It’s a mystery to some, given Vice President Biden’s propensity for stunning mistakes, why President Obama is keeping him on the ticket.
But White House Dossier, after sending bottles of Johnnie Walker Black to every member of the White House staff, has obtained the exclusive list of reasons why Obama is sticking with Biden.
What follows are the top ten of those reasons.
1. Biden remarks to Obama every morning how handsome he looks today.
2. He tells Obama everything he does is a “gutsy move.”
3. Biden promised to have a red light implanted on his forehead that turns on every time he is about to say something stupid.
4. Obama hopes Biden will help with voters who don’t speak English.
5. Biden has a copy of Obama’s college transcripts.
6. Biden threatened to strip down to his underwear and commit hari-kari in front of the Air and Space Museum.
7. The only 3 am phone call Obama gets is Biden sobbing to keep his job.
8. Biden promised to eat fish three times a week to improve brain function.
9. He promised to campaign mostly in Guam.
10. Michelle really likes Biden’s comb over.
Are there any that you have happened to hear?