light bulbs buy the ones you do like. controlling everything is totalitarianism. this fails everytime it is tried. and usually ends in millions of deaths. russia,china. n.korea. read history people

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  17. this was very lame, and mostly not funny, except for the #1. Didn’t use much thought aparently, cause there’ s101 reasons to chose from, that would be actually more factual and much less generic. try again. I’m sure you could do it. He’s an OBAMINATION!

  18. Where’s Obama been for three years?….shoving Obamacare down our throats, vacationing and playing golf I guess. Mr. “laser beam on jobs” was it.

  19. Obama has had EASY STREET re Congress!

    From Nov 2008 until Jan 2011 – Democrats ran everything and Republicans could only watch

    Do you really beleive if Republicans could have blocked anything – ObamaCare would have been blocked for sure!


    Do you really think that Republcans let ObamaCare silp by? BUT blocked everything else….

    This is an image – this shows the reality.

    Obama needs to quit crying like a baby!

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