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The Top Ten Excuses McChrystal Gave Obama

White House Dossier has the inside dope on what McChrystal said to Obama this morning to try to keep his job. The general offered Obama several explanations for the interview with Rolling Stone. Talking to White House officials who spoke anonymously lest they get their asses kicked by the president, White House Dossier has uncovered the top ten explanations.

1. “Dude, we need more support for the war from rockers.”

2. “It was my evil twin Ishmael McChrystal, who recently escaped from a mental institution. He’s back there now watching TV.”

3. “Rolling Stone promised to give five stars to my new record, “It’s My War and I’ll cry if I Want To.”

4. “The reporter, Michael Hastings, said he loved me, but he lied.  I’m so ashamed.”

5. “Oh boy. Wait ’til the Penthouse interview and the centerfold comes out.”

6. “Two words, Mr. President: Afghani hashish.”

7.” They left out the quotes about how stunning Michelle is.”

8. “Please let me keep my job. I love killing Taliban.”

9. “The phrase ‘Bite me’ means ‘fucking genius’ in Pashtun.

10. “It’s not like I said you were “the first sort of mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

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