As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Climate Change Threat: NOT MY COFFEE!

I don’t know about you, but I can’t live without my coffee. Not, at least, in a sustainable, people-friendly way.

If someone talks to me in the morning before I have my coffee, what I do is, I resist the urge to bite their head off and instead I go stand on my head in the corner and scream obscenities at the cat for 35 minutes.

The cat doesn’t mind, in case you’re an animal rights nut.

If there’s no coffee in the house, I take a screwdriver and chisel the dried coffee off the side of the pot from yesterday’s batch. Then I eat the pieces, which provide enough caffeine for me to get in my car and make it to the 7-11 to get whatever type of dishwater they’re disguising as coffee.

So it was really hitting below the belt when EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy said today that global warming was putting coffee at risk:

Coffee’s a temperature-sensitive crop. Climate change puts the world’s coffee-growing regions at risk.

Gina went on to say something about Coca Cola not being able to get water and sugar because of climate change, which would pretty much mean lights out for Coca Cola. And a six pack of Coca Cola will give me the caffeine I need for my morning hit. So this is a disaster.

Yeah, she said Coca Cola is not going to be able to find water. I thought the seas were going to swamp Atlanta? Oh well, never mind, let’s assume she must be right. It’s the “doubters” who are the lunatics, right? Not Gina McCarthy.

Anyway, this is too much to take. I give in. Please, President Obama, sign whatever treaty Gina wants. I don’t care if it requires us to drive golf carts to work. Just give me my coffee.

My cat agrees, BTW.

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59 Responses to Climate Change Threat: NOT MY COFFEE!

  1. Your early morning caffeine-deprived sounds scary, but I get it. Moi? – cave-man sounds, bumping into furniture as I try to open the eyelids – not pretty.

    Wait. No water for cola; how can that be when the ice caps are melting. No sugar – ha, they don’t use sugar anymore, they use corn syrup.

    We’re not buying it, so they can just quit trying to sell some phony story of a dried-up or flooded earth, too hot to live in so we’re all going to die after the poor rise up and kill us in our beds.
    If and when the powerful, the moversandshakers, the elite, the wealthy, et al garage their gas guzzling autos and put their Lear into storage then we might have a disussion.

    • If and when the powerful, the moversandshakers, the elite, the wealthy, et al garage their gas guzzling autos and put their Lear into storage then we might have a disussion.

      Amen srdem, don’t hold your breath.

      Our dictator in chief uses at least three large aircraft every time he goes on his fund raising trips.

      His limo gets maybe 6 miles to the gallon.

    • “No sugar…they use corn syrup.”
      Wait! Our “healthy cereal” uses…
      …….***crystallized cane juice***
      .
      .
      .
      Duh!
      Sugar. for those health nutz who can’t handle the truth.

    • That’s funny. Yes, go get it from the melting polar ice caps! And you’re absolutely right, just goes to show how full of it – sorry, misleading – she is. It’s all distilled corn in our sodas, and they grow it like weeds.

  2. We have a tom cat that wakes us up around 5 AM every morning because his food dish is empty.
    I can scream at him all I want and he just looks at me until I fill his food dish.
    Cat’s don’t give a damn what you think, they own you and their environment.

    We have plenty of water here, just south of the Great Lakes.

    Gina is just another boob that was apparently educated in one of the premier colleges.
    Otherwise, she would not be in this administration.

    Keith, don’t stand on your head, you could fall on the cat. :)

    • I have a 20lb cat who jumps on top of me every a.m. at 7—–he doesn’t care if it is the weekend and I really want to sleep in. I have started fooling him by filling his food dish when I go to bed! If his sister hasn’t emptied it I find him waiting patiently on the floor when I get up. Good luck, AFVet!

    • AFVet, my cat yells at me when he thinks his bowl is empty, but it’s not. Milo eats the food from the center of his bowl leaving a ring of food around the edges. Does you cat do that?

    • AFVet, our cat Milo thinks his bowl is empty, but he eats from the center leaving a ring of kibbles around the edge. He fusses at me, but I simply shake the remaining food to the center and he’s happy and quiet. Does your Tom do that?

  3. If you organize a Million Bean March, I’m in…

    (2009… ice storm..no electricity for 9 days. I made some kind of warm water with coffee grounds mix on the kerosene heater. I felt like quite the pioneer woman, but a pioneer woman would have had a non-electric coffee maker. I now keep emergency instant coffee in the freezer.)

  4. I think I’m going to start hoarding cases and cases of Chock Full of Nuts now ;)

    OMG, just the thought of running out makes me crazy. I try to never let my stock get below 2 cans as it is. It’s life giving blood in our family /sarc.

    • I get regular delivery from Community Coffee in Baton Rouge. When we moved from Louisiana I stocked up and almost went crazy when it was gone. Thank goodness they now have a coffee club with online ordering.

    • Deal at Costco, Starbucks fresh whole coffee beans! $20.00 per package.If you don’t have time to grind and brew.Whole beans are tasty …like a M & M….melts in your mouth ..not in your hand ! Ha !

        • OK! Information overload, or info we all need? I report you decide. But to be honest, it is a practical matter that would have to be addressed. Just like “Is there enough Vermouth to get us through to spring?”

  5. I drink coffee with a chicory. I as well keep extra coffee on hand, due to going though many hurricanes. That is one of the first things that clear the shelves. However now… I will keep double amount for this climate emergency.:)

    • Chicory:

      1. Cajun word meaning “fermented wood chips”.

      2. Cajun word meaning something OTHER than fermented wood chips but they don’t want you to know what they’re actually saying.

      3. Cajun word meaning non-Cajuns will be seeking sit-down toilet (twa-let) accomodations REAL soon.

  6. “Coffee’s a temperature-sensitive crop. Climate change puts the world’s coffee-growing regions at risk.”

    But surely, climate changes will allow for coffee to be grown somewhere else, then?

  7. My brain…it burrrnnnnnsss! Where does this administration find these loons. I don’t know who’s crazier…the loons, or the people that believe them. We have entrusted the running of this biggest bunch of losers this country has ever seen. And this EPA head and the one before are to of the most prominent examples. They can have my leftover coffee grounds when they pry them from my cold dead hands!!! This woman being given a forum to spew nonsense like this really chaps my ass.

    • As far as I am concerned—-Coke can suffer and disappear! They are nothing but corn syrup and chemicals leaching calcium from our bones anyway. But COFFEE——they say it keeps Alzheimers away! Where there is a will, there is a way so the growers will take care of it. This is more government Bu** Cr**!

  8. OT: I missed this comment from Kerry earlier. I just heard it on The Five.
    Kerry said: We have the capacity to knock out ISIS, but will not get suckered into that.
    So………the enemy knows part of our stategy.
    Tell a child who is misbehaving I have the means to punish you,for doing wrong, but I will not get suckered into that.

    • So. Let me see if I have this straight. We have an enemy who not only wants us dead but wants our entire way of life to be erased from the face of the earth. WE have the capacity to eliminate that enemy. AND WE WILL NOT BE SUCKERED INTO THAT. Can Jean Francoise Keree’ BE any MORE stoopid?? Let me answer my own question. Of COURSE he can, just give him a chance

    • Don’t they just? And if you have a cat AND a dog even the dog will be conscripted into the service of the cat. It is a symbiotic relationship though. Our dogs actually seemed to enjoy cleaning the cats litter box!

  9. I enjoy my morning cuppa java but it wouldn’t kill me live without it. Now those in proximity to me may be in grave danger, but I’LL live!!

    • Ha I was just coming here to post that. It made me remember Keith’s post from just last month about Obummer appointing Clancy:

      http://www.whitehousedossier.com/2015/02/18/obama-taps-personal-secret-service-agent-run-agency/

      Obama Taps His Former Secret Service Agent to Run Agency
      Posted on February 18, 2015, 1:26 pm by Keith Koffler • 14 Comments

      President Obama chose an insider known to him personally to head the Secret Service, elevating the former head of his security detail and the current acting director, Joseph Clancy, to assume stewardship over the troubled agency.

      A panel of experts assembled by the administration itself last year recommended bringing in someone from the outside. No matter, Obama chose someone he is comfortable with.

      The president values loyalty. Whether he has put loyalty ahead of competence in this case is unclear. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest would not even say today that there was a competitive selection process, saying only that it was not a “foregone conclusion” when Obama made Clancy the acting director that he would remain.

      Clancy does not have significant managerial experience and he is from within the agency. On the other hand, he has acted boldly in removing senior people who were part of the problem and has impressed some members of Congress. Hopefully, Obama is doing the right thing.

      • Let’s see. Obamawannabe appoints someone to protect him who might not be up to the job. WHY IS ANYONE COMPLAINING OR EVEN POINTING OUT THE FACT !!!! Quiet people!! Let events take the course towards which Dear Leader steers them!

  10. There is a lot of coffee grown and harvested here where I live and it has been having a lot of issues lately. Could be the bugs,global cooling here, volcanic ash or SNOW in the mountains. I will never surrender:)

  11. I completely identify with Keith. Army coffee in the field was tops. The cook would boil a 20 gallon pot of water, then dump in 3lb can of coffee. Let it boil for another 10 minutes stirring with a canoe paddle. Turn off the heat, let pot stand for 5 minutes. We would file by with our canteen cups (metal with big handle) and dip into the black hot liquid. Best starter fluid known to man..

  12. Keith — something field soldiers learn quickly. When you can’t get the real brewed McCoy, a single-cup packet of instant coffee dissolved in the mouth is a quick fix. Beats scraping yesterday’s leavings off the inside of the pot.