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White House Dossier Gets Fawning Interview with Obama!

Recognizing that Steve Kroft of 60 Minutes was far too tough on our Commander in Chief during the last night’s interview about Bin Laden’s killing, White House Dossier asked for and received permission to speak with President Obama in the Oval Office early this morning, hoping to give the president a chance to just tell his story.

While Kroft failed to bring up issues like whether the “enhanced interrogations” of the Bush years helped lead to Bin Laden or whether Obama is taking too much credit for the operation, he did work Obama over with brutal queries like “How did you feel?” and “Was this your toughest decision over?”

So White House Dossier is proud to let the president set the record straight. Below, we give you the transcript of this morning’s interview.

White House Dossier: Mr. President, how great are you?

President Obama: I’m fine, thanks, how are you?

WHD: No, no. How great are you?

Obama: Oh. I wouldn’t say I’m great, because my press secretary won’t allow it. But I’m pretty damn good. Pretty . . . damn . . . good.

WHD: Oh boy. Thank you, Mr. President, for responding to my question.

Obama: My pleasure.

WHD: I’m going to ask you another question, but don’t answer if you don’t want to.

Obama: OK.

WHD: How do you feel today?

Obama: Keith, I think I feel like any American would. Proud of my country, proud of our armed forces, and proud of our president.

WHD: Yes, of course.

Obama: But not all the credit goes to me. I admit have to share in the glory with, um, um . . .

WHD: Mr. President, there’s no need to strain yourself. Let me ask you, approximately 30 seconds have elapsed since my last question. How do you feel now?

Obama: Listen, I don’t think this should be about me. Not about me, I, me, I, I, I me. It’s about others, as well as me and I am me as you are you and we are all together. I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. All through the day, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.

WHD: I see.

Obama: All through the night, I me mine, I me mine, I me mine.

WHD: I understand. Now, How did you handle the incredible tension in the Situation Room the day you took out Bin Laden?

Obama: It’s all part of being a leader, of being, you know, basically a badass.

WHD: Yes, absolutely

Obama: And I was there for the others. I noticed Hillary about to collapse, and I comforted here with a hug and a shot of tequilla. But me, you know, I have to admit, it was tense. But I can handle it. I just can.

WHD: Is the story true that your national security aides were divided on this, but you just knew what had to be done?

Obama: Yes, some of my advisers were sissies. They were wringing their hands, and pissing on themselves.

Me, I knew we only had a 50-50 shot. It could have gone either way. But I just said, “Sometimes, folks, you just have to go for it. You have to trust your gut. You have to say, ‘Danger? Risk? Bring it on! Tension? Uncertainty? I eat if for breakfast!’ America needed to bag this dude. And so I sad, ‘Go for it, punk. Make my day. A man has to do what a man has to do.’ And so forth.”

WHD: Wowwww.

Obama: Would you like a glass of water?

WHD: No, I’m OK. And what did you say after you knew you’d killed Bin Laden?

Obama: I was as taciturn and cool as John Wayne putting his gun back in his holster. I just said, “We got him.”

WHD: Hot damn!

Obama: I thought, “My work is done here. Now it’s on to greater challenges for the American people. Like putting Bunson Burners in every public school science class.

WHD: What can I say? Gutsy call, Mr. President.

Obama: You know, it’s nothing remarkable. I get up every morning thinking, “How can I protect the American people?” and “What’s for breakfast?” So it’s all in a day’s work.

WHD: I’d say two days’ work, Mr. President.

Obama: Could be, Keith. Could be.

WHD: Thank you, sir.

Obama: You’re welcome. You’re very welcome.

34 thoughts on “White House Dossier Gets Fawning Interview with Obama!”

  1. Tension? Uncertainty? I eat if for breakfast!’

    Which is easy, because it’s right there, handy, because it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up.

    Good stuff, Keith! Made me laff.

    1. I am faking it–did not watch…it kept turning back and he was still on–did he get a full hour. Oh, well, 60 minutes, slobber slobber.

  2. That was a real gutsy interview!
    The POTUS’s intel from your sharp questions could fill a small library in Snowflake, AZ.
    There was a 50-50 chance that it could have gone bad, but with determination you made the right call for America.

  3. Excellent reporting Keith!! You ARE a true journalist, asking the tough questions, getting to the heart of the matter. You can school Kroft and all those other “cub reporters”. Good job. It is skills like these that make me come back each and every day, all day long, to get my news. You rock on with your bad self!

  4. You are the king of all suck-up journalists Keith! You have scored a double whammy with one interview. It insures your place in the Obama Presidential Library of hard-hitting interviews, and sets you up for many future one on one’s with the new cowboy in town.

    Speaking of cowboys…there has got to be some creative artist who has already doctored a photo of him in a John Wayne pose.

  5. Obama: You know, it’s nothing remarkable. I get up every morning thinking, “How can I protect the American people?” and “What’s for breakfast?” So it’s all in a day’s work.
    That satire was a ‘gutsy call’, Keith
    The next time, ask him “how in the Hell someone like Tom Donilon got to be National Security Adviser?”.
    (scratch your head and look perplexed as you toss the question)

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  7. Keith –
    Terrific interview…Did you at any time furrow your eyebrows and nod your head while the President was responding, much like Diane Sawyer does as a way of showing deep compassion and thoughtfulness?

    1. Jerry, I practiced my facial expressions for hours, with each rated on a scale of one to ten for compassion, empathy, and thoughtfulness. I think I succeeded, and was able even to improvise “shared anger” a couple of times.

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