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White House Conference on Bullying Agenda

Yesterday, the White House announced it will host a conference on bullying. This yesterday’s announcement, which is also on the White House website.

On Thursday, March 10, President Obama, the Department of Education, and the Department of Health and Human Services will welcome students, parents, teachers and others to The White House for a Conference on Bullying Prevention. The conference will bring together communities from across the nation who have been affected by bullying as well as those who are taking action to address it. .

Now how much of this conference will be devoted to teaching kids Krav Maga or Tae Kwon Do so that children can KICK SOME ASS in response to a bully?

None of it. This is not the peace through strength crowd.

I’ve obtained a copy of the agenda. This is NOT on the White House website.


MARCH 10, 2011 – EAST ROOM

Preliminary Agenda

9:30 am || Welcoming remarks: First Lady Michelle Obama: How a healthy breakfast can prevent bullying – fighting back with whole grains.

10:00 am || Opening Remarks: President Obama: Reasoning and negotiating with bullies: The new bully appeasement paradigm.

10:30 am || Keynote address: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: Don’t respond – tell the teacher instead: How I got to the head of the class by being the school’s biggest tattletale

11:15 am || Former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel: How I learned to stop responding to bullies in “the Chicago way.”

12:00 pm || LunchCongealed Pork Fat with sweet and sour dipping sauce; Chicken Fried Steak with Marshmallow Topping; Pastry Encrusted Polish Sausage; French Fries and Creamed Spinach; Deep Fried Twinkies served with Old Fashioned Chocolate Chip Cookie Pie à la Mode.

12:30 pm || Lunchtime address – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: What it’s like to be bullied by Nancy Pelosi.

1:15 pm || Additional Perspectives from President Obama: What it’s like to be bullied by Nancy Pelosi.

1:30 pm || House Speaker John Boehner: How preemptively crying can prevent bullying.


Session # 1: Blue Room: Why bullies get more chicks.

Session # 2: State Dining Room: Track & Field techniques – training to run from bullies.

Session # 3: Green Room: Prospects for direct federal aid to bullies as a disincentive to demanding lunch money.

3:15 pm || Former Vice President Al Gore: Environmental Impacts: How bullying contributes to global warming.

4:00 pm || CLOSING REMARKS: Mr. Rodney King: Can’t we all just get along?

4:30 pm || Adjourn

28 Responses to White House Conference on Bullying Agenda

  1. OMG ….. I laughed my @sss off Keith! Oh my, that was funny …. I had a CRAPPY day yesterday and this was the best laugh I have had in a long time…..

    Scary: “bully appeasement.” “The President would now like to channel Neville Chamberlain…”

  2. Bullies. There is one way to stop them: *You hit them SQUARE in the mouth*, as hard as you can.

    I was pushed around by a really tall, loud mouthed bully during middle school who not only bullied me, but a half dozen other kids. He terrorized me daily, knocking my books out of my hands, pushed me against the wall and kicked my ass several times. Back then I was extremely small, weak, and coddled by my mom. I was called “tike” by my contemporaries and several words ascribing female characteristics to me were found in the boy’s gym restroom. The time to act had come.

    When this prig emerged from his 4th period science class, I walked right up to him and landed a RIGHT HOOK to his mouth, that tore his top lip completely in two. Blood went everywhere. He collapsed to the ground crying. And when the teacher emerged to take me to the Principle, she said the following, and I quote: “Why did it take you so long?” The Principle shook my hand and then lit up my rear end with the paddle with three quick SWATS, turned me around and said, “Next time, take this off campus. Good job!”

    I felt like a man. I had earned my stripes as a male.

    At my 25 year class reunion this year, the bully approached me (I am a bodybuilder now), and when he realized I was the one who fought back, he looked at the ground, said something unintelligible and walked away.

  3. Keith,

    Very funny and snarky, unfortunately you hit this administration’s view of foreign policy right on the head. Look at the response to all of the crises that have happened globally and you see that not one person in this administration knows how to handle a bully.

    The mantra is “give peace a chance”, unfortunately it’s more like “give piece a chance” – a piece of Israel to the PA, a piece of the American southwest to Mexico, a piece of S. Korea to the North and on and on.

    To borrow from Paul Revere and the Raiders, “Maybe someday when they learn, American courage will return!”

  4. I have been a vicitm of bullying in the workplace. I would love for there to be an extension of this summit to include adult bullying in the workplace, as I am quite sure I am not the only employee to experience this.