As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Memo From Obama: The Nine Things I Didn’t Know

I, Barack Obama, President of these United States, hereby proclaim I had no knowledge of the following things that could really get me in trouble if I did know about them which, as I said, I didn’t.

If you have questions ask Jay so he can refuse to answer them.

*******

1. That the the Obamacare website would crash.

I mean, I don’t HTML from LGBT, okay?

2. Eavesdropping on the phone calls of other world leaders.

You think I care that Merkel has a crush on Berlusconi? Please.

3 . The IRS targeting of the Tea Party.

Why would I single them out? I think it’s well know that I firmly believe the IRS should target everybody.

4. The inadequate security in Benghazi.

Look, before all this, who ever heard of Benghazi, right?

5. That it wasn’t a videotape that caused the Benghazi attack.

If you sound out the Arabic, the phrase for “Let’s plan an attack” sounds exactly like “I hate dees veed yotape.” It’s easy to get confused.

6. Phone records of the Associated Press.

Can you read your phone bill? Neither can I. Enough said.

7. The Fast and Furious gun running operation.

I demand an investigation!

8. That Obamacare could cause people to lose their doctor or their health insurance.

Yeah, I just heard about that. Oh well, sorry.

How about a nice chiropractor?

9. Whose ass to kick.

No one’s angrier than I am, and when I find the right ass, I’m going to kick it.

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28 Responses to Memo From Obama: The Nine Things I Didn’t Know

  1. That is just wickedly funny!

    This administration reminded a friend of the old Godzilla movies from Japan;
    The monster, Godzilla, is wrecking havoc on Japanese cities butt they can’t find it. A four-story tall lizard with a 200ft tail is just sneaking through the streets of Tokyo and the government leaders are accusing the military of being incompetent. Waving their arms, they insist that it be found and destroyed immediately.
    The Obama Administration.

  2. More things he says he was unaware of or wasn’t told about:

    10. That the Senate wasn’t in Recess when he made appointments.
    11. That Reverend Wright said so many awful things from the podium.
    12. That Bill Ayres was in my house and helped write my first book.
    13. That drawing a red line has consequences.
    14. That Putin can’t be trusted.
    15. That Morsi wasn’t moderate.
    16. That General Petraeus was under investigation.
    17. That the Gov’t wasn’t going to pay for the travel of dead soldiers during the Shutdown.
    18. Sheryl Attkisson and James Rosen are being treated as criminals instead of journalists.
    19. And the #1 thing Obama wasn’t informed about or didn’t know…His job is to defend, preserve and protect the Laws of this Nation, Specifically the U.S. Constitution…NOT to fundamentally change the U.S. with powers not accorded to him by the Law.

    • #20 That SEAL team members don’t take kindly to being used as pawns

      #21 That the sequester that he approved would cover staffing for Moo’s Garden

      • To Julie ^^THIS^^ I know in college, we all got a little radically, questioned authority and had our passionate causes (mine was to find a husband….lol), but MO never grew out of that.

        Never in my life have I known a woman (pick a color because I was friends with all of them) who had such great opportunities and credentials from top schools and a !! law degree !! and threw it all away. Long before she had children, threw it all the way. Her bio disturbs me more than BO’s :(

  3. Keith: Great list!

    For a president, who has ears the size of two ‘Dish satellites’ – it’s amazing they take in nothing and give off even less.

  4. The United States as we know it, is fast disappearing from our very
    eyes. Obama said he was going to change the US, and he really meant
    it. I guess I am glad I am turning 83 next year, and I am sure by then
    there will be death panels. The only problem is, I am completely healthy. YIKES!

  5. WHEN IS EVERYONE GOING TO REALIZED OBAMA IS A SOCIOPATH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I REALIZED THIS ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO AND EACH DAY THAT PASSES JUST REAFIRMS IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    HE COULD GIVE A SHIT LESS ABOUT AMERICA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    HE IS NOT AN AMERICAN BOTH LEGALLY AND IN HIS HEART AND I DO NOT THINK HE HAS ONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1