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Top Ten Unreported Obama Vacation Activities

1. Solved crisis in Egypt. Result will become apparent within the week.

2. Cheered his personal two-pound lobster on to a disappointing seventh place finish in the 2013 annual Edgartown Lobster Races.

3. Established first Martha’s Vineyard sanctuary for homeless shrimp.

4. Renewed pact with Satan just before eagling the seventh hole at the Vineyard Golf Club.

5. Kicked down seven-year-old’s sandcastle at the beach shouting, “You didn’t build that!”

6. Saved Valerie Jarrett from shark attack by reminding shark that he lives in Massachusetts. Shark realized he had mistaken Jarrett for a Republican, showing the shark knew very little about politics.

7. Stayed on top of world events by remaining constantly touch with Jay-Z and Beyonce at their desks in the Situation Room.

8. While biking, saw a talking white rabbit with a pocket watch and followed it down hole into a curious hall with many locked doors of all sizes.

9. Defeated soft shell crab in mixed martial arts exhibition.

10. Insincerely asked Michelle three times if she’d like to go golfing too.

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Are there any others that you are aware of?

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39 Responses to Top Ten Unreported Obama Vacation Activities

  1. Number 5 had me spewing tea at the screen.

    No new ones, but with all the mention of the Obamas and seafood I thought Disney might remake Alice in Wonderland with Barack and Michelle as the Walrus and the Carpenter. No need to say which would play which.

  2. Speaking of lobster and crab shells, wasn’t Harry Belafonte supposed to perform for the visiting royalty last week? Always loved listening to his ‘Day O’ from the Shrimp Boat song, or was that a Banana Boat.
    Anyhoo, looks like his boat, whichever one it is, ever sailed into the Vineyard harbor.

  3. Number 5 I also think why would he kick down a completed shovel
    ready job I mean it was actually finished. Certainly not a confidence ‘builder’ must not have had a Union Card.

  4. 11. Had ValJar check into how long it would take to move the whole WhiteHouse to MarthasVineyard because the people are nicer than in DC, plus the golf courses are really handy.

    All I have to see is “Top Ten….” and it puts a smile on my face.
    Great 10’s.

  5. #11.
    With Ted Kennedy’s wife Victoria at his side, he took a drive over the Dike Bridge on Chappaquiddick and then reenacted for Vicky Ted’s miraculous swim across the harbor into Edgartown.

  6. ~ created strategy and vetted Obama friendly locations for this week’s I Care About The Middle Class rock star bus tour.

    ~played cards with the vacay home housekeeping staff since Michelle was too busy reading bodice ripping romance novels.

    ~checked off his wish list of sports stars and other celebrities he’d like to party with at the White House through the rest of his term.

    ~matching up official business trips with fundraisers for the 2014 election season.

    ~reminded the IRS to leave the OFA alone, or else.

    ~had a secret service agent sneak him juicy burgers, fries and giant hoagies after lunch and dinners with Michelle.

    ~made prank calls to GOP members asking them if their refrigerator was running…..

  7. “1. Solved crisis in Egypt. Result will become apparent within the week.”

    Change “Solved” to “Caused”, and you’re there…

    “2. Cheered his personal two-pound lobster on to a disappointing seventh place finish in the 2013 annual Edgartown Lobster Races.”

    Don’t belive this one. Lobsters are not an important Obama constituency, so he’s not going to even pretend to be interested…

    “3. Established first Martha’s Vineyard sanctuary for homeless shrimp.”
    In a Boston suburb, perhaps, assuming he could FIND one that liberal economic policies hadn’t ALREDY wrecked. Certainly NOT where it would bother his rich freinds. All at taxpayer expense, natch…

    “4. Renewed pact with Satan just before eagling the seventh hole at the Vineyard Golf Club.”

    Now, now, he doesn’t acknowledge a power higher than himself. He may give Satan ORDERS, but no pact. Besides, Satan wouldn’t be interested in repurchasing property he ALREADY owns, plus being a deciever himself is well aware that Obama would just lie on the pact as well…

    ‘5. Kicked down seven-year-old’s sandcastle at the beach shouting, “You didn’t build that!”’

    …And then gave the sand to a Union contractor with a fat Federal award at 15 times the price, to build half as much castle…

    “6. Saved Valerie Jarrett from shark attack by reminding shark that he lives in Massachusetts. Shark realized he had mistaken Jarrett for a Republican, showing the shark knew very little about politics.”

    Unnecessary. ValJar has bigger teeth than any shark, and would smell like the sewers she swims in anyway…

    “7. Stayed on top of world events by remaining constantly touch with Jay-Z and Beyonce at their desks in the Situation Room.”

    ON the desk in the Situation Room perhaps. Nice, though, that SOME hetrosexual activity happens at the President’s residence…

    “8. While biking, saw a talking white rabbit with a pocket watch and followed it down hole into a curious hall with many locked doors of all sizes.”

    Look for pending FDA regulations on all “DRINK ME” and “EAT ME” labels…

    “9. Defeated soft shell crab in mixed martial arts exhibition.”

    He might have had his SS goons do it for him, but Prezzy’s not physical, and even a half-boiled soft shell would beat him on points…

    “10. Insincerely asked Michelle three times if she’d like to go golfing too.”

    Like Moochie wants to be around him anyway, and if she DID, she’d TELL him she was coming, not ASK. The man’s a wimp, even IF Boehner can’t figure it out, Michelle Antonette certainly has…

    • Johnny boy is wringing his hands over his re-election.
      Keep us posted on the Speaker, and anyone that has the guts to run against him.
      I am a fellow Ohioan.
      We need to get rid of Canter too.
      The whole damn republican side of the house has gone soft !

  8. Obama has decided to “take one for the team” and join the ranks of Al Qaida. If he can only do to them what he has done to racial relations, the economy, healthcare, and confidence in government, they are doomed………………..