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Top Ten Things Government Can Do for Small Business Owners

by Keith Koffler on July 30, 2012, 9:12 am

I own a small business – the one you are reading – and have worked in many others over the course of my career. So I was, you can imagine, a little surprised to hear from President Obama about the major role government plays in making small businesses successful. Especially when I had understood from small business owners – thank you for correcting me, Mr. President – that government was mainly something that got in their way.

But maybe the president is correct! Maybe, just maybe, government does play a substantial role in the success of small businesses.

Since small business owners can now be presumed to be building their companies hand in hand with the government, well, I think there’s even more government can do. Because I think that’s what most small business owners want: A greater role for government in their businesses.

Because government cares.

But maybe it’s slacking a bit.

So I offer up the top ten additional things the government can do to help the owners out.

*******

1. Add hours to the day, preferably in the evening so small business owner can try out this “sleep” thing.

2. Provide a full time assistant to help small business owner comply with government regulations.

3. Get in touch with deadbeat clients to make them pay up.

4. Pay lenders and suppliers so that owner himself doesn’t become a deadbeat client.

5. Fire an employee so owner doesn’t have to suffer the guilt.

6. Make it right with unhappy customers.

7. Fix the thing that broke.

8. Invent a pill to improve business performance by making owner “smarter than everyone else.”

9. Work on Sunday instead of the small business owner.

10. Tell children that dad – or mom – will be able to play with them soon.

*******

Might you have any other suggestions?

{ 13 comments }

JimK July 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

Can I send them the bug reports from my clients as well?

Brenda A. July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

This is a bit of a tangent; but I am watching all of those Olympic athletes and I’m wondering who is going to tell them that they didn’t train, sacrifice and EARN that medal.

Does this only hold true for American athletes or have we gone global on this?

Lizzy July 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

Easy preezey well it’s still those roads that allowed you to get to training
After that the training you did for years sacrificing your youth was just
you adhering to ‘Let’s’s Move’ and you have Michelle Obama to thank:)
After all Olympic winners will be ‘ encouraged’ to give up their medals so
they can be spread around so everybody wins or to make MO another
$7000 top out of them:)

Keith Koffler July 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Good points ladies! She actually said over there that “winning is good.” I was like, does this portend a new Obama campaign strategy of supporting capitalism??

Elaine July 30, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Keith, did she say what country she thought winning was good for? Unless she specified the USA, I would assume she meant any country other than the “I was never proud of the US until my husband was elected” one.

Susan July 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

In the words of the great Ronald Reagan…”The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

I’ve always been a worker bee and never a boss, so can’t even imagine all the day to day responsibilities you have to face, Keith. Reagan’s words are appropriate whether you are the person managing the family budget or a small business owner. In my opinion, Reagan is telling us not to fall for their pie in the sky promises. Sure, they have tasty little morsels they wave in front of us to peak our interest, but once we take a bite we’re hooked on their ‘help’. Once they control our livelihood, they control our lives.

Lizzy July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

Boy do I miss President Reagan would you love to see him debate the
current Bozo.

mo1 July 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

Tell the person you cannot hire, or whose salary you cannnot increase, that it’s all right because the taxes you are paying instead of hiring/increasing wages are helping lots of other small businesses.

Heling them do what, you ask? Have the governemnt answer that question.

Scottso July 30, 2012 at 11:45 am

Keith, You are ignorant. The Government has already provided this. Please get your facts straight. Government laws, regulations and processes have been created to allow all small business successful. See below!

1. Add hours to the day, preferably in the evening so small business owner can try out this “sleep” thing.
In the Fall usually around Halloween, the government provides (except in Arizona and parts of Indiana) 1 extra hour. You are welcome!

2. Provide a full time assistant to help small business owner comply with government regulations.
Feel free to call the IRS or your County Clerk. You are welcome!

3. Get in touch with deadbeat clients to make them pay up.
Speak to the deadbeat clients about them getting on food stamps or welfare or a Government stimulus package. There’s probably another stimulus coming to an industrial park near you. You are welcome!

4. Pay lenders and suppliers so that owner himself doesn’t become a deadbeat client.
Get yourself on welfare or foodstamp. If you are a Democrat bundler or union rep please call Valerie Jarrett or David Axelrod. You are Welcome!

5. Fire an employee so owner doesn’t have to suffer the guilt.
The private sector is doing fine. No need to fire anyone. However if you do fire them there’s no guilt. They can collect unemployment for the next 99 weeks and then some. You are welcome!

6. Make it right with unhappy customers.
President Obama will come and sing to all your unhappy customers…as long as they are Democrat bundlers or union reps. You are welcome!

7. Fix the thing that broke.
The union fellas will get on that. One will hold the ladder, one will analyze, one hold the flashlight and one will give the ok to the plumber/contractor/electrician you hire. You are welcome!

8. Invent a pill to improve business performance by making owner “smarter than everyone else.”
Coming soon…We are working on getting drugs legalized. You can already move to California. You are welcome!

9. Work on Sunday instead of the small business owner.
We took away Blue laws many years ago. You are welcome!

10. Tell children that dad – or mom – will be able to play with them soon.
If you are a dad who is working, we allow the child to have another dad to play with them. Every child can have multiple sets of parents (2 dads, 2 moms…2 dads, 2 dads) or any combination thereof. Multiple parents means some can work while others can play. Win-Win-Win. Thanks to the Government. You are Welcome!

Keith Koffler July 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Scottso, that’s hilarious. I take it all back . . .

Anna July 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

So that wasn’t really my friend that took the risk to fly the bargain two-seater crop duster from CA to ND, including over the Rockies, to start his new business?

Lizzy July 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

OT but it’s topical. As I don’t get out I order everything online I mean everything. I have ordered from a small company that’s a family owed business since 1929 and it’s as efficient or better than Amazon. My orders are
shipped quickly and emails tell me when to expect them. Not 15 minutes after
my order is delivered an email arrives saying a little birdie said my order has arrived. When one of the 5 family members had a baby they sent all regular
customers a jar of blue candy:). And there are others just like them! Thats
the American way!

Robert May November 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm

When I subscribed, I thought this would be a useful, conservative web site. Your humor is a little funny but not useful. I plan to unsubscribe.