President Obama will to leave for Israel Tuesday night, and he desperately wants to make a good impression in order to atone for his lousy handling of the relationship to date.
This will be a carefully scripted trip, and White House Dossier has obtained some of the exact lines written for Obama to say in order to make nice with the Israelis.
Here are the top ten:
1. Some of my best friends are Jews.
2. I’m very supportive of your Apartheid system.
3. If your ass gets in a sling, I’ve got your back.
4. To show my support, I’d like to play on your best golf course.
5. So Bibi, have you seen any good movies lately?
6. Look, we took all the land from the Indians, so why shouldn’t you have the right to steal all the land from the Palestinians?
7. Okay, give me your best chopped liver sandwich!
8. I hope you are satisfied that we eliminated the threat from Mubarak.
9. How about that Ahmadinejad. Isn’t he Meshuganah?
10. If you ever lose Israel, you’ll always have Miami Beach.
Okay gang, any that you’re aware of?