White House Dossier has obtained an exclusive interview with a man who was President Obama’s food taster from September 2009 until June 2012. He has a story to tell that will shock, surprise, sadden and even at times amuse you.
But unfortunately, he refused to tell us that story and told us other stuff instead.
The food taster asked to be known only as “Ken.”
But his real name is this:
Phillip R. Dorfman
1155 Oak Tree Lane
Memphis, Tennessee 38133
Social Security Number: 281-45-3376
Bank account: Bank of America, #438294
Mother’s Maiden name: Lazarus
We met with “Ken” at his one bedroom apartment in Memphis. Photos of him, Obama, and various appetizers line the walls. He moves slowly these days and often looks uncomfortable, having had half his intestines removed due to an injury suffered in the line of duty.
After some dumb perfunctory chitchat, we sat down for the interview.
WHD: Thank you for agreeing to talk to us.
Ken: It’s my pleasure. Please don’t give out my real name.
WHD: We won’t.
WHD: When were your intestines removed?
Ken: It was in November 2011. I had tasted a lamb kebab in Kabul that was marinated in liquid Drano. You know what they say about that stuff – don’t use it to unclog drains because it ruins the pipes.
Ken: Needless to say, I was glad to take one for the team. But I’m missing half my intestines.
WHD: What was the president’s reaction?
Ken: He said, “Sorry about your intestines.”
WHD: I see. How did you get this job?
Ken: Well, there was an ad on Craigslist for a position. It said, “see the world, meet famous people, and eat their food.” I thought it meant that famous people would be cooking for me, so I signed up.
WHD: But once you realized what the job was . . .
Ken: Once I realized, it was like, Wow, Obama eats great food. I mean it’s like constant lobster, sushi, foie gras, Porterhouse steaks – I’m thinking, This is food to die for. You know, literally.
WHD: What was the worst part of the job, other than losing half your intestines?
Ken: Well, sometimes Michelle would insist on cooking.
WHD: I see. And you would have to taste her food as well?
Ken: The Secret Service thought it would be a good idea. They fight more than you realize.
WHD: And the food was . . .
Ken: Let’s just put it this way, she’s the first lady. She’s not the White House chef.
WHD: What was the process like. How does food tasting go down?
Ken: Well, just before the president eats, you go into the kitchen, where his plate has been piled with a little extra food. And then you eat some of the food – main course, side dishes, a little of everything. And then the Secret Service escorts you into a small room and watches you for five minutes to see if you die.
WHD: And if you die?
Ken: Then they don’t give the president the food, and they give you a posthumous medal.
WHD. I see. Now, losing your intestines is not what caused you to quit, is that right?
Ken: Yes, you can do this job with half your intestines.
WHD: So what did it?
Ken: Well, it was really a lot of little things. For example, the White House was refusing to reimburse me for the Maalox and the Pepcid AC, which I thought was petty. And Obama was always cracking this little jokes, like, “Hey, I heard the King of Thailand serves a killer pad thai” and “Hey Phil – I mean Ken – you’ll edit that out right?”
Ken: And, “Hey Ken, you’re looking a little queasy.”
WHD: And it all started to pile up.
Ken: Right. And then they started throwing in extra work, like asking me to taste Valerie Jarrett’s food.
WHD: Who’d want to poison her?
Ken: Well, some people, but not too many. She just wanted me to taste it to see if it was good or not.
WHD: And so you quit. What is your plan for the future?
Ken: I plan to open up a used carpet warehouse.
WHD. Okayyy . . . well, thanks for talking to us.
Ken: My pleasure. When will this run?
WHD: Sometime in April.
WHD: Thank you.