White House Dossier has obtained a copy of the new immigration legislation being crafted by the Senate “Gang of Eight” and has found, tucked deeply within it, provisions which seems suspicious.
Proponents of the bill say it has tough measures that will reduce illegal immigration in the future and make it difficult for past lawbreakers to become citizens. But these hard-to-find provisions seem to undermine the claim.
For your perusal, the top ten suspicious immigration bill provisions:
1. For citizenship, applicants must be able to name color of George Washington’s white horse and identify who was buried in Grant’s Tomb.
2. Immigrants can bring “family members” into the United States. For purposes of this law, “Homo sapiens” considered a “family.”
3. No identification needed at border if immigrant can tell guard a funny story.
4. Unguarded areas of border will be equipped with loudspeakers making scary noises.
5. Each border guard to be accompanied by a team of white rabbits and French Poodles.
6. In lieu of English test, immigrants can prove language proficiency by successfully reciting, Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Can you pick the peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked?
7. Businesses that hire illegal immigrants will be forced to use Michelle’s school lunch menu in their cafeterias for 30 days.
8. Immigrants to be granted immediate citizenship if they promise to open good ethnic restaurant within two miles of “Gang of Eight” members’ homes and offer free delivery.
9. Preference at border will be given to immigrants not carrying narcotics.
10. Immigrants won’t be required to vote Democratic but are strongly encouraged to do so.
ALERT: Please let us know if there are any suspect provisions you are aware of.