House Speaker John Boehner has secretly handed President Obama a list of ten large tax increases Republicans can agree to. Incredibly, Boehner believes that the new taxes will be widely popular and can easily pass both the House and the Senate.
White House Dossier has obtained a copy of the list, and duly provides to you the top ten of these new taxes. See if you agree with the Speaker that the measures will be popular.
To: President Obama
Re: Tax increases
Members of my caucus, including Tea Party members, have agreed that they can support a new tax on . . .
1. Drivers in the left lane who obey the speed limit.
2. Waiters who say “no problem” when there’s no reason to think there should be a problem.
3. Doctors who appear to be having esophageal burning when you tell them you have a question.
4. Car rental agents who offer you that insurance nobody gets.
5. Cable TV technicians who tell you they’ve only got the black colored cord in the truck.
6. Bank tellers who chirpily ask you how your weekend was.
7. Shoppers who write checks at the supermarket.
8. Anyone who says they can’t figure out why they are fat.
9. People under 60 who wear their socks over their calves.
10. McDonald’s employees who put all the pickles on a single section of the burger.