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Top Ten Secret Obama Requirements for Path to Citizenship

by Keith Koffler on January 31, 2013, 1:05 pm

Not to stir up trouble, but White House Dossier has uncovered a private White House list of President Obama’s requirements for granting illegal immigrants a “path to citizenship.” Apparently, it’s not a stringent as some people think, and some of it appears either silly or designed to mint new Democratic voters.

With the realization that this could create an uproar and shatter the emerging bipartisan “consensus” on immigration reform, White House Dossier presents Obama’s secret top ten requirements for a path to citizenship.

1. Must be able to lip sync the national anthem.

2. Must know difference between a Big Mac and a Quarter Pounder.

3. Must attest that you have read the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and “Dreams from my Father.”

4. Must be willing to support a Constitutional amendment allowing third term for a president.

5. Must present proof of being disliked by the French.

6. You don’t have to learn English, but you must promise never to oprima numero dos para español.

7. Must have children who play soccer but refuse to watch it on TV.

8. Must attest that you support asylum for Aunt Zeituni.

9. Must agree to stop putting Tabasco sauce in everything.

10. Must be willing to vote Democratic, even after you have died.

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{ 27 comments }

ImNoDhimmi January 31, 2013 at 1:07 pm

Love those Top 10 lists!

Julie Brueckheimer January 31, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Much, much superior to Letterman.

Julie Brueckheimer January 31, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Or should I have said, mucho, mucho?

Keith Koffler February 1, 2013 at 10:18 am

Thanks!

William January 31, 2013 at 1:14 pm

11. Must agree to raise the level of political discourse above the level of the evil, violent, stupid, coniving, malevolent, dastardly, uneducated, moronic, racist, sexist, want-to-kill-grandparents-and-children reTHUGlicans.

Susan January 31, 2013 at 2:05 pm

Can you add knuckle-dragger? That’s the term Leader of the House, Bawling Boehner, used in reference to opponents of Bush’s TARP program.

William January 31, 2013 at 2:40 pm

I can add any term you want.

Susan January 31, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Thanks, William. Just didn’t want to exclude the RINOs. They despise us almost as much as the Democrats.

RickW January 31, 2013 at 1:15 pm

12) Must be willing to say you have been skeet shooting in your former country and plan to resume it here in the US if you are granted citizenship.

RickW January 31, 2013 at 1:17 pm

2B) and be willing to renounce consumption of either item in accordance with the “LETS MOVE!” initiative.

Shofar January 31, 2013 at 1:31 pm

11. Must agree to never allow their children to run up to a car stopped at a light and clean the windshield for money.

12, Must agree to keep cock fighting a secret, and not get caught by the SPCA.

13. Must disavow the Catholic Church’s stand regarding Obamacare and birth control.

14. Must be willing to have at least five (5) children, and promise to raise them Democrats.

15. All persons over the age of 18 will be required to join the Obama civilian, internal security department for at least two years.

16. If living in California, must swear to never vote for an actor again.

17. Promise and swear to send Michelle a low cal recipe for flan that can be used on the Let’s Move web site, and will not disclose under penalty of deportation that that you sent it to her.

Julie Brueckheimer January 31, 2013 at 3:05 pm

Re 15: We already have Obamacare so maybe this should be called Obamacorps. O-ba-ma-corpse.

gracepmc January 31, 2013 at 1:35 pm

Via the non profit organizing to act foundation must contribute annually to the obama family perpetual vacation fund.

cincycinco January 31, 2013 at 2:50 pm

“…must contribute annually to the obama family perpetual vacation fund.” – gracepmc

We all do that anyway. It’s called taxes.

cincycinco January 31, 2013 at 2:51 pm

OK, only 48% of us do, but you get my drift…

srdem65 January 31, 2013 at 1:53 pm

I don’t think too many illegal aliens actually want to go to all the trouble to be American citizens, they just don’t want to be arrested and deported.

lc southern January 31, 2013 at 2:11 pm

Too funny!

cincycinco January 31, 2013 at 2:56 pm

11. Don’t be White. We don’t really welcome that here anymore. You know what your ancestors did, shame on you!

Oh, and keep that Christian or Jewish thing to yourself, if you know what’s good for you. Otherwise, get out of the way if a Muslim wants in…

Lizzy January 31, 2013 at 3:47 pm

101. Must never watch FoxNews or any ‘news’ other than those approved of
by the Reich Obama Media Center. Note don’t try and cheat we’re watching
you.. Really.

AZ Granny January 31, 2013 at 3:48 pm

Must vow to celebrate Cinco de Quatro instead of Cinco de Mayo.

ImNoDhimmi January 31, 2013 at 5:23 pm

Good one!

gia graves January 31, 2013 at 4:04 pm

This administration has no intention of enforcing any conditions. Most importantly,
Obama/Holder/Napolitano are geared up to have every illegal registered to vote by the
next election. Without a strict requirement to show proof of citizenship to register to
vote, illegals will control all future elections. Republicans get dumber every day – which
isn’t easy to do!

Guillermo Grande January 31, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Bueno … esto podría ser difícil. Algunos de ellos son bueno no estoy contento con numero diez.

Anonna January 31, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Must be willing to say that you’ve been in the U.S for twenty years even if you are only 10 years old.

DSBanana January 31, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Leave Tabasco out of it. That is a Louisiana hot sauce, and the ONLY hot sauce in my opinion. I am a WASP, 3rd gen Texan, and die-hard Tabasco user. Love your blog!

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