As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

Thank You, Road

I’ve decided not to work today.

It’s a bit of a perilous decision, because this is a job where if you don’t work, you really can’t survive very long. Readers have lots of other options. It’s basically a job where I eat what I kill, every day.

But I feel comfortable not working today because I know I have help:

The road outside my window.

The road, which was built by Obama – or someone like him – brings me all the stuff I need to do my job. Because I’m not really responsible for my business. The road is.

So I’m going to spend today with my feet up on the table – until my wife makes me take them off – and stare out the window, watching the road do its work.

And then, after lunch, I’m going to go over to the sink, and run the faucet.

Because I want to remind myself I don’t send the water to my house. Other people do this. These people, combining their efforts within a public utility, get me the water I use to bathe myself and make my coffee. And I know full well that without soap and caffeine, I would never have been able to build this blog.

And then I’m going to go over to the computer and surf for awhile on the Internet, which was invented for me by DARPA and Al Gore. The Internet brings my readers to me.

Why should I bust my back for 12 hours today when I have all this beneficence working for me?

Actually, I’ve decided to spend several days doing nothing, letting all these gifts from the government work their magic.

And then, after a week of this, I’m going to head to the unemployment office and sign up to start getting more gifts from the government.

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50 Responses to Thank You, Road

  1. Well I decided to flush the toilet several times an hour because I can and when my water bill comes I will forward to Obama because I didn’t have any
    responsibility for the use of something I was given. After all it didn’t come with
    instructions:)

  2. Keith,it’s good of you to point out all the things you don’t do for yourself. In solidarity with you I was going to not comment on your post but then the meter reader happened by so I had him come in and type this for me. Gosh, I guess someone else really DOES do everything for me!

  3. How soon will it be before TOTUS comes out of retirement?

    I believe it when Obama said that people told him that he was smart but I don’t believe it that people told him how hard he worked. Turns out not too many even think he’s smart any more.

    This needs to me answered with parody…the dumber the better.

    I’ve done my part:
    Obama: “You Didn’t Build That”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjOzSOK3yRI

    • GJ, I have it on good authority that TOTUS was seen being wheeled into a DC Unemployment Office to file his initial claim. Perhaps its job will be recreated after Labor Day?

    • That is a great video Granny Jan. Thank you for getting that phrase out there and in his own voice too. Many people didn’t hear that part of the speech because the MSM suppressed it. When you actually show uninvolved people the clip of what he said, they can’t believe the President of the United States would talk like that.

      • Thanks! I think it could be a turning point but will his gaffe which wasn’t a gaffe make it to the msm? Unfortunately, probably not.

        No other president could get away with his crimes and obvious socialism.
        If the economic numbers continue going down he’s curtains. The media won’t be able to give cover.

        I have to have hope in Romney. I have to have hope in an aspiring vp choice like Ryan. We can not lose!

  4. So sorry, but if you are self-employed you aren’t egligable for un-employment benefits if you decide to quit working (unless you claimed yourself as an employee of your own corporation and paid into the DES coffers of your state).
    Your best bet is to declare your backyard a “farm”, threaten to plant corn and wheat, then ask your Congresscritter to put you on the program that pays farmers NOT to grow something.
    You could claim a painful, untreatable physical condition to get on SS Disabliity or fall down in your local Walmart and hope for a settlement.

    Or, best of all, run for public office, win and you’ll never have to work again.

  5. The chilling thing about this video is this guy believes his SH*T. He is lying, lying. “WE created alot of millionaires.” WTF?
    This is the kind of talk we used to engage in high school and college. We called it “freebasing”. Now it just sounds like a lot of loose disjointed noise.
    HE IS STILL SMOKING DOPE> Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

  6. While Obama was busy admiring the road, Romney was on the road reminding the American people that the only job Obama is interested in saving is his own.

  7. Keith, you’ll have a day just like Obama! How many photos do we have of him staring admiringly out the window to the road! Now we know he’s waiting for the road to do his work for him!

  8. Thanks Keith, I was on the same pahe with you today. It is 100 here in Illinois, just saw pictures of the corn crop. Very compelling.
    But, I think I beat you, because I watched the mailman deliver my junk mail, (saw a fedex and UPS truck go by, but the gov’t built those companies by their postal incompetence, so they should thank the gov’t.) Then I watered the lawn with my gov’t water, and those hoses they made and the sprinkler they built. Then I watered the flowers they planted for me with the seeds they created, and finally I turned on the TV they built with the electricity they give me (for a mere $140 per month ) to hear Romney EVISCERATE Obama. Keep it up, Mittens.

  9. Come on Keith, snap out it it. You have more work ethic in your pinky finger than Obama has in his whole skinny body. You know you would drive yourself stir crazy if you spent as much time navel gazing as this guy does.

    Seems President Kardashian really jumped the shark with that off prompter remark. The preezy showed himself for who and what he really is to all of America. As a result, there are a whole lot of business owners and their employees who are moving over to Romney’s side. The impassioned speech he gave in Pennsylvania sure sealed the deal for me. Rush said it best today, this election will be between Romney’s Bain Capital and Obama’s Das Kapital.

  10. Too funny, Keith! You are the antidote to Obama Derangement Syndrome! If he were alive today, I’m sure John Keats would be inspired to pen an Ode to the Road!

    Speaking of roads, I wonder who built the road in Obama’s documentary – “The Road We Traveled”. Isn’t that the same road that took the Obama bus over the fiscal cliff??? Must have been Bush who built that road.

    At the very least, Obama should fall upon his knees every morning and pay homage to our Creator for the water upon which he walks every day.

  11. Methinks The O Team is caught between Barack and a Hard Place.
    He gets maximal derision for being unable to articulate while off TOTUS. Then when he has his “I’ll show you” moment and goes off TOTUS he steps all over his wee wee and says stuff that he is being maximally derided for (and rightfully so).
    Now, when his handlers realize that he is killing his campaign by being off TOTUS and they put him back on TOTUS, he will still be maximally derided for being totally unable to function without his drug of choice…TOTUS. Sounds like a Win-Win situation for us.

  12. Forgive me for posting alot on this particular piece but time and circumstances compell me to share these thoughts: This speech by the Won completely drops all pretense he not a socialist.
    Obama thinks that the road is the key to what made America great. Robert Frost begs to differ:
    The Road Not Taken
    TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
    And sorry I could not travel both
    And be one traveler, long I stood
    And looked down one as far as I could
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;

    Then took the other, as just as fair,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
    Though as for that the passing there
    Had worn them really about the same,

    And both that morning equally lay
    In leaves no step had trodden black.
    Oh, I kept the first for another day!
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
    I doubted if I should ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference.

  13. How funny that I was reading this in a ‘Budweiser, Real Men of Genius’ voice. ;)

    You do the best satire, Keith, and it always has more than a nugget of truth to it! I still start giggling when I think of George W. hiding under a couch in the Blue Room (or wherever that was!).

  14. I really wish that whoever built my business would have been there today. It was a long day of work. I still haven’t eaten anything since this morning for breakfast. I could have used his/her help.

  15. Let’s see…Obama has so many people who deserve the credit for his position as POTUS; He didn’t make it on his own, according to his charge against other “successful people”. Start your own list: Alinsly comes to mind,; the Chicago gang (e.g. Valerie Jerrett etc); The various schools from which he was absent most of the time (per his own book) the Chicago gang (Resko et al who bankrolled his rise) the people of Illinois who elected him to vote “present” so often. Oh well, we can agree the his meteoric rise to success was paved for him…..and his efforts were minimal. Without TOTUS, he is without support. But he claims he works day and night for America!! And he does use other people’s ” money, so perhpas he has creds for being a loser as he describes. The scenerio is pretty much like the road Keith is watchng.

    • That is why Obama believes what he said so fervently. HE didn’t make it on his own. It was who he knew and how he was eyed by the Chicago political machine as someone who could serve their needs. If ever there was someone who owed his success to other people, it his him.

      And since he thinks so highly of himself, if that’s what it took for HIM to be successful, that’s what it must have taken for everyone else.

  16. Dear Mr.Obama. The lazy people use the same roads the hard workers do. The stupid use the same internet as the smart. We deal with that one on every comment area.

    Do you know who paid for the roads and internet? The successful.
    Do you know who the people are getting help in life? The lazy and stupid.

    You see Mr.Obama, the successful foot the bill in this country. The un-successful live a higher quality of life due to this. It was the successful who built the roads, not the government. It was the hard working tax payers that funded the military that developed the internet so that lazy people can sit at home playing video games.

    You got it all ass backwards Mr.Obama. The only people who should be saying “you didn’t build that” is the american people, toward you, in regards to the long over due border fence. The only people who should be saying “you didn’t build that” is the american people, toward you, about the job market.
    A balanced federal budget. You didn’t build that Mr.Obama
    Unemployment under 8%. You didn’t build that Mr.Obama
    Shovel ready jobs. You didn’t build that Mr.Obama
    A transparent government. You didn’t build that Mr.Obama
    An era of bi-partisanship. You didn’t build that Mr.Obama

    You said you would.
    I guess you’re waiting on other people to do it for you, huh. Waiting on a road? No internet service at the white house?

    • But in his (little) mind, those who aren’t contributing to society (he would never say that of course), lack success simply because they didn’t receive enough “help.” They didn’t win the lottery of life, being born into the right family. They didn’t have that great teacher, or mentor.

      It’s not their fault.

      • It’s like the age old question. What came first the chicken or the egg, however it should be what came first, the road or the tax. We all know the answer but it’s obvious he doesn’t.