As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Obama’s Top Ten Alternative Ways to Tax Rich People

Republicans are threatening to actually not cave in to President Obama’s demand that they increase income tax rates for the high income earners.

Recognizing the peril of heading over the Fiscal Cliff, the White House has drawn up a secret list of taxes it will agree to that subtly target the wealthy and that would be acceptable to the president. These items, White House officials believe, could form the basis of a deal.

What follows are, culled form a more extensive list, the top ten secret White House ideas for raising revenues from the rich.

They include new taxes on . . .

1. Spanish lessons taken to improve communication with the housekeeper.

2. Purchases of Cavalier King Charles Spaniels.

3. Anyone who has stayed at a hotel where Michelle Obama has vacationed.

4. Anyone who plays golf regularly without taxpayers picking up the tab for chauffeured transportation via motorcade to and from the golf course.

5. Anyone who voted for Jon Huntsman.

6. Purchases of folk music by people who are not folks.

7. Anyone named Sheldon Adelson.

8. Anyone who says “yes” in a restaurant when asked if they’d prefer bottled instead of tap.

9. Any meal that includes a palate cleanser.

10. Anyone who runs a profitable small business and uses a government-paved road to get to it each day.

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Are there any other such tax proposals that you are aware of?

22 Responses to Obama’s Top Ten Alternative Ways to Tax Rich People

  1. As a tax-paying homeowner, I’m already paying for a library that no one uses anymore, a school system that no one in my family attends, to help finance an airport I can’t afford to use, keep roads I don’t travel on in good repair for those who do, and to support some artsy-smartsy projects that allow the artistically challenged to smear paint on a board, so I’m up for giving my taxdollars for anything that might make other people happy.

    xx A special tax on single seniors for owning a home with more than one bedroom and one bath to subsidize the rent due on a Section 8 apartment occupied by undocumented workers (illegal aliens).

  2. WHEN! I Win the Powerball/MegaMillions!!!
    I will buy a house in Spain. I Buy a $200+K home in Spain I will have “Spanish Citizenship”, so I can sadly watch the “USA” go to H#ll from 2013 on under the ‘Dear Leader': Barack Hussein Obama.

  3. New Taxes for

    11. Anyone who has worked for Bain Capital, or mentioned Bain Capital since 1993.
    12. Anyone who signed up for the official Obama Campaign e-mails but never donated (according their records). That means you, Keith.
    13. Socialites who receive more than 10 thousand emails with the subject line: “Stay away from my man”
    14. Anyone who used to be on Saturday Night Live with a name that rhymes with “Han Shove its” or “Menace Thriller”
    15. Anyone who hasn’t seen a George Clooney movie in the theaters since 2012.
    16. Farmers who actually, farm.
    17. People who are married white women or married to white women.
    18. Buses not made in Canada
    19. Anyone who dares to get healthcare under the Afford Care Act
    20. People who use wax floss

  4. 11) anyone who goes to church, chapel or synagogue on a regular basis with a special waiver for those who attend mosque’s.
    12) anyone making regular and timely mortgage payments on their primary dwelling
    13) anyone purchasing food with cash instead of ebt or snap cards

  5. 11. Anyone who threw Cheetos at their TV set during any of the Presidential debates
    12. Anyone who thinks of the Carter years as the “good old days”
    13. Anyone who shoots an anti-Muslim video that nobody ever saw that caused a spontaneous uprising in Benghazi resulting in the death of US citizens
    14. Anyone who is a Mass. resident that owns a yacht and still docks their boat in Mass. instead of Rhode Island so as not to avoid paying higher taxes
    15. Anyone who thinks marble-mouth Wasserman Schultz make sense

    (I am apologizing in advance if someone thinks my #15 is mean – but I swear she has marbles in her mouth)

    • Hey! I’ll cop to the Cheetos thing, but no way am I alone in this activity. I considered it my patriotic duty to express my feelings about idiotic remarks made during the debates in a non-violent manner..
      Supermarkets couldn’t keep the cheesy delights on the shelves and there was report of an altercation in Costco’s parking lot over someone hoarding cases of the stuff.

      • I’m there with you on the Cheetos caper, srdem. Of course Congress has to make that tax retroactive. Maybe Big Sis will run ads at WalMart checkouts instructing comrades how to turn in their neighbors if they don’t pay up. After all, everyone is going to have to pay their fair share…even us Cheetos tossers.

  6. “10. Anyone who runs a profitable small business and uses a government-paved road to get to it each day.”

    Ya, you didn’t build that but you did PAY for it!

  7. Well he did appoint a new czar –

    New Federal Golf Rules

    President B.H.O. Has recently appointed a Golf Czar.
    Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective November 1, 2012.
    This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2716 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.

    Here are a few of the changes:
    Golfers with handicaps:

    – Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.

    – Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.

    – Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
    The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

    – Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.

    – Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.

    – Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

    These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

    In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.
    Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.
    Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .

    The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
    This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.

    These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.

    Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.
    This is the “Right thing to do.”

    So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par,you didn’t shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.

  8. 11. A keystroke tax on anyone who writes a column, blog, or other new media article, or responds to any column, blog, or other new media entry.

    To ensure compliance, all computers will be outfitted with a keystroke counter effective January 21, 2013. Failure to purchase the keystroke counter will cause a fine to be levied against the violator that is equal to $100 per pound of body weight of the violator. This type of fine is being established to encourage people to get out from behind the keyboard and do some exercise.

    12. FOIA requests will be limited to one per year for conservative organizations. All FOIA requests past the initial one will cost the requester a fee equal to 69% of the requester’s annual gross income, plus a 20% of the annual gross income for processing.