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Exclusive! WHD Interviews Former Obama Food Taster

White House Dossier has obtained an exclusive interview with a man who was President Obama’s food taster from September 2009 until June 2012. He has a story to tell that will shock, surprise, sadden and even at times amuse you.

But unfortunately, he refused to tell us that story and told us other stuff instead.

The food taster asked to be known only as “Ken.”

But his real name is this:

Phillip R. Dorfman
1155 Oak Tree Lane
Memphis, Tennessee 38133
Tel: 526-555-3821
Fax: 526-555-4483
email: Phil59dorf@gmail.com
Social Security Number: 281-45-3376
Bank account: Bank of America, #438294
Mother’s Maiden name: Lazarus

We met with “Ken” at his one bedroom apartment in Memphis. Photos of him, Obama, and various appetizers line the walls. He moves slowly these days and often looks uncomfortable, having had half his intestines removed due to an injury suffered in the line of duty.

After some dumb perfunctory chitchat, we sat down for the interview.

*******

WHD: Thank you for agreeing to talk to us.

Ken: It’s my pleasure. Please don’t give out my real name.

WHD: We won’t.

Ken: Thanks.

WHD: When were your intestines removed?

Ken: It was in November 2011. I had tasted a lamb kebab in Kabul that was marinated in liquid Drano. You know what they say about that stuff – don’t use it to unclog drains because it ruins the pipes.

WHD: Yes.

Ken: Needless to say, I was glad to take one for the team. But I’m missing half my intestines.

WHD: What was the president’s reaction?

Ken: He said, “Sorry about your intestines.”

WHD: I see. How did you get this job?

Ken: Well, there was an ad on Craigslist for a position. It said, “see the world, meet famous people, and eat their food.” I thought it meant that famous people would be cooking for me, so I signed up.

WHD: But once you realized what the job was . . .

Ken: Once I realized, it was like, Wow, Obama eats great food. I mean it’s like constant lobster, sushi, foie gras, Porterhouse steaks – I’m thinking, This is food to die for. You know, literally.

WHD: What was the worst part of the job, other than losing half your intestines?

Ken: Well, sometimes Michelle would insist on cooking.

WHD: I see. And you would have to taste her food as well?

Ken: The Secret Service thought it would be a good idea. They fight more than you realize.

WHD: And the food was . . .

Ken: Let’s just put it this way, she’s the first lady. She’s not the White House chef.

WHD: What was the process like. How does food tasting go down?

Ken: Well, just before the president eats, you go into the kitchen, where his plate has been piled with a little extra food. And then you eat some of the food – main course, side dishes, a little of everything. And then the Secret Service escorts you into a small room and watches you for five minutes to see if you die.

WHD: And if you die?

Ken: Then they don’t give the president the food, and they give you a posthumous medal.

WHD. I see. Now, losing your intestines is not what caused you to quit, is that right?

Ken: Yes, you can do this job with half your intestines.

WHD: So what did it?

Ken: Well, it was really a lot of little things. For example, the White House was refusing to reimburse me for the Maalox and the Pepcid AC, which I thought was petty. And Obama was always cracking this little jokes, like, “Hey, I heard the King of Thailand serves a killer pad thai” and “Hey Phil – I mean Ken – you’ll edit that out right?”

WHD: Yes.

Ken: And, “Hey Ken, you’re looking a little queasy.”

WHD: And it all started to pile up.

Ken: Right. And then they started throwing in extra work, like asking me to taste Valerie Jarrett’s food.

WHD: Who’d want to poison her?

Ken: Well, some people, but not too many. She just wanted me to taste it to see if it was good or not.

WHD: And so you quit. What is your plan for the future?

Ken: I plan to open up a used carpet warehouse.

WHD. Okayyy . . . well, thanks for talking to us.

Ken: My pleasure. When will this run?

WHD: Sometime in April.

Ken: Thanks.

WHD: Thank you.

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30 Responses to Exclusive! WHD Interviews Former Obama Food Taster

  1. Yes! This is the kind of hard-hitting, investigative reporting we’ve been missing for years.

    Ken’s story is heart-warming and tragic. He deserves a medal or something, maybe that actress woman running for the US Senate could make him her cause celebre.
    We salute you, Ken.

    • YES ! Just saw that. We found the First Daughters !

      Oh man, it’s Spring Break season in the Bahamas too. How many guests are having their vacations ruined? If the girls are “clubbing”, it must be a security nightmare for other kids to get in.

      Where’s Michelle ?

      • Can we label this ritzy vacation of the Obama children as stupid, clueless, insensitve, insulting, or just plain dumb.

        It’s understandable that the Obama daughters are children of multi-millionaires and it’s probably not unusual for the children of money to go on vacations at posh resorts, but they’re also the children of the POTUS who has shut the doors to the WhiteHouse for children of modest means because he wants to hurt them.

        • Why can’t the girls go to Camp David, and bring some friends along? One would think that would be pretty exciting for a group of teens.

        • What irritates me is the WH used the Secret Service as the reason for not being able to keep the tours going — I am guessing that additional SS is required for this little vacation for their girls and their friends.

          Whoever is advising the Obamas does not have a clue about public perception. It is difficult for me to truly believe that they honestly do not care about the hypocrisy of all of this — I know they don’t care — it’s just difficult to absorb that this spoiled child is the President.

    • Over at Weasel Z. there is an article about another Obama raffle — this time for brunch with Obama. One of the commenters linked to your “interview” here. Hope “Ken” is prepared for all the attention he is going to be getting

  2. Great interview, Keith! Hope poor “Ken” received lifetime bennies for his job-related medical problems. At least he lived to tell the tale, lol!

  3. Someone needs to let The Honorable Susan Collins know that O’Barry’s food taster resigned and that is why he could not partake of her lobster delights.

  4. But did he enjoy Obama’s favorite Indonesian dish, Saksang?

    ‘Saksang is a way of cooking dog meat. The meat is sauté with grated coconut and spices. Then, it is boiled with water until dry.

    “We usually sell dog meat dishes for Rp 15,000 each,” said Firman who runs the family business. He added, “Suppliers provide us with dog carcasses.”’

    http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/04/04/food-they-crave.html

    Lots of Obama’s OTHER favorite foods from the Old Country are in that link too! He mentioned some of them in his book! Enjoy!

  5. Now that was an article you could sink your teeth into. Its rare to see this kind of reporting. Any bets on how long it will take MSNBC to report this an another example of tasteless and half-baked writing from the far right?