As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Top Ten Other Scandals Involving Obama

Wondering, where does it all stop?, White House Dossier this week dispatched a team of investigative reporters to uncover any other scandals that might have occurred under President Obama’s watch.

As you can imagine, we came up with a plethora of juicy stuff. What follows are the top ten unrevealed scandals that personally involve Obama.

We found out that Obama . . .

1. Intentionally served Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu pork chops.

2. Gave Queen Elizabeth an iPod with Hitler’s greatest speeches on it.

3. Tried to have EPA declare the Heritage Foundation a hazardous waste dump.

4. Sought to make tax free all earnings from books based on dreams given to sons by fathers.

5. Initially wanted to claim Benghazi attack inspired by Beatles’ song “Helter Skelter.”

6. Added pornographic materials to public Amazon wish lists of Associated Press reporters.

7. Sought to cover up fact that Reese Witherspoon is actually a political prisoner.

8. Demanded IRS audit all radio personalties whose first names rhyme with “brush.”

9. Took money from the Contras and gave it to Iran.

10. Billed government for “official” trips by Michelle to “investigate ski conditions in Colorado.”

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What have your investigations uncovered?

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52 Responses to Top Ten Other Scandals Involving Obama

  1. Those are probably the biggest scandals, Keith.

    There were a few other minor scandals:
    1- Turns out his mother was born in Kenya but his Father was born in Hoboken.
    2- Joe Biden’s hair and teeth are real.
    3- Obama’s highschool yearbook says he hates Al Green, and if anyone ever hears him sings an Al Green song, they should mock him.
    4- The dog, Bo, is a racist.

  2. I’m starting to feel like a trained lap dog; I see “Top Ten…..” and I start to smile. Thanks, we all could use a smile today.

    11. The three-foot tall, leafy plants in Michelle’s garden are NOT spinach.
    12. A proposal to raffle off chances to be MrObama’s caddy at the golf course was quietly squelched by MrsO who feared that the winners might be scantily dressed women would distract her husband from his game.
    13. Former SoS Clinton had to call for a world map to be delivered to the WhiteHouse so she could show MrO where Benghazi was located.
    14. The last time the Obama family attended church services, a lightning bolt hit the church’s steeple causing the odor of brimstone to waft throughout the congregation.
    15. MrsO was spotted at a local nightspot with three of her friends as they enjoyed a male dance revue.

  3. POTUS orders the closing of the National Aquarium, DC, and conversion of all tanks to breeding areas for lobsters.

    Secret Service has been secretly running a brothel out of the house they rent from Biden in order to offset the rental costs.

    It is discovered that the photo of Obama and the shotgun is in fact photo shopped, however that does not prevent POTUS from shooting himself in the foot.

    • Shofar – I had Pepsi Max coming out of my nose on 1 & 2. Luckily I didn’t bring carrots to work today.

      I would add if Lobsters are harvested at the National Aquarium, then it also means the Zoo must be closed and convered to a dairy farm for the production of butter!

  4. 1. Michelle Obama has a half sister, Omarosa.

    2. The White House has a conservative working there. He works in the mail room and they make him open up all suspicious packages.

    3. The water fountains in the conservative offices in the capital building have plan-B injected into the drinking water.

    • “3. The water fountains in the conservative offices in the capital building have plan-B injected into the drinking water.” – Andy from Beaverton

      Sigh. Would that Ann Dunham had access to such a fountain…

  5. 11. Medical personnel were called to the WH late yesterday afternoon. In an attempt to prove how flexible he was, President Obama had his head stuck up his ass and his foot stuck in his mouth.

    • “He steals towels, soap and ashtrays when he leaves hotels.” – CiscoKid

      Nah, too small potatoes. He steals entire INDUSTRIES, like heath care, and the taxpayers PAY for all the towels and ashtrays…

  6. 16. Jay Carney is actually hypnotized by Valerie daily and a WH staff member is about to come forward about it.

    17. Chrissie Matthews is holding out for more $$$ and will bad mouth the Big O until he is paid.

    18. Reggie Love is writing a memoir.

  7. 19. Bo is writing a memoir too, ghost written by Joe Biden. The legal staff of the American Kennel Club will represent him “pro bone” (God forgive me)

    20. The corporation that did the liposuction on Moo “Right Way to Liposuction” has been audited by the IRS and they are NOT happy.

  8. #11. Another leak exposing threatening e-mails from WH to Judge and Prosecutor in Nevada concerning O.J. Simpson re-trial. The old man specifically wants “the Juice” freed so as to fill out the Dream Foursome on the golf course. Himself, Tiger, Reggie Love, plus O.J. would make for some good theater. $100 a hole, taxpayer funded of course, and all the booze you can handle.

  9. One would think actual, interested-in-their-integrity, investigative reporters would offer some evidence of their findings. Otherwise, this sounds like yet another phoney-outrage generating, Anti-Obama list of talking points, to be fed to the pitbulls of the American public, to me. And based on the petty, childish comments below, it hit it’s mark. Kudos for not being above the cesspool. smdh…

  10. # Fraudulent Connecticut Based Social Security Number
    # Forged Selective Service Registration
    # Forged PDF Birth Certificate (Hosted On Federal Government Web Site)

    Oops… I just realized that these comments were supposed to be on satirized scandals, and not REAL ones… feel free to ignore the above (like everyone else in D.C.).

  11. I am so SICK of hearing the things our Muslim First Couple do and Knowing Nothing is going to be done to try and STOP any of it!
    We have a Congress that is allowing all this Garbage to happen and have no clue as to what to do to stop it and NO BALLS to make them want to!

  12. One of the best ones I heard,was that Reggie Love left because of the same reason given by BO’s youngest daughter on TV to Katie Couric: “Nobody gets in bed with Daddy because he makes too much noise and STINKS TOO BAD!!

  13. How about an Attorney General that lied under oath ( where I come from, that’s called perjury) to investigate himself.

  14. Detailed, double fact source and check on the question of ” what brand of soap did Obama use during his Chicago gay bath house days?”

  15. In the White House theater watching an old Marilyn Monroe movie and dreaming about being John Kennedy while Benghazi was burning.

  16. So is the point of your list to minimize or belittle the current scandals? That is how I read what your trying to say with your list.

    Cordially,

    Mike Regan

  17. A continuing thorn in my side is by what authority is Michelle’s mother, Mrs Robinson. getting FREE room and board in OUR house at OUR expense? Seems the “babysitter” title seems a bit far- fetched eh? What gall !

  18. Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell
    and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to
    her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely
    off topic but I had to tell someone!

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