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Top Ten Things Global Warming Caused Besides Terrorism

There’s now consensus: Global warming causes terrorism.

Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders declared it so during a Democratic presidential debate. No more proof was needed, of course, but now President Obama has declared it, too.

Speaking at an international climate change conference in Paris this week, Obama provided “a glimpse of our children’s fate if the climate keeps changing faster than our efforts to address it.” This will include: “Submerged countries. Abandoned cities. Fields that no longer grow. Political disruptions that trigger new conflict, and even more floods of desperate peoples seeking the sanctuary of nations not their own.”

But Prime Minister Enele Sopoaga of the Pacific island nation of Tuvalu went further than America’s community organizer, declaring that “the effects of climate change … we strongly believe is also the cause of radicalism and terrorism.”

Well, we at LifeZette also strongly believe in the power of climate change, which itself may be imaginary but, whatever. As a service to you, the reader, we reveal 10 other horrible things global warming causes in addition to terrorism.

1. Obesity: Many are under the erroneous impression obesity is caused by eating too much and exercising too little. Nope. It’s now established that obesity is caused by global warming.

2. Disco: Disco was one of the worst things to happen to the ’70s. It, too, was caused by global warming. In fact, the two deceased Bee Gees each confirmed this before their deaths.

3. Bernie Sanders: The Democratic presidential candidate is one of the chief opponents of global warming. And yet it is little known that he himself was in fact caused by global warming.

4. The Patriots’ deflated footballs: No, it wasn’t Tom Brady who let the air out of those pigskins. Global warming.

5. Sinead O’Connor: Atmospheric scientists have determined that Sinead O’Connor was also caused by global warming. She may be cooling now.

6. Ishtar: One of the biggest movie flops of all time, the film ‘Ishtar’ is estimated to have lost some $40 million. The cause? Global warming.

7. The Kardashians: One of the worst things to happen to the country since disco, the Kardashians were also caused by global warming

8. Impossible To Open Children’s Toys: You’ve probably wondered why anyone would put unbreakable plastic around your kids new toy. They didn’t. It was global warming.

9. Poodles: These annoying little dogs have were in fact not created by breeders. They were created by global warming.

10. Bill Clinton’s insatiable sex drive: The fact is, as a kid, Bill Clinton was bookish and shy around women. But once global warming really started kicking in during the 1960s, Bill began propositioning every woman in Little Rock.

This piece first appeared on PoliZette.

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105 Responses to Top Ten Things Global Warming Caused Besides Terrorism

  1. OT.
    Trump is being excoriated for his comments concerning the celebrations of Muslims during the destruction of the World Trade Center towers.
    Glenn Beck daily maligns Trump, Rush Limbaugh doesn’t.

    Chris Christy has denied any form of a celebration in N.J.

    Here is evidence that it happened.
    BTW, this is why the libs want to censer the internet.
    This video appears to have been recorded of a TV from a VCR tape but the information is there.

    The media is still denying that any celebration took place.

    Well,….you be the judge.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3auKMHkZJnQ

    • Funny–I did not see hundreds, much less thousands–some woman is all I saw. Giuliani has said there were some attacks on individual Muslims–in one or two instances bec the attacked people had been celebrating…As for Eric on The Five saying, well, it happened someplace…He is openly a Trump lover, but that was weak. And ALL THIS ignores the fact that Trump out of the blue threw out an anti-Muslim thread to stir the pot.

    • IIRC, Guliani and NYC Police Chief say it was so. I saw videos of it at the time myself. And there are videos. Thousands, maybe not. But it did happen in NJ and elsewhere.

      But even today when there is evidence on video it will still be denied. This is how far down the path of believing lies Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have taken us. I single them out because it is essential to their very being.

  2. And Obama pardons a turkey that surely emits toxic gas into our atmosphere while his wife welcomes the WH Christmas Tree…a blasphemy according to the Sierra Club.

    H

      • Interesting. Did not know that–The weird grooming with the balls on the knees and ankles, I heard, was to keep their joints warm while retrieving things from water. I wanted one since I lived downstairs from an owner whose wife would dance with their standard–it was taller than she was. They seemed to enjoy it–both of them. But I digress from global warming…

  3. 17 people were shot in a park in Louisiana by a black gang.
    300 people were in the park, 17 injured by gunfire.
    Has anybody seen this on the news ?

  4. Climate Change is whatever you want it to be. It’s a generic Boogeyman. It’s like ManBearPig in South Park.

    A lie, repeated often enough, becomes the truth.

  5. Add me to causing global warming because I’m steaming.
    A Cook County judge released 3 Mexican Nationals who were arrested for possession of 25 kilos of herion on I-bonds. Sign your name, promise to show up on your court date and adios. Well adios indeed! They’ve dissapeard. 55 pounds of heroin and out the door to Mexico.
    Well that’s OK, because if the had been sent to jail, Obama would have released them.

    • I think global warming AND climate changed are responsible for a judge releasing the black kid who said he wanted to kill whites to the care of his mom.

      And it is also responsible for all the events of Baltimore. It’s almost as if they did not happen — all because of global warming and climate change.

      And Global Warming/Climate change is also the reason for the Syrian refugees — it is just too much weather for them.

    • Another Shep-special with no real info that will be on for hrs. Our power was out an hour…I guess it could have stayed out. Still, sounds awful…which candidate “did” this?

      • …Wonderful…time to break out the pills and try to watch that bitch Shep Smith ramble on hysterically with no facts about a “breaking story”

        • Watched Shep on that news story for about two minutes. Lost count of the number of times he said, “Well, maybe this is their motivation,” or “Perhaps this is what happened,” or “It might be that….”.

          All that guessing, coupled with Shep’s mispronunciation and boggled-up syntax and guess work is too much for me. If I had spoken English in that manner in the First Grade when Sister Eve was my teacher and I was just learning how to speak English properly, she would have sent me to the corner with a dunce hat on. For a long time.

  6. I have a quarter that says Barack will be on TV calling for recall of the 2nd amendment. Unless , of course, the shooter happens to indeed be “Farook” somebody, member of the Religion of Peace, who shot a bunch of white Republicans.

  7. ‘Ya know ‘sumptin?
    Like everyone else I’m watching news broadcast s.
    I look at the number of first responders, firefight and cops, some unarmed standing in harms way.
    They are there, I’m here safe at home.
    They are out in that thin blue line, God I’m so proud of them.
    Yea, f**k the police, kill the police.
    OK pal, kma

  8. Shep getting whiny and starting to criticize the local authorities for no official updates and keeping the public in the dark.

    Hard to believe at a large news organization like Fox that he’s their lead anchor for all the hard news.

    • Earlier Shep was listed number killed. Mentioned divice cops were working on. Later he states we are not being told how many, not being told about the divice

    • I think we’re seeing a difference in tactics in this attack.
      Instead of direct contact, this is a raid. Hit, skip and zip.
      No dying in a final shootout.
      Hit, hide and hit again, another time, another place.

      • Yea, this one’s got a bit of different feel than most of the other mass shootings. Not sure what it means. Hopefully, they’ll get to the bottom of it fast.

        • If they are white — it will go real fast. Black gangs etc. slower than molasses. And terrorism — workplace violence and possibly three lone wolves without a daddy.

      • To answer my own question, Fox just mentioned this was the only building in the complex that wasn’t secure. This was a well-planned, precision operation, and they got away cleanly.

        • Another gun-free zone/building, in other words. And Obama wants to make this entire country a gun-free zone. Well, except for the inner city ghettos. He’s fine with having the drug gangs armed to the teeth.

          • It’s my opinion that Obama’s constant over reactionary anti gun stuff using words like mass killings etc. and isolating the US as the sole country who does this just encourages people to do it more often. I do see a connection between the two.

            Over at neo neo con she notes a distinction that Obama has between “mass shootings” in the US and terrorist incidents whether here or abroad. But he doesn’t seem to go as hard at terrorists as he does about the 2nd amendment.

            Maybe it’s me. But that’s how I see it.

            And then, of course, there is always and too frequently the just plain crazy …

          • Grace, there could hardly be a more eye-popping comment from Obama then his statement in Paris that only the US has mass murders. This said mere days after 128 people were massacred in a mass shooting mere blocks from where he was standing to make the statement. There is some utterly screwed up in this man.

  9. Latest count: 14 dead. First of all, San Bernardino is rife with gangs and illegals – it’s a hellhole.
    More released prison felons here than anywhere in the country.

    I couldn’t begin to speculate on this one. It’s bizarre. Is it just coincidence that it occurred at a ‘Christmas’ party? Dunno. ISIS? Doesn’t seem like their style. So many bad guys in SB.

    Latest: Police just chased black SUV near crime site. One cop down – shot. One man running from scene.
    One still in car.

    • And that’s a whole other kettle of fish, the leniency of the judicial system and the release of criminals will little to no monitoring.

      Anyway, didn’t SB go bankrupt a few years ago as well?

      Meanwhile back in Indiana an Obama appointed judge agreed with the out of control ACLU and denied a live Christmas either creche or pageant that had been going on for years.

      That Baby Jesus — he makes me feel unsafe and it is so discriminating during the Christmas season.

      • The creche!!! Imagine! Ever since I was a child (a jillion yrs ago), Beverly Hills had the most beautiful Nativity scene with the little Creche. It was done away with several yrs ago, along with Santa Claus and the Reindeer that was hung across a major intersection.
        I am so glad my children were able to enjoy it when they were little.

        This year, there are no signs of Christmas anywhere. It’s SO SAD!!!!
        I don’t even know if Trump could revive it…Merchants are so worried about losing foreign customers.

  10. I have a bad feeling that even if the evidence is terrorism, Obama and the media, will refuse to allow that in the coverage. I think that’s how bad it has gotten. There is a full on drive by this President and the Democrat Party to deny terrorism in the US and to focus on gun control. And that is even more dangerous than what has already taken place in other incidents.

    • And if it turns out that these killers are from a local ISIS cell and that, with all the surveillance capability we have, the Feds missed it, weren’t aware of it, didn’t pick up comint or humint about that cell, then we are in even a worse mess than we thought we were.

      • I just cannot rule out the FBI lying a situation or misrepresenting to the people, under orders. I don’t trust our national security agencies to keep us safe. Just don’t trust this Administration. There was a brief discussion here about that before….for the first time, don’t feel the government is protecting us.

        • Within the past hour, the LA Times confirmed him by name as one of the suspects, and Fox finally reported it. However, just learned now it’s unclear whether he is one of the deceased. (?!)

          The name has been out there for several hours, but of course we have to be sensitive and discreet before releasing any “foreign-sounding” names. Isn’t it nice that we’re so concerned about the “sensitivity issues” related to the suspects, as opposed to the poor victims who were ruthlessly gunned down today?

          • On clips I have heard that. Unfortunately it is now becoming very possible that political correctness might well indeed kill us.

            It is ridiculous to watch these media people. “Oh there’s a gentleman running toward me with a large knife. And he yelling something. I can’t quite hear. It sounds like Allah Akbar, but I am not sure. I will clarify when he gets to the mic which should be any minute now”.