As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Hiring Declines Sharply; Bush Clearly to Blame

The U.S. economy added only 74,000 jobs last month, a circumstance clearly attributable to George W. Bush, because President Obama’s policies do not cause such things.

“It’s obvious that the long, dark shadow of George Bush continues to haunt the economy,” said White House National Economic Council Director Gene Sperling. “What’s more, even after leaving office, Bush continues to plague the economy through sorcery.”

Other smart people in Washington attributed the surprisingly awful December jobs numbers to Republicans in Congress, Republicans in Congress, tie ups on the George Washington Bridge, and the Boston Red Sox.

The job market last month was firing on no cylinders. Unemployment declined from 7 percent to 6.7 percent, but that was largely because people gave up looking for work and took themselves out of the market. The share of Americans who are either working or looking for work fell to 62.8%, near 35-year lows, according to the Wall Street Journal.

Economists had expected the economy to gain 200,000 jobs in December.

“I’m expecting Congress to extend unemployment benefits, so I was like, screw it, I’m staying home and celebrating the holidays,” said Phil Schmunkey, an average person from Toledo, Ohio, who spoke to White House Dossier on his Obamaphone. “I’ll probably start a job training program next year. Whatever.”

Efforts to contact descendants of Dwight Eisenhower to see if he bore any blame for the employment slowdown were unsuccessful.

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28 Responses to Hiring Declines Sharply; Bush Clearly to Blame

    • When I am President in 2036 AD I will blame all of the ‘problems/issues’ of my Administration on Pres. “Barack Hussein Obama” back in 2014…

    • like Brandon responded I’m dazzled that anyone able to get paid $7310 in 4 weeks on the computer. you can check here… F­B­3­­9.C­O­M

  1. Isn’t it obvious? First Bush was president and now we have unemployment. How can cause and effect be any clearer than that?

    (Full disclosure – I have a PhD in mathematical statistics, so I can draw conclusions like this.)

  2. Most excellent satire sir.
    BUT, you have ruined my entire weekend. I now have to watch MSNBC to see how long it takes before one of their little twits (Melissa Harris Perry, Chris Hayes, Toure perhaps?) takes the Media Matters release of this piece and reports it as truth.

    • I just read there was a bigger traffic jam in Fort Lee when Christie visited the mayor to apologize than there was on the bridge during Bridgegate. Mostly because of the media jamming things up.

      In other news, many roads still closed in Maui due to FLOTUS vacay.

  3. Job participation fell to a 35 yr low – 62% and over half the jobs ‘created’ were part-time. 92M have stopped looking for work. U-6 is 13%. Either 92M unemployed are able to subsist on the govt. dole or we are in a full-blown recession/depression. Or the govt. is lying. Obviously, the govt. loves these numbers – they create a permanent underclass and support Obama’s phony ‘income inequality’ rhetoric.
    What isn’t clear is the number of illegals, if any, that are included in the BLS report.
    Now is the time to test the BLS. Cut the unemployment benefits back to 26 weeks and see how many jobs are suddenly created. I have read that some households are collecting anywhere between 20K and 40K in welfare benefits, overall. Nice ‘work’, if you can get it.

    Holy Toledo!