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Michelle Idol Beyonce’s Diva Demands

by Keith Koffler on May 2, 2013, 9:49 am

First Lady Michelle Obama once told People magazine that if she could be someone else, it would be Beyonce.

No kidding. Michelle likes the nice things, whether traveling to an exclusive resort in Spain, going on safari in South Africa, or adorning herself with thousands of dollars worth of outfits and accessories.

And of course, Beyonce likes things to be just right too. According to the The Telegraph of Australia, a leaked Beyonce tour rider describes some rather extraordinary and luxurious requirements for guaranteeing the star’s comfort and happiness:

Possibly the strangest request on the leaked rider is $900 worth of drinking straws for her dressing rooms.

“The Single Ladies singer forked out $900 for titanium straws, which will be used to drink a special alkaline water that’s served at exactly 21 degrees,” an insider tells The FIX.

According to the source, the 31-year-old also insists her crew, from drivers to set riggers, wear only 100 per cent pure cotton, presumably to save her from allergic reactions.

Bey also demands plain off-white walls in her dressing rooms, with a new toilet seat at every event, and will only use red toilet paper.

There’s also the hand-carved ice-ball to suck after every performance to cool her throat, along with the banning of junk food in favour of glass platters of almonds, oatcakes and green-only crudités.

Red toilet paper? Where do you even get that?

Looks like Beyonce – who has been treated by the Obamas to a tour of the Situation Room and given the honor of pretending to sing the national anthem at the president’s second inauguration – is trying to be down with Michelle’s Let’s Move healthy eating style. Except that she is selling Pepsi.

H/T to Laura Ingraham.

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{ 39 comments }

Mandy Manners May 2, 2013 at 9:57 am

I believe that Michelle would be a special snowflake even if Beyonce had never been born.

gracepmc May 2, 2013 at 10:00 am

I wonder how much red toilet paper the taxpayers have bought for those special times when Beyonce visits the WH, which is closed to the American people.

Playrighter May 2, 2013 at 12:35 pm

The White House already likes to treat red states like toilet paper, so it should be a natural, with or without Beyonce. This may be a coded message to her fans on how to view conservatives — with a royal “flush”.

BTW: all that redaction in the FOIA report about Bey’s “singing” at the inauguration may have been done with Obama “I” shadow.

Misscheryl May 2, 2013 at 10:03 am

Seriously, what can you expect from two people who have more money than brains..or discipline..or class…or grace. These two are simply or simple charlatans and their actions prove it.

Scottso May 2, 2013 at 10:18 am
pianogirl88 May 2, 2013 at 10:33 am

That’s some pricey TP, no matter the color.

RickW May 2, 2013 at 10:36 am

No price tag can be placed on Beyonce’s butt hygiene.

pianogirl88 May 2, 2013 at 11:03 am

I stand corrected, sir!

MichelleIndependent May 2, 2013 at 1:16 pm

There are only 4 rolls left in stock. Beyonce used all the rest on her fat rump.

mikec May 2, 2013 at 10:56 am

I would like to see a list of MooMoo’s demands when she is touring. or vacationing. I thinks she has BeBe beaten by a mile in the number of assistants category.

Misscheryl May 2, 2013 at 10:59 am

Yes, and they and the secret service hired to protect this family are treated like servants.

Star May 2, 2013 at 10:44 am

exactly 21 degrees,” an insider tells The FIX.

Would this be, you know…ice? I know salt makes water freeze a little lower, but alkaline-ness?

Mandy Manners May 2, 2013 at 11:04 am

Maybe it’s Celsius.

Star May 2, 2013 at 12:16 pm

70 degrees F then–bleh.

Mandy Manners May 2, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Ugh. Just, ugh.

Star May 2, 2013 at 10:46 am

Plus–red? Does someone have a little bleeding issue?

gracepmc May 2, 2013 at 11:01 am

Do you think she got red toilet paper in Cuba?

Misscheryl May 2, 2013 at 11:02 am

do they have toilet paper in Cuba?

bonnie cox May 2, 2013 at 11:11 am

There is nothing worse than dealing with “Uppity” black women. They are the worst. Anyone in customer service anywhere will tell you that. Never piss off an “uppity” black woman.

Misscheryl May 2, 2013 at 11:23 am

I know people who are servers and they hate serving black people. No tips and they’ll run you ragged. Fact.

gracepmc May 2, 2013 at 11:34 am

back issues of pravda

Julie Brueckheimer May 2, 2013 at 11:54 am

Little hammers and sickles on each and every square. Yes.

DeniseVB May 2, 2013 at 11:15 am

Toilet paper with dyes, scents, etc are the worse for men and women because of possible allergic reactions to that, uhm, area. Makes me itch just thinking about it.

Titanium straws? Is that the latest trend in doing “lines” ?

$9000 for booze for hubby ? What a good wife :D

Otis Driftwood May 2, 2013 at 11:21 am

Wow.. Miriah Carey..J-Lo. What gives with all these Diva’s and their demands. Can you just imagine those 2 plus Beyonce and MO all in the same building at the same time. So many heads would be exploding it would be worth the back stage video. Of course MO would have a press blackout.

Still what fun it would be to see that group together.. :-)

srdem65 May 2, 2013 at 11:19 am

I’m calling “hoax”.

DeniseVB May 2, 2013 at 12:11 pm

I remember Van Halen used to put outrageous things (no brown m&m’s) in their rider to make sure the venue read them thoroughly, otherwise they’d be concerned about the safety requirements part of the contract.

The Smoking Gun has a pretty benign Beyonce rider from 2011, but she’s so much bigger now, things could change ?

Mandy Manners May 2, 2013 at 11:26 pm

If you were a wildly successful singer, what would your rider have in it? Would William Holden be there?

Mine:

Basil Hayden’s, chilled;

sugar peas, steamed and drenched in real butter;

brie with Carr’s Table Water Crackers and thinly sliced strawberries (ripened on the vine);

fresh-baked loaves from France slathered with butter and garlic, and served with thin slices of red onion;

Ethos water, served frozen in the bottles that I’ve had for between five and two years;

Coca-Cola hecho en Mexico (no me gusta that high-fructose corn syrup shit);

plain, ol’, white Scott tissue;

a jar of Barielle;

a jar of La Mer;

white, cotton socks;

and, a cashmere blanket.

Oh, and served by George Clooney.

(What? I dont’ wanna’ DEBATE him.)

Mike Lester May 2, 2013 at 11:31 am

“Red toilet paper”?
That would be a roll of rubles.
http://instantrimshot.com

Julie Brueckheimer May 2, 2013 at 11:53 am

I could see MO wanting red toilet paper. The symbolism of it all.

Sadie May 2, 2013 at 12:10 pm

Well..now it all makes sense and the reason Obama has a problem crossing the “red” line – He doesn’t want to bump into Beyonce’s butt.

Misscheryl May 2, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Yeah and listen to moochelle rant about it.

Rod May 2, 2013 at 12:13 pm

What’s the big deal? I require my wife to provide all these things for me at home. Sheesh – you people are sensitive.

Sol May 2, 2013 at 12:39 pm

I wish she’s be like whitney houston – just as whitney is right now.

cincycinco May 2, 2013 at 1:05 pm

“…and will only use red toilet paper.”

This IS puzzling, but here’s some food for thought…

There was a Navy tradition of using a red toilet for the guys with raging social diseases in the pre-Penecillin days.

Don’t know if it’s related. Just something to think about…

MichelleIndependent May 2, 2013 at 1:13 pm

trash with money

gracepmc May 2, 2013 at 1:34 pm
Bobby99 May 3, 2013 at 1:32 am

The red toilet paper must be the high fashion in Cuba.

Susan Doyle May 6, 2013 at 10:13 am

Beyonce is a great performer!!! she is a good role model too… take at look at her performances http://moment.me/n/1509631 and let the pictures decide…

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