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The Eight Greatest Absurdities of Obama’s Second Term

by Keith Koffler on February 21, 2013, 4:36 pm

President Obama’s second term is only a month old, and already the absurdities are piling up. In fact, it’s making me dizzy. Hold the phone while I swallow a Dramadine.


Okay, that’s better. Oh wait a second, I took a Xanax. Oh, that’s okay, I need one of those too.

Now, on to the absurdities. All White Houses have absurdities. Some more than others. Like this one. Covering the Obama White House is like heading into Area 51 every day for flying saucer flying lessons.

1. President Obama blames Republicans for the sequester when IT WAS HIS IDEA.

OMG, I don’t even know what to say about this one. It’s like Germany blaming Poland for starting World War II. You of course have to go to the conservative press to be reminded of that Obama invented the sequester, even though the greatest living member of the MSM, Bob Woodward, reported it.

2. Obama and his campaign wail about tax shelters – like the one in the Cayman Islands – and grumble about Wall Street fat cats and their bonuses, and then the president nominates for Treasury Secretary Jack Lew, who took a $1 million bonus from Citigroup and stashed some of his money in . . . the Cayman Islands.

3. Obama wails about “at some point, you’ve made enough money” and demonizes the One Percent and says he’s all about the middle class and THEN TAKES TWO LUXURY VACATIONS IN LESS THAN TWO MONTHS.

While his wife takes a separate one.

But they can still feel our pain, even from the clubhouse or the spa.

4.  Obama’s new Secretary of State, John Kerry, says the greatest challenge to U.S. foreign policy is not emerging China or Middle East instability – it’s Congress, according to the Associated Press.

So House Republicans and their intransigence with respect to the sequester are a bigger threat than the Chinese?

Also right up there with China and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Global warming, according to Kerry.

Because global warming is developing a nuclear weapon too.

5. Obama rewarded his departing chief trade negotiator, Ron Kirk, by taking him on his Golf Heaven vacation at the Floridian golf resort, EVEN THOUGH KIRK HAS NOT NEGOTIATED A SINGLE NEW FREE TRADE AGREEMENT.

That’s like hiring someone for your McDonald’s franchise who can’t figure out how to make a hamburger.

6. The president has said he is determined to cut the deficit, and then he spent his State of the Union address PROPOSING NEW SPENDING PROGRAMS.

7. The White House point man on gun control, Joe Biden, suggested women should defend themselves in their homes with a double barrel shotgun – AND USE UP BOTH THEIR SHOTS BY FIRING AT NOTHING OFF THE SIDE OF THE PORCH.

More about this one tomorrow.

8. The White House continues to proclaim its devotion to openness and transparency while keeping the press in the dark with even greater devotion.


Okay, the Xanax is sinking in. Maybe shouldn’t have mixed it with the Dramadine and – oh, forgot to mention the scotch. But at least I can deal much, much better with the absurd.


Rod February 21, 2013 at 4:45 pm

Great post. I was thinking this whole situation is like Taming of the Shrew – Obama, as Petruchio, convincing us (the collective Katherina) that our current sun (liberty) is really the moon (government out the ying yang) and everything is upside down. Were that this were only a play, where at the end you go back to normal life…

Jojo February 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm

Isn’t that the Liberal mantra? Absurdity rules!!

drk February 21, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Why complain over O’s new spending programs? O assured us all they won’t add a dime to the debt.

Rod February 21, 2013 at 5:25 pm

The problem with living in a parallel budgeting universe is that, at some point, the fairy tale land of “free money” will brutally meets with reality. Of course, by that time Obama will be long gone, enjoying half-million dollar speaking fees and endless golf.

Radegunda February 22, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Wrong. He said they won’t add “a single dime.” Which is technically true, because they’ll add about a billion dimes.

srdem65 February 21, 2013 at 5:23 pm

A lot of us have taken to the tea trolley as we watch what seems to be a bizarre fantasy unfold where up is down, bad is good, and the players say ‘go forward’ as they retreat.
It’s easy to doubt one’s sanity or grasp of reality when the MSM bombards us with insanely twisted facts that don’t make sense.

At first, when the Dems were running the whole show, it was they who made us think we were being gas-lighted, but then the Repubs revealed that they too had no interest in honesty, integrity or the simple truth. We all asked each other ”who wanted universal healthcare run by the government?”, why are we bailing out mortgage companies and not the homeowners, and so much more that no one could explain.

Thank you for putting some of the latest absudities into print.
I’ll be heading to the tea trolley now.

Susan February 21, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Amen, srdem. Think I’ll take up visiting the tea trolley too.

Wesley Martin February 22, 2013 at 3:36 pm

Make some room at that tea trolley, please.

owen_kellogg February 21, 2013 at 5:29 pm

And it’s only February, folks.

Susan February 21, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Excellent article, Keith. On your #1 – When the press is so far gone that they ignore or don’t believe Bob Woodward, one of the bastions of Washington investigative journalism who helped take down the Nixon presidency, you know they have morphed from journalists to true believers.

George Orwell called it. Although he was off by about 29 years.
“War is peace, Freedom is slavery, and Ignorance is strength.”

srdem65 February 21, 2013 at 6:28 pm

True believers. Why?
It’s truly puzzling why so many ‘jounalists’ would bury the truth or out and out lie to protect MrObama and his disasterous policies.
They aren’t exempt from the agony of Obamacare, their gas tanks aren’t being fueled with cheap gas, and their taxes aren’t being lowered.
If they’re rooting for the ‘little guy’, the minorities, or women’s rights, then they know that the ‘little guy’ has been smashed, that minorities are in worse shape than they have been in the last 60 years, and women are no better off financially or in any field than they were years ago.

So, what’s the appeal, why would they sacrifice their jounalistic ferver for a chance interview, or an invite to the WhiteHouse.
I don’t get it.

Susan February 21, 2013 at 8:59 pm

True believers in the sense that their ideology trumps their common sense. They may be getting hit just as hard financially as the rest of us, but their belief in Obama’s collectivist utopian ideal outweighs any pain or suffering they are witnessing right now. The end justifies the means.

Aileen February 22, 2013 at 3:47 am

You have posed “THE” question many of us would like answered. I believe they are being rewarded in some way. What is it? Is there one strong, moral, ethical journalist remaining who will lead the charge for journalistic integrity and truth?

Star February 21, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Dramamine–Drama Dine is when the Obamas eat together. Good list!

Julie Brueckheimer February 21, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Germany did claim Poland started WWII. Maybe Obama is taking his history lessons from the Third Reich.

Just2old February 22, 2013 at 6:50 am

Probably; tell the big lie long enough and soon the peons will start to believe it. I bet if you went on the street and asked the simple question: Who’s idea was the sequester? Overwhelming response would be “Republicans”. That’s how obama works and it is very reminiscent of the Third Reich.

alex February 21, 2013 at 6:36 pm

keith, you sure don’t write very well for being a reporter and a veteran one at that. obama wails more than once which is one too many times for such a short piece and belies a limited vocabulary. could it be the drugs you’re taking hampering your vernacular? i would note that the president’s speech is far more eloquent which is undoubtedly why he is in charge and you are taking pills to hack through your blog.

RickW February 21, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Alex, shouldn’t “Keith” be capitalized? Along with the first word in your other sentences?

srdem65 February 21, 2013 at 7:51 pm

He’s still looking for the “Capital” button on the keyboard.

Just2old February 22, 2013 at 6:45 am

Kind of like Homer looking for the “any” key.

Otis Driftwood February 21, 2013 at 9:38 pm

And we need to remind Alex most of us know Mr. O does not write his speeches (or even reuse old speeches), he has a staff of 8 to take care of that for him.

Jeff February 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

You know why the booze and them pills are not helping you.. You have t add a ambien to the mix.. Crush it all up and add it to your drink.. You wont finish it and sleep like a baby. Though I would give someone all your money and credit cards to hold on to for safe keeping cause never know what might happen if you’re wandering in a daze..

Jay Carney likes a fresh puppy when kittens are not available..

cincycinco February 22, 2013 at 8:20 am

“…never know what might happen if you’re wandering in a daze..” – Jeff

Yeah, you might do something REALLY stupid, like vote for Obama.

Doesn’t matter that there’s no election right now, they’ll just save it for next time…

alex February 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

you sure don’t write very well for being a reporter and a veteran one at that. obama wails more than once which is one too many times for such a short piece and belies a limited vocabulary. could it be the drugs you’re taking hampering your vernacular? i would note that the president’s speech is far more eloquent which is undoubtedly why he is in charge and you are taking pills to hack through your blog.

Julie Brueckheimer February 21, 2013 at 6:40 pm

That’s all Obama has–eloquent speech. Maybe that’s enough for you.

Ratt February 21, 2013 at 7:43 pm

The president’s eloquence depends on his “targeted” vernacular.. alex has obviously been drinking the blue koolaid based on his repetitive post and lack of capitalization.

Sadie February 21, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Possibly a stutterer in lowercase. ; )

jc February 22, 2013 at 11:45 am

And really…his eloquence is only in evidence when he’s reading from his teleprompter. He has ZERO ability to think on his feet.

TimW February 22, 2013 at 12:19 pm

Obama is great at eloquent speech read off the teleprompter. Without his telepromter he sounds like an ignorant bufoon.

Otis Driftwood February 21, 2013 at 9:41 pm

Hey!.. you cut and paste your comments, just like Mr. O’s speech writers. Well done.

Island Girl February 22, 2013 at 1:57 am

What’s in The One’s pillbox tonight?

Wesley Martin February 22, 2013 at 3:46 pm

His eloquent speech loses a lot once you realize that it is mostly rhetoric and his actions do not match his words.

Car in February 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

excellent Keith.

Now I need to drink, though.

Lizzy February 21, 2013 at 7:41 pm

The questions on ‘Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader’ are harder than
anything Obama gets and I doubt he could answer them anyway. We have no
Secretary of State (still) Kerry makes the French in WW2 (excluding the Resistance) look positively courageous. Since he’s got 60 Minutes on speed dial he figures it’s good enough to satisfy we the great unwashed. Putz. He will have to look that up.
Anything left on the tea trolley?

Langley Spook February 21, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Xanax + scotch = the only way I will even ATTEMPT to listen to Dear Leader Obama…

Star February 22, 2013 at 2:11 pm

Be cautious, Spooky–we would miss you.

rulierose February 21, 2013 at 9:54 pm

you forgot the #1 more absurdity of Obama’s second term:

Chuck Hagel for Secretary of Defense

needs no further comment.

rulierose February 21, 2013 at 9:55 pm

d’oh! “the #1 absurdity”–no “more” needed.

I must be getting a contact high from Keith’s Xanax.

TimW February 22, 2013 at 12:26 pm

Nominating a drunk idiot like Chuck Hagel is not an absurdity, it’s a frigging nightmare. Obama just nominated an alcoholic moron to lead the Pentagon all for political reasons without a care in the world as to actual outcomes.

Yogi February 22, 2013 at 12:56 am

Rule #1 – Lists: 3 / 5 / 10

Eight? Really?

Just2old February 22, 2013 at 6:44 am

#1 reminds me of the great existential writers; e.g., Sartre, Camus, et. al. I think they were big drinkers as well.

cincycinco February 22, 2013 at 9:05 am

Well, if you want to philosophize about it, maybe Descartes can help you.

It could be that you just DREAMED Obama wanted the sequester;

“[E]very sensory experience I have ever thought I was having while awake I can also think of myself as sometimes having while asleep; and since I do not believe that what I seem to perceive in sleep comes from things located outside me, I did not see why I should be any more inclined to believe this of what I think I perceive while awake. (Med. 6, AT 7:77) ”

Who are you going to believe, Obama or your lying ears?

Or maybe Nietzsche can help;

“1. the higher species is lacking, i.e., those whose inexhaustible fertility and power keep up the faith in man….[and] 2. the lower species (‘herd,’ ‘mass,’ ‘society,’) unlearns modesty and blows up its needs into cosmic and metaphysical values. In this way the whole of existence is vulgarized: insofar as the mass is dominant it bullies the exceptions, so they lose their faith in themselves and become nihilists.”

THERE’s an explanatin for the way the Obama White House works!

We could continue, but I don’t want you to blow your very limited Obamacare budget on even more anxiety meds…

cincycinco February 22, 2013 at 8:07 am

The Number OneGreatest Absurdity of Obama’s second term should be that Obama HAS a second term. NOTHING could EVER be more absurd than THAT.

ImNoDhimmi February 22, 2013 at 8:23 am

True, that.

TimW February 22, 2013 at 1:04 pm

I whole hearedly agree with you. However,since Obama spent his first term buying off the young, the women, the poor, minorities, the unions, illegal immigrants and the urban professional class with hundreds of billions of dollars its actually not that absurd. Throw in a little Chicago style voting fraud and presto we have Prezzy Revenge for the next four years.
It should be absurd, but the fact is that Obama is unique in his willingness to lie and will say anything, do anything, no matter how dishonest or immoral and the press will not call him on it. THAT is absurd.

barbara February 22, 2013 at 9:18 am

“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.”
― George Orwell, 1984

Obama is master of Doublethink… which is proven in your 1st statement above:
1. President Obama blames Republicans for the sequester when IT WAS HIS IDEA.

Dr. Thomas E. Davis, Col USA (ret) February 22, 2013 at 9:49 am

Dramadine? Was your drug of choice not Dramamine?
Regardles, Obama is a nut case as is Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Janet Napolitano, Harry Reid and others.

Radegunda February 22, 2013 at 9:51 pm

“6. The president has said he is determined to cut the deficit, and then he spent his State of the Union address PROPOSING NEW SPENDING PROGRAMS.”
Reminds me of the absurdity of Madeleine [sp] Halfbright recently saying that Obama’s doing a fabulous job: “he gave a great inauguration speech and a great State of the Union speech.” That’s right: she adduced speeches as the support for her claim that he’s doing a great job. Speaking = Doing.

Mike March 6, 2013 at 10:07 am

This is the kind of stuff you get from a con man. It doesn’t matter that it is absurd. They are not trying to be logical. They are trying to steal your money!

Heather March 7, 2013 at 9:38 am

I find your humor refreshing, or at least alleviating my desire to vomit that what you are joking about is actually true!. Ugh! Thanks for not being a go along to get along with media smuck Kieth.

rosieb March 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm

so Keith – I take it you are a republican? You know darned well you have some of this stuff completely out of context.

Eye April 1, 2013 at 11:48 am

How absurd is it for Obama to not have released his budget after countless deadlines he has imposed on himself! More lies.

Ian April 5, 2013 at 9:28 am

The ninth absurdity will be a Obama rushing off on a 2014 midterm fundraising trip in the midst of a foreign crisis. Parallels will be drawn to his flight to Las Vegas in the aftermath of Benghazi, Sept 2012.

Kleo April 5, 2013 at 11:46 am

I’d like to see a revised list at the end of the year. In other words, we ain’t seen nothing yet.

TruthFinderXXX April 9, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Vote like your countries life depends on it in 2014