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Top Ten Sequester Cuts Obama Really Hates!

by Keith Koffler on February 19, 2013, 7:49 pm

President Obama is excoriating Republicans for threatening to allow the sequester – the one Obama insisted on – to kick in, claiming all sorts of intolerable spending cuts will occur and calamitous things will happen if something isn’t done to avert it.

But White House Dossier has discovered the true reason for Obama’s concern. Some of these cuts hit the White House, and they’re going to hit right where it hurts.

What follows are the top ten sequester cuts that Obama can’t stand.


1. Hot warm towels at the end of Air Force One flights ELIMINATED.

2. Bo Obama to receive Purina instead of Science Diet dog food.

3. Obamas forced to take vacations together.

4. Number of Jumbo Gulf Shrimp on Obama’s daily shrimp cocktail reduced from four to three.

5. Hot line to Moscow switched from Verizon to Vonage.

6. Obamas to pay for popcorn and candy at White House theater; fines to be levied for purchasing stuff at CVS and sneaking it in.

7. Obama to be charged corresponding DC taxi rate for motorcade trips within Washington

8. Authors who only write autobiographies to have earnings taxed at higher rate.

9. Hollywood stars must pay fee to use the Situation Room.

10. Obama to pay federal government $1 every time he puts his feet up on the furniture.


Please contribute to this important story by letting us know if there are any Obama-related cuts you have uncovered.


Kevin Foster February 19, 2013 at 8:20 pm

My sources tell me that Obama will have to pay for his golf lessons, his green fees AND use golf balls retrieved from the local pond.

owen_kellogg February 19, 2013 at 8:24 pm

11. New nickel tax every time the words ‘I’, ‘me’, or ‘my’ are used in a speech.
12. No more free food aboard Air Force One.
13. Final Four brackets for 2013 will require paying in to the pot just like everyone else.

cincycinco February 20, 2013 at 8:28 am

“13. Final Four brackets for 2013 will require paying in to the pot just like everyone else.”

Y’know, Caligula used to gamble extensively – and lose a lot – at gladatorial competitions, all the while while having OTHER people arrested for gambling. He would pay his losses (from tax money), but it was, heh, “Highly” recommended that one would gift the money back to him, if you valued your heath and that of everyone related to you…

THIS would be the way Obama would pay his debts. IF he ever actually acknowledged them, of course. It’s far more likely he’d either have his BBall “Freinds” fix the games so it falls where he says it should, or simply change his brackets after the games to match reality – and dare you to say something about it, you racist.

Either way, that one won’t fly…

Lizzy February 19, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Obama forced to use generic ‘Nicorette’ gum.
Michelle made to wear pre worn sample sale dresses…with sleeves.
Magic Garden no longer delivered Michelle to schlep to Costco.

cincycinco February 20, 2013 at 8:15 am

“Michelle made to wear pre worn sample sale dresses…with sleeves.”

Please Lizzy! We, as a nation, could NEVER afford enough material to cover Moochie’s bulging biceps AND her tumescent badonkadonk (that we’re not supposed to mention) at the same time!! THERE’D BE MORE TAXES!!!

Remember he jumps on ANY excuse to “help” (himself to) “the middle class”(‘s money)!

If we have to pick ONE to cover…I…I…I think we should leave it as it is!

Not Nabob February 19, 2013 at 9:30 pm

#14 : No golf carts, must carry own clubs. Caddies would be security risk.

Not Nabob February 19, 2013 at 9:33 pm

#15 : Loss of WHD trolls monitoring Keith Koffler blog.

Keith Koffler February 19, 2013 at 9:40 pm

I say let the sequester kick in . . .

MsSarge February 26, 2013 at 9:36 am

I say you’re spot on!!

Michael February 19, 2013 at 9:33 pm

14. State dinners are now involve Michelle’s healthy lunch school program.
15. Health care is re-branded “I Care (to tax you)”.
16. Make Tax day a national holiday – for Illegals.

Had to kill off the cable in the house and newspapers.. can’t take much more of it really.

Lizzy February 20, 2013 at 2:42 am

Exploding Head Syndrome finally get you?

William February 19, 2013 at 9:39 pm

White House food actually made with produce grown in White House garden.

louis February 19, 2013 at 9:46 pm

Reggie Love will have to give it up for free.

cincycinco February 20, 2013 at 8:19 am

HAHAHA! Someone having ANYTHING to do with the Obamas “for free”! Good one!

Michael February 19, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Air Force one goes green – gets solar panels from Solyndra.
White House get’s second job at MSNBC to help contribute to payroll taxes.
Easter Egg hunt at WH – Bring your own.
Video conferencing at Tomb of the Unknown Soldier on Memorial Day.


srdem65 February 19, 2013 at 10:11 pm

20. Having to listen to his Mother-in-Law say ” No so smart now, are you Mr Fancy Pants?”

Lizzy February 20, 2013 at 2:43 am


Susan February 19, 2013 at 10:46 pm

21. Set up an earnings system for his frivolous use of AF1. Earn 4 hours of flight time on AF1 for every 80 hours spent in the Oval Office or in meetings with members of Congress from both parties.

Star February 20, 2013 at 11:05 am

Frequent desk miles–I like it.

Brenda A. February 19, 2013 at 10:49 pm

Keith, as usual, your readers don’t disappoint.

I heard TOTUS is on the chopping block.

Julie Brueckheimer February 19, 2013 at 11:17 pm

How about $1 every time he calls someone “folks”?

ImNoDhimmi February 20, 2013 at 8:40 am

That’ll raise a bundle! How about another $1 every time he rubs, picks or pulls at his nose?

Robert Mathis February 19, 2013 at 11:38 pm

> When John Boehner and Mitch McConnell visit the White House, they have to pay the full price, just like any other tourists.
> Wednesday Night concerts to be replaced with “Karaoke Night with Janet Napolitano”.
> Raise major revenue with the “Joe Biden Gaffe Jar”.

Just2old February 20, 2013 at 6:21 am

Make that the Biden “Cuss Jar” and you’ve got a winner.

Wagu beef no longer part of the WH party menu.

Star February 20, 2013 at 11:42 am

You are cruel!

A.J. February 20, 2013 at 10:25 am

Janet Napolitano —– Karaoke ——– LMAO while attempting not to hurl!!

cincycinco February 20, 2013 at 8:08 am

Yeah, like The Obamas would EVER allow any of the pain to be applied to THEMSELVES.

Things like laws and taxes are for chumps, Republicans, and little people. Or did you forget the difference between a caliph like Obama and a dhimmi like yourself?

“The Dhimmi is the Arabic term that refers to its non-Islamic embracing population that has the ignominious dishonor of living in Islamic conquered lands. In a similar manner to the Jewish reference to a non-Jew as being a goy, so too the term dhimmi refers to non-Muslims. However unlike the Jewish term, goy, and much more important, the dhimmi is a distinctly subjugated second class non-citizen almost slave who is subjected to dictatorial deprivation of any legal and human rights since he is a non-Muslim permanent resident in a Muslim state.”

ImNoDhimmi would get this…

As for Bo especially (item #2), he’d NEVER allow Bo’s diet to change, as it would change the flavor in Obama’s Saksang stew. You know that he’s on Bo #27, don’t you? It’s like Lassie or the cars they used in The Dukes of Hazzard, there’s been more than one Bo…

ImNoDhimmi February 20, 2013 at 8:42 am

Sometimes I think there’s been more than one Barry…..

CiscoKid February 20, 2013 at 8:13 am

# 22 Will use recycled golf balls from local driving ranges.

cincycinco February 20, 2013 at 8:18 am

“# 22 Will use recycled golf balls from local driving ranges.” – CiscoKid

THIS he can do, seeing as how his official ball washer, Reggie Love, is back in town…

DeniseVB February 20, 2013 at 8:50 am

All First Family vacations will be covered by taxpayers *only* for total mileage between DC and Chicago(official home residence). Any extra miles will be paid for by the Obamas or charged as taxable income.

RickW February 20, 2013 at 10:05 am

Love it. Not just for the financial aspects of it but to see Dear Leader’s head exploding “How DARE they do this to us!”…..Priceless.

DeniseVB February 20, 2013 at 10:56 am

Actually, I love all these new “rules” and should be applied to both parties’ leaders. Remember NancyP’s bar bill for a year of private jetting back and forth to Cali ? I think it was over 200k. (I just saw Keith’s new post, that bar bill alone would have paid for several more public teachers, etc)

I’m loving this sequesterin’ :D

RickW February 20, 2013 at 12:24 pm

I agree with you, D but I’ll believe the both parties’ thing when I see it. Someone like McCain will come out whining for exemptions for the President, First Lady, Bo, the hidden family members in residence at the WH etc.

RickW February 20, 2013 at 9:04 am

POTUS has to re-imburse the Treasury for his skeet ammunition

POTUS and FLOTUS to receive coupon books for dining at Outback, Red Lobster, etc instead of gourmet restaurants

Instead of taxpayer paid trips to Hawaii, the Obama family will each be given iPods loaded with a collection of Don Ho music, DVDs of Hawaii Five O (the original series) and floral shirts so they can “feel at home”

Otis Driftwood February 20, 2013 at 12:03 pm

careful, I heard MO is a Groupon kinda gal

Car in February 20, 2013 at 9:10 am

ha haa haaaa …

Danceswithtruth February 20, 2013 at 9:28 am

11. A premium will be placed on all drapes removed for the purpose of dress patterns for Michelle.

12. Recycled speeches will incur a hefty fine.

13. There will be a fine for every utterance of “let me be clear”.

14. Due to rising energy costs and how much it takes to heat and light the WH, President and Mrs. Obama will now have to share a bedroom.

15. Play dates for President Obama will be limited to four hours per quarter. (Sorry Reggie and Jay-Z).

Car in February 20, 2013 at 9:48 am

Presidential speechwriters eliminated, since they simply recycle the same talking points over and over again.

Car in February 20, 2013 at 9:57 am

Obama family vacations limited to one per quarter.

Which is four times more a year than most families are taking during this Obama economy.

Car in February 20, 2013 at 9:59 am

Malia limited to Spring Break locations were fewer than 25 secret service officers are required to insure her safety.

MikeD February 20, 2013 at 10:25 am

WH to start charging President for half day rate every time he sleeps beyond the average wake up time for every CEO in America.

A.J. February 20, 2013 at 10:27 am

Lobster will be served with drawn MARGARINE

Dustin February 26, 2013 at 9:33 am

11. Air Force One grounded, must take the “Bus”
12. Secret Service uses water pistols for protection duty
13. Taxed $1 each time he blames the Republicans for the Sequester!

MsSarge February 26, 2013 at 9:34 am

Fat free pies served at the white house.