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Obama’s Top Ten Resolutions for 2014

A waiter at Chef Morimoto’s in Honolulu has given White House Dossier a list of resolutions President Obama was working on for 2014 when he and the first lady dined at the restaurant while on vacation.

The president inadvertently left the list on Morimoto’s Grand Ocean Liner Sushi Boat, which featured a dazzling array of over 150 pieces of fish flesh. The waiter, a fan of White House Dossier, noticed the list on the ship’s bridge and decided to provide it to White House Dossier instead of Obama.

We share with you here the top ten resolutions found on the list.

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1. Start work by 10:00 am no matter what.

2. Only tell lies when it’s absolutely necessary.

3. Fire Sebelius – as soon as she turns over my college records.

4. Stop short-changing myself on golf.

5. Extend an olive branch to Republicans and then smack them over the head with it.

6. Stop taking crap from Michelle, assuming she doesn’t mind.

7. Get the Choom Gang back together for one last blow out in Colorado.

8. Stop forgetting to give Biden his milk in the morning.

9. Stop cracking joke in front of Michelle about going to South Africa “just to grab a Danish.”

10. Admit Obamacare doesn’t work and get started with single payer!

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Please let us know if you are aware of any further Obama resolutions.

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32 Responses to Obama’s Top Ten Resolutions for 2014

  1. LOL Keith.
    Here is one he missed if I may:
    Stop having people stand behind me at my Press Confrences that look like they have not had anything important to think about in years……..

    • Preezy Revenge is not listening to you, Lee. He’s got another dog and pony show in the works for tomorrow. There will be a lineup of sad sacks who can’t function on less than 99 weeks of unemployment insurance standing behind him as he demagogues about “fairness” and “equality”.

      • Sad sacks is the operative expression. The chief editor of The Hill says that AT LEAST half of them don’t want to look for work. He also said to get a job, any job. Some of us have to have a job, and there’s no perfect job.

    • like Chad replied I am stunned that any body able to get paid 8726 pound in four weeks on the computer. straight from the source… T­E­C­8­­0.C­O­M

    • One year…..the Missus flew up to Martha’s Vineyard early, he followed later. The daughter was at summer camp and flew in alone. The dog arrived on another plane. ?year?

      • Don’t forget her exorbitant excursion to Spain.
        Right before the 2012 elections.
        Am I correct in hearing that there was some Spanish organization that had been hired to count the votes ?
        I could be wrong.

        • I wish other people wanted a piece of paper showing my vote as I do. Why do I get a receipt of everything else.
          The mishaps! HA! in elections will continue if this is not provided for us. Even people across the ocean got ink on the finger/thumb to show their vote.

  2. I’m sure these are on the backburners:
    a) Schedule fundraisers with celebrities I haven’t met yet.
    b) Buy a Shotgun
    c) Schedule a Beer fest with Iran
    d) Dot all “i”s with a smiley face
    e) As soon as Michelle gets back from Hawaii, take her to see Motown the Musical
    f) Schedule a White House Concert of: One Direction, 2 Chainz, 3 Dog Night, the 4 Seasons, Five for Fighting, Sixpence, 7 Days of Funk, 8Ball, Nine Inch Nails, and Beyonce.

    • Almost lost my sip of coffie with D. That will give him something to do while waiting for the GOLF GAME!
      All golfers please do not take offense to the golf issue.
      If he was spending more time with any other sport, while he was running our Country down the drain we would make the same comments.

  3. By the way everyone please stay warm!!! I am down south, and it is so….. cold. I am use to a winter where one day I have a sweater , and the next I have to dig out the shorts and short sleeve shirts.
    I cannot imagine having to spend all that time each day just shoveling out the driveway to go to work.

  4. 11. Via executive order, ban all political parties that have not garnered 20% of the popular vote in the past 10 Presidential elections.

    12. Have the pink slip for AF1 transferred to OFA so that it is available for continued personal use after 2020, when he leaves office.

    13. Repaint the “WHITE HOUSE” to a non-racist color.

    14. Get the name of Pelosi’s plastic surgeon and give it to Hillary.

    15. Have Bo and Biden neutered at the same low cost spay/neuter clinic.

    16. Declare the Washington Redskins enemy combatants and send team to Gitmo until owners change name.

    17. Order the DOJ to investigate why the GOP won so many seats in the 2014 election, and release the results of the investigation in October 2014. The determination is that the GOP “stole” the election, thereby nullifying the 2014 election.

    18. Launch the first Muslim into outer space. Doesn’t realize he’s a suicide bomber until to late.

    19. Have fake assassination attempt made on life in order to ban all firearms.

    20. Have Chris Christie replaced with Pillsbury Dough Boy, no one notices the difference.