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Top Ten Lines from Obama’s State of the Union Speech

by Keith Koffler on February 9, 2013, 11:18 am

President Obama will give his annual State of the Union address Tuesday evening on Capitol Hill. With unemployment at 7.9 percent and the economy now CONTRACTING, one wonders what he might say.

Well, wonder no more. White House Dossier has managed to obtain a draft copy of the speech. I think you will agree Obama is going to say some surprising things.

Here are the top ten lines from the remarks.

*******

1. I beg you pardon. I never promised you a rose garden.

2. The state of our union is strong, but not, like, real strong.

3. Once people start paying more taxes, the economy should begin to pick up.

4. We are still doing much better than Cameroon!

5. Sure, I can walk on water, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about economics.

6. Like you could do better. Back seat drivers.

7. I’d like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Beyonce and Jay-Z. What’s up you guyz!?

8. Michelle wants you to know that if you’re unemployed, it at least gives you more time to make better food choices.

9. By spending more money on education, worker training and solar panels, we should be able to reduce the deficit.

10. Man, I never should have taken advice on the economy from Kobe.

{ 47 comments }

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 11:28 am

You know, number 3 is not really a joke. It’s what he thinks.

QueenOfScott February 9, 2013 at 1:48 pm

I love #1.

DeniseVB February 9, 2013 at 11:39 am

Is it too late to hire Dr. Carson to give the SOTU ? :D

Susan February 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm

May not be too farfetched an idea, Denise. Dr. Carson was on Hannity last night and he didn’t say no to branching off into politics if The Lord guided him that way. What an awesome man – a plainspoken, honest patriot.

http://www.therightscoop.com/full-interview-dr-ben-carson-on-hannity/

srdem65 February 9, 2013 at 12:00 pm

I laughed at the headline. Like we don’t know what he’s going to say.

Topics:
1. Repubs bad
2. Me good
3. Invest in future
4. More revenue
5. Grow economy
6. Repubs really bad
7. I, I, We, My, I, I, My, I, I,
8. Earth getting too hot
9. Grow the Middle Class
10. Guns bad
11. Mexicans good
12. Repubs fault

Star February 9, 2013 at 12:05 pm

…folks.

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm

: – D

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm

: – ))

srdem65 February 9, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Having just read the President’s latest happy-talk with his subjects, we are informed that if “congress” doesn’t act soon on the sequester problem, children will starve, handicapped people will fall down with no one to help them up, senior citizens will be evicted from their modest abodes into the snow, cancer-fighting research will stop and we’ll all die when firemen aren’t getting paid.
MrO is sure that America will be brought to it’s knees if spending isn’t expanded and more revenue isn’t grabbed from those who can afford to pay a little more.

With this speech of misery, I’ll add 13. Sequestration isn’t my fault.

Star February 9, 2013 at 12:36 pm

I heard his bitch NPR say good news, no default–the debt ceiling was extended. Even THEY knew there would never be a default. They should be ashamed, some of these places.

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 2:40 pm

Democrats? Ashamed? You know better than to expect THAT, Star…

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 12:51 pm

“Need more teachers”, “Need to retrain more people” . . .

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 12:54 pm

“. . . millions of jobs as ‘navigators’ of Obamacare”

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 2:51 pm

Train them for “Union” jobs, of course…

Susan February 9, 2013 at 1:12 pm

“Sequestration isn’t my fault.”

Here I thought this sequestration was the “grand bargain” between Preezy Revenge and Bawlin’ Boehner. It was the brainchild of these two political geniuses who were going to take the shears to the sheep of both parties if they couldn’t find a way to cut their out of control spending. Cuts in the military to hurt the Republicans and cuts in the welfare state to hurt the Democrats.

Well, they are already cutting the military to the bone without sequestration. Our Navy can’t even afford to gas up the USS Abraham Lincoln because of the shenanigans going on in D.C. Never fear for the poor, helpless children and elderly who can’t fend for themselves. Rest assured the hocus pocus of baseline budgeting will keep the welfare state exploding out of control, with only a miniscule cut in the percentage of growth over 10 years. The poor may have to get by with just one Obamaphone, but our benevolent government won’t let them starve or go homeless – at least until they don’t need their vote any longer.

Girly1 February 9, 2013 at 4:45 pm

Ironically, it may just be the words of left-leaning Bob Woodward in his book, The Price of Politics’, that brings the curtain down on Obama’s sequester.

It was then chief of staff, Jack Lew, who marched into Harry Reid’s office and suggested a trigger to the Budget Act – sequestration. According to Woodward,, Reid put his head down between his legs as if he was going to throw up.

Yesterday Boehner grew a spine – urging the GOP to refer to it as “obama’s sequester. Republicans replaced their avatars on twitter and Facebook with a photo of Woodward’s quote and the page number.

Hopefully, Marco Rubio has plans to expose Obama and his LIES when he gives the Republican rebuttal on Tuesday nite! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

GOP LEADERS WIELD UNLIKELY WEAPON AGAINST OBAMA: BOB WOODWARD!
http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/340236/gop-leaders-wield-unlikely-weapon-against-obama-bob-woodward-eliana-johnson

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 12:43 pm

srdem65

You forgot “George Bush’s Fault”. Otherwise, you’re correct. Although he should start blaming the economy on the snowstorm in the Northeast any minute now…

QueenOfScott February 9, 2013 at 1:50 pm

“Let me clear…” and “um, um, um, um…”! I’m a newbie in Toastmasters and, boy, would I like to be an Ah-Counter at one of his speeches.

DeniseVB February 9, 2013 at 1:57 pm

Yep, his basic campaign speech. Nothing’s his fault, the GOP are mean to me, the tea party is a terrorist organization, if you don’t agree with me the hell with you …. just another uninspirational slog of a speech :D

Otis Driftwood February 9, 2013 at 3:58 pm

he will not comment about the past administration, since it was his… but if he could he would slip a Bush in there somehow.

Star February 9, 2013 at 12:06 pm

I never promised you a rose garden or a honey ale brewery.

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 12:48 pm

“6. Like you could do better. Back seat drivers.” – Obam(Keith Koffler)a

Isn’t that exactly where he bade Republicans go?

“We don’t mind the Republicans joining us. They can come for the ride, but they gotta sit in back.” – Obama

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/10/25/obama-tells-republicans-sit/#ixzz2KQQJMaUo

Thought so. Sorry, as long as we share the same car, we’re going to tell you when you’re headed for yet another cliff…

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 12:51 pm

“…one wonders what he might say.” – Keith Koffler

Well, there’s little doubt he’ll lie, blame, and pule about how we need to get out of the way of His Greatness. The only REAL wonder is that anyone (who isn’t PAID to do so, like our Mr. Koffler) will bother listening to this fauxfest. It’s not even technically interesting anymore, he doesn’t even bother with GOOD lies…

Star February 9, 2013 at 1:30 pm

I saw one of his Dem apologizers from Congress blat on about how Americans voted for a balanced approach…cuts, “investments,” tax reform–if this gets too “balanced” we are back where we started, I know I say this a lot–but it’s word salad and the threats to old people and urchins are the croutons.

srdem65 February 9, 2013 at 1:49 pm

The way I saw the last election the people voted for “free” contraception, “free” food, “free” phones, and the right not to go to work to live.

Shofar February 9, 2013 at 1:32 pm

2. The state of our union is strong . . .
As long as you are a member of an approved union, like the AFLCIO or some other gangster organization. If your not a union member, you are screwed.

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 2:58 pm

I know a lot of Union members. They’re screwed too. By their own unions.

Ask the Hostess union members how that worked out for them. Ask any rank and file person with less senority than motivation who gets “bumped”.

Mostly, it’s the Union bosses and pols that really get anything out of Unions…

QueenOfScott February 9, 2013 at 1:47 pm

#11. Who’s up for a Skeet Shoot?

Marcus February 11, 2013 at 10:13 am

As the president of the Protect Our Endangered Skeets organization, I can tell you that we are more than angry that Obama has made it OK to shoot the defenseless Skeet. Is this the kind of gun happy person we want as POTUS? When did a Skeet ever attack a person? Name one time. Never, that’s when. We all know what has happened to the Northern Red Bottom Tree Squeak. Is that the fate we want for the Skeets? I think not. Time to start a White House petition to stop this madness.

Girly1 February 9, 2013 at 2:35 pm

I’ve been waiting for the day he runs out of scapegoats: “It’s not MY fault; blame the morons who voted for me. I never promised you a Rose Garden”!

cincycinco February 9, 2013 at 2:53 pm

“8. Michelle wants you to know that if you’re unemployed, it at least gives you more time to make better food choices.”

Look in the cart the next time you see someone using a SNAP/EBT/whatever “non-embarassing” name they have for food stamps in YOUR state, and see if THIS is happening…

Out of curiosity, if Mooch is SO concerned, why can you buy “energy drinks” and Doritos with these? Just curious.

Julie Brueckheimer February 9, 2013 at 3:00 pm

White House Dossier has set up the perfect drinking game for Tuesday night.

WNY_ROC February 9, 2013 at 4:21 pm

And TV Cheetos toss!

Also recommend WHD fans pour their favorite drinks into plastic or styrofoam cups for added insurance.

Sadie February 9, 2013 at 5:04 pm

“If you like your health care plan … you’ll be able to keep it for $20,000 “.

Nakoula Basseley Nakoula. “Never heard of him”. I only watch Beyonce videos.

WNY_ROC February 10, 2013 at 8:23 am

Sadie – love the quote!

drk February 9, 2013 at 6:20 pm

The state of the union was much worse than I realized when I took the job. It’s taking longer than expected to fix things, but we are making progress, so we must stay the course.

drk February 9, 2013 at 6:25 pm

And don’t believe what they tell you on Fox news. In fact, don’t even waste your time watching it. Maybe I’ll pass an executive order to outlaw the network. And send a drone visiting the studio.

Quintis Arrius February 9, 2013 at 8:10 pm

That pretty much sums it, Keith. I hope all this gets wrapped up by the time “VEGAS” airs. Really, no kidding.
In a week I’ll just wait for the “Virtual State of the Union” by Bill Whittle.
I won’t be tuning in to listen to Marco (I voted YEA for Kerry’s nomination as SOS to keep my committee assignments) Rubio either.

rulierose February 10, 2013 at 5:45 pm

hey, Kerry was going to get in no matter what. Susan Rice was out, and the admittedly spineless Republicans are saving what guts they have for opposing Hagel and Brennan.

but look at the bright side: Kerry is such a close personal pal of clueless dictator Bashar al Assad, I’m sure he’ll be able to fix the Syrian civil war in a jif.

Aileen February 11, 2013 at 9:35 am

*Like* the last sentence because it is truth.

Terry February 9, 2013 at 8:35 pm

I don’t know if I can watch… Living the dream is nightmare enough.

srdem65 February 9, 2013 at 11:24 pm

After reading Politico, NYT and the WashPost all of whom seem to know something about the SOTU speech, it seems that we here at WHD can not only predict what the President will say, but write it for him.

Jobs, middle class, infrastructure, and global warming are going to be featured topics. All we need is a reference to his former speeches and we can then cut&paste a “new” SOTU for our Dear Leader.
He most likely will add some pointed demands that Congress approve a new gun control mandate because some of the Congress-critters will be bringing victims and survivors of random violence in a kind of show&tell demonstration.
What we won’t see are the victims of planned violence and murder; empty chairs with photos of unborn children taped to them.

Jeff1000 February 10, 2013 at 11:52 am

11. If you like your doctor, you can’t keep your doctor. I lied.

Susan February 10, 2013 at 4:33 pm

Osama bin Laden is dead and al Qaeda is on the run.

As far as Osama, Chris Rock already told you “folks” I was your boss, so I don’t have to prove to you he’s dead. Respect my authority! Al Qaeda is not exactly on the run, more like a creep into the US through the porous Southern borders. I don’t want to hear any squawking from you border dwellers. I know this glorious change won’t come easy to all the “folks”, especially you skeeters clinging to your bibles and your guns, but get over it – I WON.

I’m also “investing” the money of hard-working American taxpayers to gift 200 Abrams tanks and 20 F-16 fighter jets to al Qaeda’s brothers-in-arms, the Muslim Brotherhood. These “folks” promised me they wouldn’t harm a hair on the heads of the Jews, or give any of the weapons of war to those nasty ol’ al Qaeda people. Cross their little jihadi hearts.

rulierose February 10, 2013 at 5:49 pm

-”I’d also like to give a shout-out to Chief Justice Roberts. way to bend to pressure, JR!”

-”Of course illegal immigrants will not be able to get free coverage under Obamacare! I’ve made them all legal. Duh. Now, where’s Joe Wilson–he owes me an apology.”

Barkley pontree February 10, 2013 at 11:32 pm

Education? Why? What college educated type jobs would you spend money on? Tech? That is all done overseas. Building? Government won’t have $$ to rebuild the infrastructure. Medicine? Sure, if you dream of being a union wage government worker.

If I were 18 or had a kid, I would use all that college money to buy a chick filet or subway franchise or become a certified mechanic for high end cars and not waste a dollar on all those useless required courses. I thought it was a joke in the 70′s, but you should see now some of the required bs at public universities

Barkleypontree.blogspot.com

Misscheryl February 11, 2013 at 11:10 am

#11 – Let me be clear – I’m getting humbler and humbler every day.