The U.S. economy added only 74,000 jobs last month, a circumstance clearly attributable to George W. Bush, because President Obama’s policies do not cause such things.
“It’s obvious that the long, dark shadow of George Bush continues to haunt the economy,” said White House National Economic Council Director Gene Sperling. “What’s more, even after leaving office, Bush continues to plague the economy through sorcery.”
Other smart people in Washington attributed the surprisingly awful December jobs numbers to Republicans in Congress, Republicans in Congress, tie ups on the George Washington Bridge, and the Boston Red Sox.
The job market last month was firing on no cylinders. Unemployment declined from 7 percent to 6.7 percent, but that was largely because people gave up looking for work and took themselves out of the market. The share of Americans who are either working or looking for work fell to 62.8%, near 35-year lows, according to the Wall Street Journal.
Economists had expected the economy to gain 200,000 jobs in December.
“I’m expecting Congress to extend unemployment benefits, so I was like, screw it, I’m staying home and celebrating the holidays,” said Phil Schmunkey, an average person from Toledo, Ohio, who spoke to White House Dossier on his Obamaphone. “I’ll probably start a job training program next year. Whatever.”
Efforts to contact descendants of Dwight Eisenhower to see if he bore any blame for the employment slowdown were unsuccessful.