As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Iraq Islamists Suspend Attack While Obama Rests

The al Qaeda-linked Jihadist rebels in Iraq have formally suspended operations while President Obama takes a three-day vacation in Palm Springs.

The group, which last week took Iraq’s second-largest city, Mosul, and which had been pressing on toward Baghdad, said it didn’t want to interfere with the president’s plans.

“President Obama is tired from all the work he does, and he means well,” said Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, head of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, or ISIS. “We don’t think it’s fair to wage this war while the president is away from Washington raising money for the DNC and relaxing.”

White House officials expressed gratitude for the gesture, but said they were not surprised.

“Unlike Republicans in Congress, the Islamists in Iraq understand that President Obama wants what’s good for them and knows what’s best for them,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. “We expect nothing less than for the Islamists to wait until the president is ready to deal with them.”

Obama has asked his advisors to come up with options for combating the rebels. It’s unclear if the options will be ready before they have overrun Baghdad.

However, sources said Obama was temporarily out of touch with military commanders due to a logistical problem.

“The president this morning spilled a piña colada on his communications console,” an aide said. “Nothing seems to be working, and it’s making a funny noise.”

Technicians have been diverted from fixing the Obamacare website to immediately address the problem.

62 Responses to Iraq Islamists Suspend Attack While Obama Rests

  1. Keith, this is awesome. Who said conservatives aren’t funny? If you get a chance, pick up a copy of “Don’t Mess with Travis” by Bob Smiley. Really funny about Texas vs Obama.

  2. Well, it sounds good, but I don’t believe it.
    The word out of the underground is that they overdid the beheading thing so that driving was getting to be a real hazard with all the heads rolling into the street and all. Then, too, the rotting corpses were making the rebels sick.
    They didn’t think the killing/beheading thing through, hence the slowdown.

    Claiming the halt in the advances as consideration of MrO’s down-time is really good PR for them even if it’s not true.
    /s/

  3. “However, sources said Obama was temporarily out of touch with military commanders due to a logistical problem.”

    Man, the people on this site can have fun with that one !

  4. They HAD to slow the advance.
    The gas prices got too high.
    They have to wait for Obama to get his phone fixed so he can call someone to replenish their reserves at a decent price.
    No worries,…he has a team on it as we speak.
    All options are on the table.
    Biden has been alerted and he is taking things into his own hands.
    YOU DON’T MESS WITH JOE !
    Pelosi is gearing up for the Sunday talk shows,….honing her rhetoric to a fine edge, ready to deliver scathing remarks to whomever will listen.
    Susan Rice is crafting all new lies based on the old lies that she thinks no-one heard.
    Google is searching you tube for ANYTHING that they can use to divert the attention away from any of the current crises.

    This administration is working hard,….never let it be said that they aren’t.

      • They did not disappear Bonnie.
        Everything is backed up on multiple servers.
        The statement that they ‘disappeared’ is just another indication of their condescending attitude toward us.

        • You could be right about their attitude that we’re all stooopid, but methinks they found the ‘smoking gun’ and panicked.

          The whole scenerio of the IRS colluding with members of the Senate, with the FBI, who knows who else, just to stifle fellow Americans from their rights is almost surreal.
          This is still America with a Constitution, where the people have rights to voice their concerns, and this action started by the IRS is frightening.

        • And if this person was under oath, which I don’t believe he was, then he committed perjury which is no longer against the law as adjudged by Eric Holder, Barack and Valerie’s partner in crime.

    • Spot on.
      The people who run the MSM, must have a promise that they won’t be effected by anything once we loose our Freedom completely.

  5. Muffled by a burka, a woman (we think) reported on Taliban TV that the President’s weekend was precipitated by a request from First Lady Michelle Obama for some time together as a couple.

    “The Taliban has the greatest respect for women as long as they are not heard and not seen and is glad to see Mrs. Obama disappear behind the walls of a compound. They are hopeful that she will stay there and never appear in public again.”

    And oddly, a large part of the American public hopes the same thing.

    • How in the hell does he go away for the weekend with so many damn messes? I finally do wonder if there will be anything left to fix by the end of 2016. I have never ever imagined our great country could be brought to it’s knees by one man and one administration. They’re doing more than a little dope……….
      Also, not one man and one administration. This has to be orchestrated by something far bigger!

      • I have felt the same. However if he is being led, I doubt it is from someone here. In other words someone from U.S. would have the common sense to tell him: At least pretend sometimes that you are trying to resolve The Mess.
        They would tell him sit at your desk. Wipe your forehead with a wet rag (to appear your sweating), put files on your desk, give us a worried look. Than a picture or video would be taken.
        He simply does not try and or avoids trying.

      • Bonnie: Yes, indeed – that’s the $64,000 question! In case you’re too young to remember, that’s a reference to the “quiz show scandals” of the 1950’s.

  6. I pulled up Drudge:
    Hagel ordered an aircraft carrier moved into the Gulf on Saturday, readying it IN CASE WA to decides to pursue a military option after insurgents

  7. “White House officials expressed gratitude for the gesture, but said they were not surprise.”

    I had just knee jerked highlighted this so ready was I to believe!

    You hit the target Keith. A smidgeon below what could be real — too funny!

  8. midnight 04minutes. Happy Father’s Day!

    To you Keith and to all of you here who share the blessing of fatherhood as well. I know I gave my wonderful Dad a run for his money — and he gave as good as he got. But I miss him like crazy and he was a wonderful life force. And his door and heart was never closed.

    So, enjoy the day and your children. Wherever they are.

    Blessings to you all and to the good fathers who came before.

  9. I’m about half way through, reading aloud to husband, before we realize this is a joke. OMG can’t stop laughing now, but then that’s how far extreme we think he’s gone…