I don’t know about you, but I can’t live without my coffee. Not, at least, in a sustainable, people-friendly way.
If someone talks to me in the morning before I have my coffee, what I do is, I resist the urge to bite their head off and instead I go stand on my head in the corner and scream obscenities at the cat for 35 minutes.
The cat doesn’t mind, in case you’re an animal rights nut.
If there’s no coffee in the house, I take a screwdriver and chisel the dried coffee off the side of the pot from yesterday’s batch. Then I eat the pieces, which provide enough caffeine for me to get in my car and make it to the 7-11 to get whatever type of dishwater they’re disguising as coffee.
So it was really hitting below the belt when EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy said today that global warming was putting coffee at risk:
Coffee’s a temperature-sensitive crop. Climate change puts the world’s coffee-growing regions at risk.
Gina went on to say something about Coca Cola not being able to get water and sugar because of climate change, which would pretty much mean lights out for Coca Cola. And a six pack of Coca Cola will give me the caffeine I need for my morning hit. So this is a disaster.
Yeah, she said Coca Cola is not going to be able to find water. I thought the seas were going to swamp Atlanta? Oh well, never mind, let’s assume she must be right. It’s the “doubters” who are the lunatics, right? Not Gina McCarthy.
Anyway, this is too much to take. I give in. Please, President Obama, sign whatever treaty Gina wants. I don’t care if it requires us to drive golf carts to work. Just give me my coffee.
My cat agrees, BTW.