As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Category Archives: Satire

David Frye Does Richard Nixon

I was watching the video below of former Fox News White House reporter James Rosen, with whom I used to work when he was at the White House, doing some impressions. He hits them dead on. Have a look.

So it got me thinking, this being a White House publication, about presidential impersonators. Given that this is a day for presidential humor, when President Obama will be cracking jokes with the press at the White House correspondents dinner, I thought I’d share this clip of David Frye doing Richard Nixon.

It’s from an album my dad had around and that I used to listen to as a kid. Yes, as a kid. I got the politics bug early. Anyway, I thought you might get a kick out of it.

Top Ten Iranian Schemes to Acquire and Keep Nuclear Weapons

Wait a second everyone. Before this nuclear deal – or whatever it is – gets announced today, Western negotiators should be warned that White House Dossier has uncovered how Iran intends to fool the world about its weapons program.

We haven’t had a chance to confirm this, but given that time is running short and the issue is of such a critical nature, we felt we had to publish it immediately. Without, in fact, taking the time to read it.

Herewith, then, the Top ten Iranian schemes to acquire and keep nuclear weapons:

1. Hide a new nuclear weapons plant inside Kerry’s head.

2. Convince Obama the nuclear weapons program is “for the children.”

3. Convince Obama that if Iran ever drops its bombs, it will help combat global warming.

4. Promise to end the nuclear program if Ahmadinejad is allowed to compete on “Dancing with the Stars,” and then claim the United States is being “unreasonable” by keeping him off the show.

5. When nuclear weapons inspectors knock on the door, don’t open it, and keep saying, “This is the pickle factory and we’re closed now” until they go away.

6. If Obama threatens to attack, have Norway award him another Nobel Peace Prize.

7. Require nuclear weapons inspectors to use Apple Maps while in Iran.

8. Paint the nuclear weapons in bright, appealing colors.

9. Sponsor “Lifetime of Free Golf” award to P5+1 world leader who caves the most in negotiations.

10. Conceal the nuclear weapons by shoving them all up Ayatollah Khamenei’s ass.

Israel Agrees to be Destroyed in Ten Years

Israel today announced that, in keeping with the spirit of President Obama’s emerging nuclear deal with Iran, it has agreed to be entirely destroyed in ten years. “While we regret the destruction of our country, we understand that President Obama is not very good at negotiating agreements, and that he never had any intention ofContinue Reading

ISIS Agrees to Three-Year War

ISIS commanders today announced that they had agreed to President Obama’s time limit of three years for the war between the Islamic state and the United States and its allies. “We think three years is enough time to decide who’s best,” an ISIS spokesman said today. “There is much wisdom to Obama’s approach. It’s kind of likeContinue Reading