White House Dossier recently kidnapped Sen. John Kerry’s Bijon Frise and held it for ransom.
This morning, Kerry, the debate practice partner for President Obama, agreed in exchange for the dog to provide White House Dossier with the secret ten-point plan for Obama to perform better in the second debate with Gov. Mitt Romney than he did in the first.
White House Dossier still didn’t return the pooch.
Finally, after Kerry agreed never again to himself run for president – a decision supported by many Democrats – the dog was returned unharmed to the senator.
We give you now the top ten Obama strategies for succeeding in next Tuesday’s debate.
1. Cut the number of pre-debate doobies in half.
2. Eat a full stack of Michelle’s special “fired up and ready to go” pancakes slathered in “hope and change” syrup before the debate.
3. Take two of these:
4. Replace Romney’s pre-debate Hershey bar with chocolate Ex-Lax.
5. Shout “Miss it!” when Romney is starting to speak.
6. Answer at least four questions in Haiku.
7. Stop using the teleprompter during debate rehearsels.
8. After every Romney answer, say, “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life!”
9. If stumped, ask for the moderator to spell the question.
10. Have Chinese food delivered during Romney’s closing statement.