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Top Ten Excuses for the Obamacare Website Crash

In private, senior White House officials are bitterly complaining about the reasons for the Obamacare website fiasco, offering up excuse after excuse for its failure. We share with you now the top ten excuses they are making for what seems to be an otherwise inexplicable catastrophe.

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10. “B Team” claimed to be the “A Team.”

9. Biden insisted on doing some of the coding himself.

8. Programmers spent too much time making out in the snack room with geek-adoring HHS staffers.

7. Complacent Obama aides figured, Hey, this is a U.S. government project. Of course it’s going to work!

6. While working, programmers sang, “The knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone, the thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, the hip bone’s connected to the back bone,” but in web design, it’s the other way around.

5. Website built by “extremists,” “suicide bombers,” “kidnappers,” and “arsonists.”

4. Programmer dropped a piece of his Ring Ding in the software, screwing up everything.

3. Should have used orangutans to perform quality control instead of chimpanzees.

2. Dog ate my website.

And the top excuse for the Obama website crash is . . .

1. You just can’t get a decent website for $394 million these days.

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38 Responses to Top Ten Excuses for the Obamacare Website Crash

    • Sibelius IS blaming the Republicans. I seem to remember, don’t you, how she bragged about everything being ready to go on October 15.

      • You’re welcome.

        In case anyone missed it and doesn’t know what AFVet’s mentioning, I’ll repost it. For those who don’t know, John J. Gilligan is Kathleen Sebelius’ dad, and a former governor of Ohio who passed away recently. I had the misfortune of being an Ohioan during his reign as well as currently, so I thought the rest of the Country (Kansas, having suffered Katy herself as Govie already knows) deserves a little background on the upbringing of such a politically powerful woman.

        John Gilligan was Governor of Ohio in the early ’70′s, and wasn’t really a “will of the people” kinda guy. His most LASTING gift to the citizens of Ohio was a state income tax that STILL holds back the state economy to this day. What’s interesting, though, was that he caused an uproar by closing state parks to force the legislature to his side. Sound familiar?

        He also created the Ohio EPA, and wasn’t THAT a gift to the citizens of Ohio!

        Here’s a really cool quote from Katy’s dad;

        “But the income tax issue continued to dog him. An offhand remark at the Ohio State Fair was one of Gilligan’s most memorable.

        When a reporter asked if the arriving Gilligan was going to shear a sheep on the fairgrounds, the governor said: “I shear taxpayers, not sheep.””
        -Former Governor John J. Gilligan

        http://news.yahoo.com/former-ohio-governor-congressman-gilligan-dies-224728704.html

        Apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it?

        I know, it’s about Sibbey, not her dad; but, it is interesting to see where she came from, what kind of political underpinnings drive her, and – as a side note – how liberals repeat themselves, viz. closing the parks?

        The more you know…

  1. “8. Programmers spent too much time making out in the snack room with geek-adoring HHS staffers.” – Keith Koffler

    Keith, I’m onboard with the “geek-adoring HHS staffers”, but if you spend even a little time around programmers, you realize that “making out” isn’t really where their head is at. Either one.

    You’d be more likely to find them locked in a room by themselves with only an, eh, “unproductive” Web site and a lubricant for company…

  2. “9. Biden insisted on doing some of the coding himself.”

    Perhaps this IS an issue. If folks have their browser filters set to block obcenity, NOTHING Biden does would EVER make it onto their screen, thus default blocking them from visiting the health care site…

    Can you imagine the instructions in Bidenese?

    1) #*@^ all that #*$&in #((# and press the button below like a $&@& to continue;

    2) Enter your !@#*ing Social Security number you @#(z.

    3) Send all your G#*@))$* money to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, because you morons do not know jack #*$& about taking care of yourselves.

    4) @%!@!

  3. There’s an old saying that epitomizes this train wreck known as Nobamacare–IF YOU WANT SOMETHING REALLY SCREWED UP, GIVE IT TO THE GOVERNMENT.

    Semper Fi

  4. 5. Website built by “extremists,” “suicide bombers,” “kidnappers,” and “arsonists.”

    And half of ’em kept leaving early. Something about Ramadana ding dong.

  5. Montgomery Burns: “Tell me why I shouldn’t fire you, without using the letter E.”

    Lenny: “I’m a good…work…man.”

    Montgomery Burns (pushes red button on desk)

    Lenny: “But I didn’t…”

    Montgomery Burns: “You will.”

    Floor opens up and Lenny falls down a chute: “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

  6. 1. If the website didn’t work, they were planning on using Karl Rove’s White Boards.
    2. The programmers thought they were supposed to work on the Welfare site, not the Healthcare site.
    3. Someone in the Cleveland office of the HHS went rouge and erased the code.
    4. They were too buying listening in on Kim Kardashian’s phone conversations with Kanye.
    5. Jon Stewart asked for more comedy of errors.
    6. Sebilius said that the website worked on her Commodore 64.
    7. Biden accidently shot the servers with his shotgun (while on a balcony).
    8. Bo peed on the mainframe. Then Obama ate him.
    9. Ctl-alt-del. Thanks for the mistake, Bill Gates!
    10. They figured, “What difference does it make if it works? Come March 31, The people have to pay if they have the product or not”

  7. To continue with the Theatre of the Absurd, the WSJ had a story on the weird security questions the federal and state exchanges ask. You need to ans three. One woman only knew two out of 30… No insurance for you, lady! Examples: Street you lived on in third grade, manager of your first job, HS mascot, significant other’s fav color, weight of your first child, color of your first bike. Are they sure this is not one of their wacky Alz tests?

  8. With the logic of passing a bill to see what’s going to be in the bill, does it surprise anyone that they decided to launch the website to see what’s in the website first?