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Obama’s Top Ten New Ideas for Fighting ISIS

With ISIS taking more towns in Syria and, on the other front, closing in on Baghdad, it appears President Obama’s strategy for “degrading and ultimately destroying” the Islamist psychos is failing.

Some are calling for boots on the ground. But this is not necessary, as Obama has a backup plan. In fact, he has many ideas he hasn’t tried yet.

Obama called last night to share his thoughts with White House Dossier. We agreed the conversation would be off the record, but this morning I decided, Ahh, screw it.

Here then, the Obama’s top ten new ideas for fighting ISIS:

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1. Convince ISIS fighters that virgins awaiting them in heaven frequently “have a headache.”

2. Point “This Way to Baghdad” road signs the other way.

3. Promise, if they’ll stop fighting, to upgrade their iPhone 5’s to iPhone 6’s at a discount even if their plans say they don’t qualify yet.

4. Explain to them that blowing things up adds to global warming.

5. Ask the Wizard of Oz to give Iraqi soldiers “courage.”

6. Let ISIS members know it’s impossible to find a good deli in Baghdad these days.

7. Ask Gwyneth Paltrow for advice on what to do at this point.

8. Make John Kerry, Harry Reid, and Alan Greenspan available to the Iraqi military in order to try to bore ISIS militants to death.

9. Starve them by convincing ISIS chefs to use Michelle’s new school lunch menu.

10. Tell ISIS fighters that he’s going to hit them with a plague of frogs and “I don’t mean the French military.”

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Has Obama called you too? Are there any ideas you are aware of?

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62 Responses to Obama’s Top Ten New Ideas for Fighting ISIS

  1. 1. Convince ISIS fighters that virgins awaiting them in heaven frequently “have a headache.” SNIP

    The Koran doesn’t care about consent.

  2. Tell them things have improved for them, the 1%’ers of the ME, but life has been stagnant for their middle class with no upgrade in wages for 20 years.
    The same words he used to the Paltrow crowd.

  3. Hilarious post, and not too far out of the range of possibility. On a serious note, after the 2012 election, I usually take Dick Morris with a huge grain of salt, but I read today on his site that Obama has been purging the army (a la Stalin right before a big war) and has just fired his 9th general. It’s not being covered anywhere else where I can see, but if anyone knows of another source for this story, I’d be very interested.

        • Been following this somewhat.

          If military stays volunteer — I don’t think there will be too many signing up while Obama is CIC. And of those that do — well, let’s just say — not much military heritage in them — but lots of colors and tequila. It will be interesting when someone tells them there are “rules” and “guns” and “fighting” in return for the military as the new welfare state. But then again maybe no rules , guns or fighting if Obama’s “coalition” and mission of “degrade and destroy” is an early indicator.

          I predict a lot of troupe prancing.

          • Our son signed up for the National Guard and is waiting until a new CIC before determining if he will enlist full time. Many of those who joined at the same time are true patriots. At his graduation from basic last month I was impressed that the Chaplin they had speak asked everyone to bow their heads and he offered up a substantial prayer. Gives me hope that all is not lost. Many of these men and women are prepared to go the distance. They are not stupid. They are waiting and watching carefully.

  4. I see that Turkey is now helping ISIS against the Kurds.
    Quick….get Susan Rice a Sunday Show Do-Over. She stated that the Turks are letting us use their bases Sunday.
    Kind of like that video that took the lives of three brave Americans in Benghazi.
    That woman needs to go….black pearls and all….she is sickening to look at and hear.

    • I am sick and tired of the incompetence of this administration. Especially, when it comes to National Security and Foreign Relations.

      At this point, I would suggest all forms of verbal communication and miming come to a halt. From the President down on down it needs to stop. It seems like the amount apologies out number the statements three to one.

      Susan Rice is the worse NSA the U.S. has ever had. The fact is she should have been fired in 2012 over Benghazi but she needs to resign from her own embarrassment. Negotiating through the news outlets and press statements doesn’t work.

  5. Actually I have obtained a copy of his real plan to fight ISIS:

    1. Sleep in late every day
    2. Play Golf
    3. Party every single night of the week
    4. Avoid Michelle as much as possible.
    5. Fundraise non-stop raking off a cash cut of the top of the take at every fundraiser.
    6. Never tell the truth about anything. Lie, lie, lie
    7. Play Golf
    8. Take a nap every afternoon
    9. Avoid Michelle as much as possible
    10. Play Golf

    ISIS doesn’t stand a chance!

  6. Gwyneth has the solution to all of the problems…just give this man the power to pass everything he wants (I am assuming that this includes any kidney stones which men his age frequently get). Obama has a pen, phone, a scared GOP, an adoring compliant state media, his happy band of ethnic congressional caucai (not sure if that is a word), La Raza and his adoring fan base and he still cant do a moderately competent job. The only people who do not have any representation in this country are the tax payers. We are told to shut up and lump it.

  7. Well, yes, if you must know; Barry called late last night (btw – Shelly says Hey! to everyone at WHD) and we had a nice chat. I’m not at liberty to divulge what was said, but needless to say – the ISIL/S guys are in for a lot of hurt.
    What I can reveal is that Barry and Chuck Hagel have devised a plan to rid our country of ebola victims, their relatives, and their waste products by shipping them overseas, not saying where mind you, but there it is- a brilliant scheme to, uh, kill two birds with one,uh, move.

    ot: this is just for MrK, so the rest of you just move on
    Really, doesn’t Barry have enough to worry about without you blabbing the talking points that he saves for his deep pocket donors?
    If he doesn’t have something special to tell these people, they won’t give him any cash, and probably assume he doesn’t have a clue of what to do. Geez.
    /s/ a really big /S/

  8. You want to fight “ISIS”:
    1. B-52/B-1/B-2/TLAM ‘tactical’ bombing of anything that moves related to “ISIS”..and drop some ‘Special Ops’ units into Iraq to pin-point the BOMBING of these “ISIS” SAVAGES… (and send the Kurds some “Green Beret” A-Teams & a few thousands weapons etc.)

    2. Use some ICBMs to turn most of the shit-hole that is the ‘Mid-East’ into a glass parking lot.