President Obama plans to continue his crusade for income equality from his $7.6 million vacation estate on Martha’s Vineyard, demanding action in Congress and handing out free lobster rolls on the driveway.
Obama, who has made income equality the touchstone of his second term agenda, will launch the Martha’s Vineyard chapter of his crusade at the Beautiful People Sushi Restaurant on the island.
The former community organizer will organize his sashimi around the wasabi and then speak to the press pool about opening up Japanese restaurants to the poor.
“He’ll say what everyone knows – that America is overpaying for raw fish,” said one top advisor. “He’ll announce a new executive order requiring sushi bars to charge no more than $1.50 for two pieces of salmon, mackerel, and sea eel.” Also, Mrs. Obama will discuss the perils of fatty tuna and insist restaurants no longer be permitted to charge more for it than regular tuna.
According to the aide, Obama will invite “the disadvantaged” to join him in various vacation activities.
“The president appreciates that the residents of the island are separated from the riff raff by Buzzard’s Bay and Vineyard Sound,” the aide said. “But he thinks a few low-income types should be permitted to be seen on Martha’s Vineyard during vacation season.”
Obama plans to have an unemployed factory worker serve as caddy for him during the first of five planned golf outings. “He’s going to give him a tremendous tip – like, Drink a glass of orange juice every morning,” said the aide.
Obama has also convinced Secretary of State John Kerry to pop over from Nantucket to give low-income children wind surfing lessons.
“They’ll be trained and ready to go the minute they get their first sailboard,” Kerry said in a brief interview.
As a sign of solidarity with low-income Americans, Obama plans to refuse to pay the bill at expensive restaurants on the island. Instead, he will stand up after finishing dessert, proclaim “At a certain point, you’ve made enough money,” and walk out. He’ll also refuse to pay for items at the many Martha’s Vineyard craft shops, declaring, “You didn’t build that,” and then departing with the items.
Crafts will be donated to the Democratic National Committee headquarters in Washington to decorate the offices.
White House sources say that upon returning to Washington, Obama plans to write a book about his luxury vacation, titled, “I’ll Bet My Father Never Dreamed of This,” and make plans for his excursion to Hawaii this winter.