As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Sweden Demands Football Vikings Change Name

The nation of Sweden is demanding that the Obama administration act to deny copyright status to the Minnesota Vikings, claiming the name demeans its citizens and all other Scandinavians.

“We can no longer tolerate the use of this disgusting epithet by an American football team,” said Swedish Prime Minister Olaf Milkquist in a letter to President Obama

“First of all, ‘football’ means ‘soccer,’ Milkquist wrote. “I realize that this is an unrelated matter, but it really pisses people off in Europe. You only use your foot occasionally in football, whereas in soccer the foot is the only thing you can use. Or at least the main thing.

“Secondly, the term ‘Vikings’ suggests a violent race intent on pillaging small villages and stealing their women,” Milkquist continued. “In fact, the Vikings were a peace-loving people who spread goodwill throughout the world and grew strawberries in the summer.”

Milkquist wrote that the “proper” term is “Norsemen,” saying, “Please tell your patent office to rename the team the Minnesota Norsemen.”

He noted that a group of Minnesota Vikings were at one time referred to as “The Purple People Eaters,” adding, “See what I mean?”

Milkquist called the U.S. ambassador into his office Wednesday, handed him the letter, and smacked him in the face. He also suggested to the ambassador that the United States change the name of the Green Bay Packers as well. “It’s nothing against Sweden, it’s just bad name,” he said. “You Americans have no taste.”

The White House said it would immediately begin proceedings to change the Vikings’ moniker.

“The president has ordered the U.S. patent office to revoke the Vikings’ copyright and to arrest Fran Tarkenton and put him in jail,” said White House press Secretary Jay Carney.

Tarkenton, who retired in 1978, will be housed at Gitmo.

“We have openings there,” Carney said, “and it’s the best place to extract information from him.”

Meanwhile, the Cleveland Indians earlier this week successfully rebuffed an attempt by the Obama administration to change their name, with the team’s attorney’s arguing that the name in fact refers to people who live in southern Asia and is in no way meant to offend Native Americans.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on RedditShare on LinkedInEmail this to someone

60 Responses to Sweden Demands Football Vikings Change Name

  1. …and the state of Oklahoma, which means “red people” in the Choctaw language will also be changed to “Homa”, meaning just “people”.

    • I’m not sure it’s “the people’s” PC silliness, but the people do seem to have the attitude that “If you’re going to be raped, you might as well lay (sic) back and enjoy it.” This country just seems numb to me.

      • Glen Beck said on FOX last night that 90% of Native Americans had no objection to the name, but Megan Kelly said that was an old poll. I have never seen or read any Native American speaking out on the subject.

        • I am married to a Native American who is very active in his local tribe. They are all huge Redskin fans and think all this fuss is just the PC posse working over time.

  2. Now if I were the owner of the Washington Redskins, I would sue the pants off of the patent feds. Of course. And then I would change the mascot to a fighting redskin potato.

    Let the PC police twist their panties into a knot over that.

  3. I believe Dan Snyder has gone about this wrong. He should cut a deal with Harry Reid and the Democrats. He will change the name if one of the following conditions are met.

    1. Eric Holder must Resign. (One racist for another)

    2. Make the actual live birth certificate of Barack Obama available to the press.

    3. Never mention the Koch Brothers in the Senate again.

    4. Limit the Obama’s to 4- one week vacations. Mooch must fly on AF1 with Barack. Plus, Mooch can no longer take separate vacations.

    5. Disclose the exact whereabouts of the President on the night of 9/11. Even if it is in the bathroom having a Joe Cool panic attack.

    6. President Obama can no longer play golf for the balance of his a Presidency.

    7. The President can no longer attend Fundraisers outside of DC nor can he have any at WH.

    8. No more sports teams are allowed to come to WH for photo op with President.

    All they have to do is agree with and live up to one until 2016. If they do then the Redskins name will change on Jan 21,2017.

    I wonder what minority group will protest the name of the Stealers? I mean it has been misspelled all these years! LOL

  4. I didn’t know if I should take this serious or not but after a 2nd reading I couldn’t stop laughing it was so hilarious. This truly is a master piece

  5. What’s next? They better not fool with my favorite minor league ball team…..
    Las Vegas Train Robbers

    I mean, we need to preserve and protect the good old fashioned train robbery. Good lawdy Miss Claudie….

    H

  6. Another good one.
    While it exposes the outright silliness of ‘what’s in a name’, the reality of a government agency deciding what’s politically correct and using it’s great power to the ends approved by the sitting President are downright scary.

    Who the heck are we anymore? We’re not yet living in a communist, tyrannical country, we still have laws and procedures that protect us from a government gone astray of their purpose.
    We’ve seen that the football team can appeal this decision, but why should they have to do that? Who has the authority to change that ruling by the Patent PC crowd, if the whole of the current administration ignores all of the existing laws they’re bound to enforce?
    This is another abuse of government on the same level as the IRS attacking citizens for attempting to speak freely. There is no law that prevents anyone from using any language, any insult, any non PC attitude, but rather we have the rule of law that protects any speech, no matter how offensive to anyone.

  7. Keith, you are the ‘king of satire’ and ‘snarkiness’! (Is that a word?)
    Thanks for your wacky take on current affairs and extreme PC that is related to snuffing out the 1st Amendment ‘Free Speech’ rights!

    Since his first election, bho has been involved in dividing this once ‘United Nation’ into ‘squabbling classes’ based on as many differences as can possibly be delineated!

    Our diverse cultural influences, our history with the good and the bad, our determination to keep our country the ‘Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave’ and passing on our legacy from the Founding Fathers’ Judeo-Christian values and principles written into our founding documents are what make America a country for people of every background – country of laws for everyone!

    Recently, BO & MO met with the Native American council members. Has any news outlet reported what took place besides bho dancing??

    Remember, Native American lands, casinos, schools, communities, businesses, farms operate ‘tax-free’ so the monies can be used to provide education and jobs in their communities and for every possible career. Great examples of working to ‘lift citizens out of poverty’ with some encouraging stats beginning to reflect successes. Still a long way to go.

    Americans can be ‘united’ while appreciating the cultural influences that are part of our heritage. Do not allow division and discord. My university changed their sports teams name years ago to be PC, but all of the Alums still admire the former mascot who represented strength, bravery, and commanded respect on every level. jb

  8. Can anyone remember the last time you heard someone disparage an American Indian by calling them a “redskin”?

    I was always under the impression you name a team after something you admire and look up to or that has some connection to your state or city. Eagles, Colts, Falcons.

    I will start a petition with the USPatent office because the Atlanta Braves is offensive to my drop of American Indian blood!

  9. Now MSNBC is issuing WARNINGS when taking about the Washington Redskins.

    “Reid was discussing the controversy surrounding the Washington Redskins, a name she described as a 
”racial slur” and refused to repeat on air. Before playing a clip of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D., Nev.) talking about the Redskins on the Senate floor, the MSNBC host told viewers: “He does use the name of the team, so I’m just going to warn you guys about that in advance.””

    OMG! They can use the term “teabaggers” at will but Washington Redskins now gets a warning. Where has our nation gone?

  10. It’s time that animal lovers stand up as well. It offends my two year old daughter that they humiliate her stuffed animals by associating them with football. Eliminate Cubs, Bears, Tigers, Falcons, Orioles, Rays, Marlins, Cardinals, Diamondbacks, Eagles, Broncos, Ravens, Dolphins, Seahawks, Lions, Rams, Bengals, Colts, Jaguars, Blackhawks, Panthers, Ducks, Sharks, Penguins.

    And you can get rid of the most offensive of them all: the Ottawa Senators! And tell me why Cleveland can keep the Indians to themselves when they are an American institution (please have them change to Cleveland Native Americans). And for that matter, how does Indiana keep its name . . .please!