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Hollywood to Produce Hillary Hagiography

by Keith Koffler on May 29, 2013, 9:58 am

The sophisticated Hillary 2016 machine is ramping up – courtesy of its Hollywood allies – with a full length feature movie about the beautiful young Hillary Clinton and her intrepid pursuit of the evildoer Richard Nixon.

Hillary, you may be aware, was on the staff of the House Judiciary Committee that ultimately impeached Nixon. I’ve never seen any suggestion she played more than a bit role in the affair. Wikipedia states that she “helped research procedures of impeachment and the historical grounds and standards for impeachment.”

But that won’t concern Hollywood. Among those being considered to play Clinton are several stunning actresses, including Jessica Chastain, Reese Witherspoon, and Scarlett Johansson. No doubt she’ll be portrayed discovering that one clue needed to impeach Nixon, even as shadowy figures and jealous rivals try to derail her vital work.

There are reports circulating now that she was actually fired from her job, though I can’t substantiate them. If it’s true and it makes the movie, no doubt her dismissal will have been engineered by some malignant Republican desperate to save Nixon by thwarting our noble heroine.

I’m thinking a better movie might have been made – kind of an action-buddy flick with Chelsea – about her brave bullet dodging in Bosnia as first lady.

Stay tuned for an inevitable flick about Joe Biden saving the nation from Judge Bork.

Leave a Comment

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{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }

RickW May 29, 2013 at 10:01 am

Keith, I’ll admit I had to look up “hagiography” I thought it was a documentary about a hag………Come to think of it. I like my definition better than Webster’s.

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pianogirl88 May 29, 2013 at 10:05 am

Bad, bad, bad ~ very funny, however! And I think I’ll stick with your definition, as well.

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:07 am
veritaseequitas May 29, 2013 at 11:04 am

Boo Hag maybe….
According to the legend, Boo Hags are similar to vampires. Unlike vampires, they gain sustenance from a person’s breath, as opposed to their blood, by riding their victims.
They have no skin, and thus are red. In order to be less conspicuous, they will steal a victim’s skin and use it for as long as it holds out, wearing it as one might wear clothing. They will remove and hide this skin before going riding.

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Good gravy! The things I learn at WHD.

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srdem65 May 29, 2013 at 1:39 pm

Oh boy, nightmare city. I still haven’t gotten over “Creature from the Black Lagoon” yet. brrrrr.

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anneinarkansas May 29, 2013 at 10:03 am

Did I just see these words “the beautiful young Hillary Clinton”?
Excuse me, but she has been homely from the get go!
Look us some of the pictures of her when Slick Willie was governor of Arkansas. Brown, mousey hair, no make-up, big glasses and plain as home made sin…..then look again during his campaign for president…head band, long stringy hair and black leggings to hide the piano legs…a “Make Over” was done and it lasted for years.
As Secretary of State she mostly looked tired, bedraggled, and fat.
Maybe I am too critical but I do not think so!

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RickW May 29, 2013 at 10:05 am

“Anne, please turn around and place your hands on the wall……(click..click) Is there anyone you’d like us to notify that you’ve been arrested?……No…No lawyers….”

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al May 29, 2013 at 11:03 am

LOL. You shredded her to pieces. I’ve seen her earlier pictures and definitely homely looking. What she lacks in physical looks, she makes it up in cunning, deceit and some smarts.

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sportinlife10 May 29, 2013 at 2:59 pm

“plain as home made sin”. Is there anything like Southern metaphors?

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:05 am

She will be 69 years old when she is running for President, but she is counting on the low info voters thinking that the young chick up on the big screen is really her in 2016. If it’s true that she was fired, the storyline will portray her being attacked by none other than Haldeman and Erlichman personally.

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Star May 29, 2013 at 12:32 pm

My same age–but the big difference…no headbands over here.

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Danceswithtruth May 29, 2013 at 10:11 am

Oh good. Perhaps Michael Bolton can do all the music for this “movie”, seeing how “he’d walk across the country to get Hillary elected.”

Another Hollywood flick with no substance. Yawn.

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:50 am

It might create a new genre, the Inadvertent Comedy.

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veritaseequitas May 29, 2013 at 11:08 am

Maybe Michael Bolton can play Hillary Clinton in the Hagumentary

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:17 am

Michelle Obama’s Mirror has suggestions of who else could play Clinton like “Bobby Redford . . . he was born to play an old lesbian.”

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Susan May 29, 2013 at 10:44 am

Ouch!

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:17 am

“God bless the America we are trying to create.”

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DeniseVB May 29, 2013 at 10:18 am

I’ve been enjoying reading the casting call articles for this movie. Seems like all the beautiful young actresses in Hollywood are coveting this role …. to demonstrate their “range” and it has award bait all over it!

Like the liberal version of Sarah Palin, this too will be a “fictional” account of how Hillary is perceived by Hollywood.

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:26 am

Who’s gonna’ play Howard Baker?

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:40 am

“What did the president know, and when did he know it”?

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:31 am

Who’s gonna’ play her ankles?

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:39 am

LOL. Chris Christie?

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:45 am

DING!

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veritaseequitas May 29, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Chris Cankle

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Even better.

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srdem65 May 29, 2013 at 10:33 am

It’s not fair. Just because she’s powerful and famous is no reason to chonicle her life instead of mine. I’m much more interesting that she is.

Imagine:
the opening scene of “An Interesting Life”; we watch with bated breath as the 16yr old srdem struggles to pass the driver’s test 3-point turn in a car with a “stick shift”. Success! the music cresendos as the newly minted driver drives away, blowing off the Stop sign at the exit of the testing facility. Local police see the violation and take off after the new driver.
Violins play in the background as the new driver gets a traffic ticket.

It gets even better as srdem travels through life, dodging the loan company that wants to repossess the Buick, failing to sell just one atomic bomb fallout shelter, and later in life finding the success that we all dream about.
Oscar material, for sure.

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:42 am

Stop! I’m weeping!

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RickW May 29, 2013 at 12:50 pm

Tell us Farrah Fawcett was the ticketing officer and we’ll start negotiating the contract!

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srdem65 May 29, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Now, wait a minute. Certain issues need clarifying first.
There are certain, ahem, indiscretions that should be kept on the down low, and incidents that weren’t my fault that need buried before we agree on the money aspect.
Let’s talk.

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RickW May 29, 2013 at 2:27 pm

Everything but the duck is fair game for the movie, Srdem. Reality scripts bring in the big money!

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Star May 29, 2013 at 10:37 am

I saw the true story of ARGO on LOCKED UP ABROAD–and let’s just say a lot was added.

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Robin H May 29, 2013 at 10:38 am

Could they get a thin black man to play Nixon? Then it might be a bit more realistic.

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Susan May 29, 2013 at 10:40 am

No doubt Jerry Zeifman won’t be asked to collaborate on this epic saga. He kept a diary of the Judiciary Committee goings on in 1974, and is no fan of Shrillary. In fact he fired her from the committee after Nixon proffered his resignation. Why was she fired?

“Because she was a liar,” Zeifman said in an interview last week. “She was an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee and the rules of confidentiality.”

http://www.caintv.com/watergate-era-judiciary-chief

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Julie Brueckheimer May 29, 2013 at 10:46 am

Hate to sound like an old hippy–which I never was–but Wow! What can you say after that?

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 10:54 am

Hillary got a job working on the investigation at the behest of her former law professor, Burke Marshall, who was also Sen. Ted Kennedy’s chief counsel in the Chappaquiddick affair.

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rawheadrex May 29, 2013 at 10:42 am

There is a nationwide search for a mud fence which can act!

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florida gal May 29, 2013 at 11:01 am

Who’s going to play Vince Foster?

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Don Hunt May 29, 2013 at 1:47 pm

The ghost of the Christmas past.

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 11:03 am

“You know, I’m not sitting here like some little woman standing by my man, like Tammy Wynette. I’m sitting here because I love him, and I respect him, and I honor what he’s been through and what we’ve been through together. And you know, if that’s not enough for people, then heck, don’t vote for him.”

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Mandy Manners May 29, 2013 at 11:07 am

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.”

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Girly1 May 29, 2013 at 11:21 am

Will the film gloss over the fact that the smartest woman in the world flunked the D.C. bar exam but was smart enough to turn a $1000 cattle futures trade into a profit of $100,000? (a 1000 percent return on her ‘investment’) The Obama-induced symbiotic relationship between the WH and Hollywood is a pox on this country.

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Girly1 May 29, 2013 at 11:28 am

Memo to producers: Don’t forget to include the Oscar-winning performance of “I Don’t Feel Noways Tired”. It’s a real tear jerker!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGDm4jkDbGQ

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Susan May 29, 2013 at 11:35 am

I thought she was already “sick and tired” before she was “noways tired”?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJxmpTMGhU0

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Kimbly May 29, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Love the comments! Thanks for the laughs.

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rexbob May 29, 2013 at 12:54 pm

this is what I saved on Hillary on Watergate:

http://digitaljournal.com/article/252624

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RickW May 29, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Feature length movies deserve an impressive theme song.

(With apologies to the Davy Crockett fans)

Born back in ’47 out Chicago way,
Truly corrupt place in the land of the free.
Raised in the suburbs so’s she knew every law,
Sued her a bear when she was only three.
Hillary, Hillary C , Queen of Washington DC!.

She fought single handed through the Bosnian war,
Till the Serbs was whooped and peace was restored.
And while she was handling this risky chore,
Made herself a legend, forevermore.
Hillary, Hillary C the girl who don’t know fear.

When she lost her love, and her grief was gall,
In her heart she wanted to leave it all,
And lose herself in Whitewater all,
But she answered instead, her country’s call.
Hillary, Hillary C, the choice of the DNC!

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Susan May 29, 2013 at 2:10 pm

Applause! Applause! Learned the Davy Crockett tune when I was just a little whippersnapper. One of my favorite memories…and it has been tarnished forever by your lyrics, RickW ;-)

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RickW May 29, 2013 at 2:29 pm

(donning his threadbare coonskin cap to curl up with Mickey Mouse Club videos)

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Sharon May 29, 2013 at 7:19 pm

How about Hillary in camouflage dodging bullets running through the streets of Libya. Our hero Tom Cruise of the Drone Patrol under the command of John McCain comes to her rescue.
Joe Robinette Biden starring in Return from Outer Space, or Did I Miss Something….

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yadin June 8, 2013 at 3:49 am

Hagiography! No kidding! When was she canonized?

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Godot June 14, 2013 at 12:49 pm

The makeup guys will have to add huge thighs.

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Godot June 14, 2013 at 12:49 pm

But, what does it matter, anyway, it was along time ago.

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