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Top Ten Reasons Obama Kept Biden on the Ticket

by Keith Koffler on August 21, 2012, 4:36 pm

It’s a mystery to some, given Vice President Biden’s propensity for stunning mistakes, why President Obama is keeping him on the ticket.

But White House Dossier, after sending bottles of Johnnie Walker Black to every member of the White House staff, has obtained the exclusive list of reasons why Obama is sticking with Biden.

What follows are the top ten of those reasons.

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1. Biden remarks to Obama every morning how handsome he looks today.

2. He tells Obama everything he does is a “gutsy move.”

3. Biden promised to have a red light implanted on his forehead that turns on every time he is about to say something stupid.

4. Obama hopes Biden will help with voters who don’t speak English.

5. Biden has a copy of Obama’s college transcripts.

6. Biden threatened to strip down to his underwear and commit hari-kari in front of the Air and Space Museum.

7. The only 3 am phone call Obama gets is Biden sobbing to keep his job.

8. Biden promised to eat fish three times a week to improve brain function.

9. He promised to campaign mostly in Guam.

10. Michelle really likes Biden’s comb over.

*********

Are there any that you have happened to hear?

{ 55 comments }

Cooper August 21, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Biden likes to remind everyone that Obama has a “really big stick.”

The Antithesis of Cowardice: Brovadic Brovado August 21, 2012 at 9:34 pm

What are we here, playground companions in the sand? I say no, and respectfully disagree with the fundamental premise of your statement.

Stephen C. August 21, 2012 at 10:49 pm

You’re just plain silly. “Inflammatory comment deleted.”

Cooper August 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm

To bad you don’t like it, go pound sand for all I care. Biden said it and in doing so is deservedly ridiculed for the pompous, braying ass that he is. He’s nothing more than a useful idiot for his socialist boss and the leftist agenda, sorry for you if you can’t figure it all out for yourself. Or are you a socialist dem wanna-be too? Maybe you bought into all that hopey, changey crap and it’s just soooo hard to let it go. Lie after lie after lie, what’s it going to take for you people to wake up and see these scum for what they are? Have a great day, Brovadic.

pianogirl88 August 22, 2012 at 7:51 am

BRAVO!!!

rawheadrex August 21, 2012 at 4:46 pm

‘Tis strange,-but true; for truth is always strange;

Stranger than fiction: if it could be told,

How much would novels gain by the exchange!

How differently the world would men behold

Lod Byron-”Don Juan” 1823

Paul August 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I like the one about the college transcripts :)

Langley Spook August 21, 2012 at 4:56 pm

LOL = Obama’s “college transcripts” (the story the “media” forgot to report in 2008-present)
…I’d like to see Biden’s “transcripts” from University of Delaware (I attended that university for a few years…)

Keith Koffler August 21, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Didn’t he make up all kinds of stuff about courses he took there, etc.?

Shofar August 22, 2012 at 8:03 am

But we have to remember that in ’88 he told a reporter that he had a much higher IQ than the reporter (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1j0FS0Z6ho).

I particularly like it when JarJarJo says that if you can speak you’re a liability to the Democrats. My how times have changed in 24 years.

Mark Holbrook August 21, 2012 at 4:59 pm

11. Biden has learned all the musical steps necessary to be a good capuchin money while collecting campaign money in his cup.

Playrighter August 21, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Biden (Joe Bidet in the book “Lost in Zombieland”) can get away with saying things Obama wants to say but can’t in public: Plausible Deniability. Although, based on his own actions, Biden might also claim that with his own gaffes.

gracepmc August 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Fresh from his woodshed lunches with Obama, today Biden called the Republicans “squealing pigs”. Because he can.

srdem65 August 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

They told VPBiden that the ‘real’ convention will be in Tampa next week, so he’s made plans to attend that one.

VPBiden makes MrO look smart by comparison.

VPBiden insures that no one in Congress would dare impeach MrO.

MrO laughs while he watches videos of VPBiden at night instead of Jay Leno

pianogirl88 August 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Yes, JOBS Biden is Obama’s insurance policy against a lot of things!

shari October 28, 2012 at 9:36 am

So funny, yet so true….

Mr. T. August 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I hear Crazy Uncle Joe will be in Tampa next week during the GOP convention, going against the traditional practice of the opposition laying low for a few days. Of course the MSM thinks it’s great!

Imagine if Dick Cheney did that to the Dems…the MSM would be having a major meltdown.

Lizzy August 22, 2012 at 8:20 am

The Obama bunch get away with anything since the only jobs they’ve
created are the drooling and tingling meda still carrying their water.
Yes if Cheney had done it they’d be having seizures but I think it shows
desperation and they are so thin skinned and needy pathetic.

Sadie August 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Isn’t Joe the designated “fourth” for Beer Summits?

Daniel Greenfield has a terrific article on The Scarecrow of 1600, “if I only had a brain Biden”.(link below).

The Scarecrow of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Link: http://sultanknish.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-scarecrow-of-1600-pennsylvania.html

p.s. Keith – Hilarious list. I can’t add a thing to perfection. ; )

65andcounting August 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Johnnie Walker Black? Wow, I’m donating too much to your blog! :-)

Keith Koffler August 21, 2012 at 10:59 pm

It’s a business expense. I wrote off all 245 bottles!

DeniseVB August 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Hillary said “no” .

Sadie August 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

For a moment I forgot the topic and thought, Monica didn’t. ; )

srdem65 August 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

*snap

Just2old August 21, 2012 at 9:49 pm

He has better looking legs in shorts than Hillary!

Sadie August 22, 2012 at 1:44 am

Hillary has legs?

Girly1 August 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm

11. He babysits the kids when MO goes on her Target runs….

Sadie, I think you just struck the ‘mother lode’! Eureka!!

While reading this jaw-dropping analysis, I remember reading something a few years ago about the Junior Senator Obama referring to his colleagues as ‘old geezers’ – musing how he was going to ‘roll over’ all of them and take the Presidency. I remember laughing at the absurdity of it all -, “Good luck, you cocky little twit”, I thought to myself.

Mr. Greenfield is dead on – Obama is using the ‘old geezer’, Biden, to mock us while he busies himself with becoming the First Post-America President! He is not only dangerous – he is diabolical. This is chilling!

Sadie August 22, 2012 at 1:41 am

Girly, glad you took the time to read Greenfield. I have several goto places daily, here of course, because Keith and all the voices here are so damn clever,astute, witty and just as p.o,’d as I am.

As for diabolical and evil and extra chilling, the link below at American Thinker is a jaw-dropper.
•Will Obama Keep Power ‘by Any Means Necessary’?

Lizzy August 22, 2012 at 8:21 am

Sadie he would do anything to stay in power hence the need for an honest media.

Mike Lester August 21, 2012 at 7:12 pm

This is too easy:

11. They both believe in gay marriage and one day, against all odds, they’ll both be able to share the love that dare not speak it’s name.

cincycinco August 24, 2012 at 8:16 am

Nah. Biden’s his wing man when Rahm can’t make it to the bath house, but they don’t want to complicate their own relationship with sex. Besides, can you imagine O committing to anyone but himself? Other than that sham thing with his beard, Michelle, anyway…

jerry August 21, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Unl.ike that indian who works at the 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts, Biden always tells his boss how clean he looks every morning

Gringo August 21, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Having Biden as the VP makes Presidential assassination a non-issue. It CAN get worse than Obozo !!!!!

Chuck Thomas August 21, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Joey is the one guy in the administration that prevents Obumbo from being the dumbest guy in the room.

Chas August 21, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Barry needs someone around to pick up Bo’s droppings. Perfect job for Old Joe.

Stephen C. August 21, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Reason #13 : Moochelle and Obozo are videotaping their Court Jester Joe and will be submitting the tapes to America’s Funniest Home Videos for a chance @ the $100,000 Grand Prize money.

cincycinco August 22, 2012 at 8:32 am

Silly person, 100k wouldn’t even pay for Obama’s Chicago chef!

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/obamas-bring-their-chicago-chef-to-the-white-house/

Besides, what does Shelly need with money when she has yours? And they could splice a pretty hilarious tape of her husban saying things that could keep any audience in stitches, like;

“The private sector’s doing fine” (Badump-bump!)
“Shovel ready wasn’t as shovel ready as we thought” (Zing!)
“It’s not a tax”(Whoop!)
“I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman” (BOOM!)
“Tell Vladimir I will have more flexibilty after the election” (TWEET!)
“I’m a uniter” (Whizz!)
“If I don’t have this done in three years, then there’s going to be a one-term proposition” (HAHAHAHAHA!)
Yep, the hilarity just keeps on coming! But the best by far is this:
“I deserve a second term” (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

“THANK YOU FOLKS! I’M HERE TILL JANUARY 20TH! ENJOY THE VEAL! AND DON”T WORRY ABOUT TIPPING YOUR GOVERNMENT SERVANTS, WE’LL HIRE MORE IRS AGENTS TO MAKE SURE YOU DO! I’M BARRY – EH, BARAK, VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN!”

Doesn’t he kill on stage! Even the dead can’t resist him! My own father was a lifelong Republican until he died, now he’s votes Democrat!

PennyBeach August 22, 2012 at 6:30 am

Number 5 That’s it.

cincycinco August 22, 2012 at 8:02 am

11. Nothing energizes the Secret Service to maximum protection mode like the phrase “President Joseph Robinette Biden”!

cincycinco August 22, 2012 at 8:08 am

“9. He promised to campaign mostly in Guam.”

Aren’t they worried he may disturb the delecate balance of the island and it will capsize? Or is that what they’re hoping for? Congressman Johnson is a good Democrat, so they’ve been warned…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/01/hank-johnson-thinks-guam_n_521541.html

Lizzy August 22, 2012 at 8:23 am

I can see them on the cover like a Harlequin novel:)

Jim W. August 22, 2012 at 8:44 am

11. Biden executes the various Axelrod strategies of race-baiting and low brow personal attacks to get the message out to their base constituencies while allowing Obama to remain above the fray (i.e., I don’t think Romney killed the man’s wife while at Bain, I don’t think anyone accused Romney of being a felon…) despite repeating all of the same accusations.

NCSU68Grad August 22, 2012 at 9:35 am

A friend of mine added this one.

Hillary will NOT take orders from Valerie Jarret!

Probably the best and also the truest.

Girly1 August 22, 2012 at 11:15 am

Agree, NCSU68! And Bill certainly would not play second fiddle to MOOshelle. Barry and Lavaughn become invisible when Hillary and Bill are in the room. Can hardly wait to see Bubba steal Obama’s thunder at the convention!

Jim August 22, 2012 at 11:27 am

biden is one of the few people in DC dumber than obama

SaveUsGod August 22, 2012 at 12:09 pm

You missed the most important one. Biden is Obama’s best secret service member. Who would possibly hurt Obama knowing we would be left with Joe as our president?

GotFreedom August 22, 2012 at 12:22 pm

1. Biden remarks to Obama every morning how handsome he looks today.

. . . and don’t forget about how “clean” BHO is too
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2007-01-31-biden-2008_x.htm

jr August 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm

1. Biden is the only person dumber than Obama.

2. Biden’s stupid remarks make Obama look smart.

3. Obama does not know that Biden makes stupid remarks.

4. Obama hopes Biden will confuse voters who speak English so they will not recognize Obama’s lies.

5. Biden paid for Obama’s forged birth certificate.

6. Biden brings honesty to Obama’s lies.

7. Biden keeps reminding Obama that “It’s 3 am – do you know what time it is?”

8. Biden replaced Monica and eats Obama’s dog.

9. Biden was actually born in Hawaii.

10.Biden is the only one who does not realize Obama and Mooch hate America.

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Steve Knight August 22, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Top reason Biden is on the ticket: It’s the best life insurance policy the President can get.

Dave Elmer August 23, 2012 at 11:57 am

Who else can go out and call republicans ‘slavers’ without the media even picking up on it? His gaffs are strategically planted and come with a (duh) layer of insulation from the president.

Story August 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

Biden reassures Obama daily that he is still “Clean and articulate for a black guy” even as he wallows in the mud of the campaign season.

Dau Tieng 59 August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

Biden’s Secret Service code name is “Assassination Insurance” that’s number 1.

C R Klip August 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Here’s the inside scoop on the rumor Hilary becoming the VP candidate and Joe stepping down. Obama promised Joe he would appoint Biden to a new cabinet position of VI (Village Idiot). Joe’s only question was Which village?

clarence swinney August 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Almost every item helping middle class was originated by Democrats.
Google:clarence swinney + 82 Democrats for list
From 1945-1980 Democrats built a great Middle Class
Affordable education via GI Bill—Affordable Housing via local owned S&L–
Affordable Health care by shared cost with employer

1980-2009—Enrich the rich Republicans
20 years in power by 3 presidents
Reagan started with 60% tax cut for rich
The Three did this:
Destroyed S&L—Fairness Doctrine-Revenue Sharing—increased 600B budget to 3500B(less wjc itsy)–increased 1000B Debt to 10,000B—Took surplus to 1400B Deficit—Took Carter record job creation of 218,000 per month to 99,000—Initiated our involvement in 10 foreign conflicts where hundreds of thousands lost their innocent lives—smashed our Housing Industry—Transferred wealth to top 10% who now own 73% net wealth—83% financial wealth—get 50% individual income—70,000,000 hard workers get 14%

A vote for a Republican in Washington is a Vote to destroy the middle class
clarence swinney political historian

Dan Stone September 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

Has anyone ever suggested… life insurance? Who would ever do the amateur wrong if, at the last moment, he or she thought they were taking Joe to POTUS?