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Obama to Permit Immigration from Chicago

President Obama has decided to allow immigrants to cross the border from his hometown of Chicago into the rest of the United States, placing an initial influx of refugees from the Murder Capital of the United States at the Seafarer Hotel on Martha’s Vineyard, the island where the president will be vacationing next month.

“I’m glad to welcome refugees from the violence in Chicago to The Vineyard,” said a cheery Obama during an Oval Office interview with White House Dossier. “America is defined by immigrants and enriched by their presence, and Chicagoans have valuable contributions to make,” he said. “And I’d like to take this opportunity to announce that each individual will receive a five-percent-off coupon at Max’s Lobster Shack.”

Martha’s Vineyard Mayor Elliot Shpinkle immediately announced the hiring of 150 additional police officers.

Obama promised to bring Chicago immigrants onto the golf course with him. “I may even give them a mulligan,” the president chortled. “And wait until they taste the pancakes at Myrtle’s Waffle House. They won’t regret immigrating for a minute.”

White House officials, however, did not deny claims by Chicago-area sources that immigrants would not begin trekking to Martha’s Vineyard until September, after Obama’s vacation is over.

Secretary of State John Kerry refused to comment. “I vacation on Nantucket,” Kerry sneered, a noticeable look of satisfaction and relief on his face.

Obama promised to consider opening the borders of Detroit, Cleveland, and other regions hobbled by Obamanomics and Democratic mayors.

Meanwhile, the White House announced that the president will vacation next year in Bermuda.

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32 Responses to Obama to Permit Immigration from Chicago

  1. We are BEING LIED TO by Obama again!

    Misperceptions about U.S. immigration policy behind surge of illegal children, report says.
    A new intelligence assessment concludes that misperceptions about U.S. immigration policy – and not Central American violence – are fueling the surge of thousands of children illegally crossing the Mexican border.

    The 10-page July 7 report was issued by the El Paso Intelligence Center (EPIC), which according to the Justice Department website is led by the DEA and incorporates Homeland Security. Its focus is on the collection and distribution of tactical intelligence, information which can immediately be acted on by law enforcement.

    “Of the 230 migrants interviewed, 219 cited the primary reason for migrating to the United States was the perception of U.S. immigration laws granting free passes or permisos to UAC (unaccompanied children) and adult females OTMs (other than Mexicans) traveling with minors,” the report said.

    Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart, R-Fla., told reporters Tuesday, “It’s a critical situation and if we don’t deal with it urgently but well- done right- then we’re facing a crisis of just huge proportions.”

    Diaz-Balart, who along with other lawmakers just visited Central America, described how human smugglers — known as coyotes – are exploiting perceived changes to U.S. immigration law after the Obama administration decided in 2012 to practice prosecutorial discretion in cases where individuals were brought into the U.S. illegally as minors.

    “The violence isn’t new. The situation in those countries is not new,” Diaz-Balart said. “These cartels have seen a weakness in the system. They’ve seen statements coming from the administration that they have used in order to just frankly increase the number of people coming over.

    “Remember this is not a five-year-old or an 11-year-old can’t just walk over the border and get to the United States. These are organized coyotes doing this.”
    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/07/16/misperceptions-about-us-immigration-policy-behind-surge-illegal-children-report/

  2. Satire, I know, and good satire at that. But a black youth from Baltimore has been in the news asking why he can’t get amnesty from Baltimore’s inner-city gangs.

    OT, I read that Hillary Clinton appeared somewhere (Jon Stewart?) and said, “Let’s get America back to being great.” Channeling Ronald Reagan, watching the returns on the new D’Souza movie? Come to think of it, I’m not that OT because this is satire too, not?

    • I saw the clip of ever so cloying Stewart asking her would her ideal office space have corners–would it be any special shape? She trilled away merrily with that nutty laugh.

  3. One of Chicago’s ‘unaccompanied minors’ Malia Obama, is spending the summer as an unpaid intern on the set of Halle Berry’s new series in Hollywood. Her mother, Michelle Obama, is just about to land at Santa Monica Airport after completing a $7M flight (according to news reports). She is arriving not to pick up her child, but to join her on the celebrity circuit.
    Wonder if she will have time for a photo op and visit with the recent invaders, or if she will take some back with her to the occupied territory where she resides.

    • Ironically, Michelle Obama and L.A. Mayor, Eric Garcetti, are riding in a convoy together and will visit a symposium of sorts on Homeless Vets and the lack of funding for them.

      Meanwhile, Mayor Garcetti is welcoming the invaders with open arms. “There will be tearful reunions’, he said, referring to the fact that most of them have illegal alien parents who are already here.

      • I live in L.A. and can’t stand Garcetti…shortly after he took office, he allowed some sort of Trayvon tribute (I think at City Hall), featuring a lone hoodie on display.

        • Garcetti is already running for his second term. Today he said the new arrivals need to have driver’s licenses and scholarships.
          I can’t bear to watch the local news. After Villa’grossa’, I’m finished. We are officially Mexifornia.
          I have a feeling the latest invasion will spark a race war in L.A. The blacks are furious! Whites are no longer in the crosshairs.

  4. A friend who knows stuff tells us that the Gov of NewJersey is negotiating with the Homeland folks to place the refugees in one of the currently empty casinos on the A.C. boardwalk area. Local union officials have offered their members to work at the refugee casinos under an old contract to provide cleaning and food services.
    In what appears to be a win/win for the Governor and his union pals, PreezieObama has given the Homeland refugee council his approval of this plan.

  5. …Great, another bunch a ignorant Schwoogies let loose from Chicago.
    Its not bad enough that Chicago gave the USA “Barack Hussein Obama”…

    • You know perfectly well that is a racial insult. Gross. I hope this won’t become a staple over on this site. Come on, you seem like a more thoughtful person. And Chicago did not “give” us this president–plenty of other people helped.

      • I apologize “Star”.

        I am just sick of all this ‘racist’ hypocrisy that the Left-Liberals-Democrats-Obama regime is allowed to use everyday in the “media” against us.
        If I a conservative/Patriot and make a snarky joke-comment about ‘race’ (like Anthony Cumia from “Opie&Anthony”) I am called out as a “RACIST!”
        I am just so sick & tired of the double standards that are used.

        • I was surprised. Every aspect of everything seems to have a double standard–but does that justify ugliness. We can be the way we want to. I saw that Anthony guy on Red Eye–he went right for a smirky “she was a whore” (the woman who attacked him) attack and right for the “they” versus me thing. I don’t know about being fired, that could have been overkill–but he came off as kind of stupid and ignorant himself. I have left one popular site because many commenters there think it’s OK and productive to call themselves mean old ladies and men and then spew racism. I get nothing out of that. No new info, no hope, no urls, no nothing. I guess I am a COL–crabby old lady.

  6. POTUS should vacation in Chicago instead. Maybe around South Halsted, between 77th-79th Streets. He and his family can take long, meandering walks at all hours of the day and night. They can take in local attractions like the Halsted Citgo, Hot City Cocktail Lounge, and the giant vacant lot up on 74th Street, across from the Liquor Mart.

    They should take Biden with them, too. Tell him to leave the shotgun at home, with Jill, in case she hears a rustling in the woods.