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Obama to Clean Up Yard of Undecided Voter

by Keith Koffler on October 30, 2012, 6:50 pm

President Obama Wednesday will personally clean up the yard of an undecided voter in Northern Virginia whose home was caught in the path of Hurricane Sandy, the White House announced this afternoon.

Prescott E. Quivocal, who says he has had so much trouble making up his mind that he might not do so until after Election Day, told White House Dossier that he was nevertheless thankful for the help and it could speed his decision making process.

“The yard is really a mess, and the kids are home from school, and they want to go out and play,” Quivocal commented. “Actually, it would be better if Obama could come by today. Do you think there’s any way he could do that?”

Virginia is a key presidential swing state.

Obama Geithner Obama, already in his gardening outfit, shows Geithner the layout of the Quivocal property lot.

Asked for a response to Obama’s offer to help Quivocal, a spokesman for Gov. Mitt Romney said that Romney’s son Tagg would be immediately available for yard work, but that Romney himself couldn’t get there until Thursday.

“Gov. Romney Wednesday will doing the shopping for an undecided voter in Pennsylvania whose power went out and whose milk spoiled,” the spokesman said. “It is our hope that if, as we fully expect, President Obama gets an “incomplete” for cleaning up the yard, that Gov. Romney will be able to stop by Thursday and finish the job.”

The Romney campaign also charged that the administration is illegally mixing politics with official business because Secretary of Treasury Timothy Geithner will also be on hand at the Quivocal residence Wednesday to repair the broken gutters.

A Treasury official denied there was any conflict of interest.

“These are part of Secretary Geithner’s duties in his role as adviser to the president,” the official said. “Secretary Geithner believes that when Americans work together, America works best. He wants to help Mr. Quivocal and his family recover from a disaster not of their making. It’s an outrage to suggest that the Secretary has a political agenda in mind.”

While professing to be thankful for the offers of help, Quivocal seemed a bit skeptical about the candidates’ motives.

“I just wonder,” he said. “You know, after the election, are these guys going to be around to help me with my spring cleaning? It’s like, I don’t mean to be cynical, but the attic is a mess.”

Asked why he was having so much trouble making up his mind when Obama and Romney are so different, Quivocal responded, “I’m not sure.”

Obama Thursday will fly to Florida to help remove pythons from The Everglades.


veritaseequitas October 30, 2012 at 7:03 pm

OMG, how sickening is this?

RT October 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Keith – I like how you manage to walk the line and still integrate a story or observation that provokes communication.


Martha Trowbridge October 30, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Actually, a pathetic attempt to compete with Gov. Romney + son, chainsaw in hand, quietly, unassumedly, helping a disaster victim in 2008 – OFF CAMERA. [A home movie surfaced recently.]

A.J. October 30, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Now I need the duct tape to stop from busting a gut laughing. It would be even funnier if not for the fact Romney might actually take time to help some one just out of kindness!

A.J. October 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I’m counting on Romney to clean up the mess left by Hurricane Obama (and Company).

RT October 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Let me help you out with that AJ. Glad that you are “counting” on Romney. If you are the practical lot I suspect you to be, read up on Hedge Funds… Thank me later for the tip, or not…lol…

KmB October 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm

There’s a bit of work that needs to be done to a building that suffered a bit of a fire in a small town several thousand miles east of Washington as well, however no amount of new walls and paint will fix that mess, Just some truth and transparency.

srdem65 October 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm

OK, you had me until the second paragraph and the homeowner’s name.
How pathetic is that I could believe that MrO would do a photo op in some guy’s front yard?

It’s proof that I need a break from politics and human misery.
Thanks for the laugh.

A.J. October 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm

You don’t need the break srdem65, Obama does. A 4 year VaKay sounds just right!

A.J. October 30, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I understand Geithner also offered to come back in Early April and prepare Mr Quivocal’s tax return (providing Mr Obama is reelected of course. Can you say “Quid Pro Quo? October 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Nice writing man!

Sadie October 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Prescott E. Quivocal – BRILLIANT SATIRE!

Sadie October 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Can we call Tim Geithner …Cal Q. Later. ; )

Techie October 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Dear Mr “Next President”,
The country now has some real ‘shovel ready’ jobs waiting.
Go fund the start up work, then get resources in place to support all the victims with collections from the insurance companies.

Mr. T. October 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Just saw Doug Schoen and Pat Caddell on “Hannity” – both claim Romney needs to get back out there ASAP and “make his case” to be president or he’s going to lose. Didn’t catch the whole segment, but they made it sound like somehow Romney’s screwing things up this week.

God, I can’t wait for all this to be over with.

CiscoKid October 31, 2012 at 8:50 am

” an undecided voter in Pennsylvania ”
I read undecided voter over and over on different websites, and just can’t believe at this late stage such a voter could still exist.
Liberty or death ( figuratively ), seems pretty easy to me.

Danceswithtruth October 31, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Oh how I love satire in the afternoon!

Reginald W November 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Given his past performance, he’ll show up late and then not do anything.