As of now, I am in control here, in the White House

A Guide to Winning the Goriest Campaign in 184 Years

When I look at the campaign, I wonder, really, whether there has ever been an event quite like it in presidential politics before.

The Obama campaign is offering up a narrative that has so little connection to reality, but seems to be working so well, that I am pondering if it is possible for Romney to wage anything resembling a normal campaign at all.

Obama and his operatives smear Romney, accuse Republicans of racist intent, claim that George W. Bush is responsible for the current economy, declare Romney unqualified to be president – when Obama himself had not a single qualification to be president – I simply cannot believe the things I’m hearing and seeing.

I’ve come the conclusion that there is no way to avoid an unmitigated mud fight. This is going to have to be the most vicious campaign since 1828, when Andrew Jackson’s wife was accused of committing adultery with him and John Quincy Adams was said to have pimped out a servant girl to the Russian Czar.

Recognizing reality, I offer my advice to each of the campaigns on how to conduct themselves, or rather, misconduct themselves.

You think this is tongue in cheek? It might be, but I’m not so sure.

My Advice to The Obama Campaign:

What? Me, give you advice? You are utterly brilliant!

You have absolutely no material to work with, and yet here you are making a contest of it, conjuring up a campaign out of nothing!

There’s no record to run on: The economy is in the dumps, unemployment is above eight percent, and the deficit a hurtling up toward the nearest neighboring solar system.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is in a frightening state of semi-chaos! Iran is getting The Bomb, Israel and the Arabs hate each other as much as ever, Egypt is headed into the clutches of the Mullahs, Dear Little Jerk is running a nuclear arms factory in North Korea, and so on.

What a mess! Obama’s only serious achievement, Obamacare, is hated by the masses, so you can’t even run on that!

And look what you did.

You’ve created a SCANDAL out of Mitt Romney’s sterling success story at Bain Capital – TURNED THE WHOLE SLICE OF APPLE PIE INTO A FESTERING FUNGUS!!

You are brilliant – let me say it again.

Now, my advice is – I mean, you already know this, but – my advice is to make Romney release his tax returns – WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE DONE A YEAR AGO – then pick over the carcasses like vultures and spit out a series of scandals, milking each for a few days to a week. This should get you through the summer.

THEN . . .

Oh, this is so fun . . .

Spend the fall taking all his successes as governor of Massachusetts and TURNING THEM INTO SCANDALS TOO, describing how anyone who might not have benefited from whatever he did was oppressed by EVIL RICH PEOPLE who fed themselves with porcine abandon at the Governor Romney trough.

Because when all you have is lemons, you have to make CITRIC ACID.

My Advice to The Romney Campaign:

After figuring out who needs to be fired, change YOUR ENTIRE POSTURE.

Get Romney off his quarter horse and get him down in the mud.

Laugh off every charge. Cast a few sprinkles of water on the fire, AND THEN ATTACK.

Face it, Romney, you can’t do the principles thing. You’re not a true believing conservative. You’re  a guy who wants to be president and who thinks he has some skills to make the economy better.

And conservatives: STOP WAITING FOR ROMNEY TO BECOME RONALD REAGAN! IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.

So Romney people, take the current theme you’ve started to develop – that Obama is dishonest – and hold onto it like a pit bull. Say he’s lying about your record. Re-brand the Sainted Visionary of 2008 as a corrupt Chicago machine politician who lies about his opponents.

Oh, he’s already done so much of the work for you, it won’t take hardly any effort at all!

Dig up Tony Rezko, and make him a household word. Talk EVERY DAY about the Daley Machine that produced Obama. Why, one of the Daleys even served as Obama’s chief of staff. Get it?

Insinuate terrible things. Create guilt by association. That’s what’s happening to you . . .

Then, once everyone has it drilled into their heads that Obama is just another politician, and a particularly Machiavellian one at that, start linking the challenges he has with integrity to his conduct of the presidency:

He promised to cut the deficit in half: He lied.

He promised to reduce unemployment to six percent: He lied.

He promised to create a new era of bipartisanship: He lied.

He promised to create peace in the Middle East: He lied.

Don’t say he failed; say he lied. You’re in a knife fight. You need to bring a knife.

********

Let me be clear: I wouldn’t take my own advice. I can’t possibly do these things.

It’s not that I’m a Saint. I just don’t have the guts for it.

But these are the paths to victory this year. Obama will have to stay his gruesome course. And Romney will have to get with the program, or spend the rest of his life whining about how unfair it all was.

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54 Responses to A Guide to Winning the Goriest Campaign in 184 Years

  1. I just listened to the Laura Ingraham show and she tore Team Romney a new a**hole for being milquetoast. Just brilliant. Pretty much what you wrote. Did you see the video of Sununu killing, just destroying Andrea Mitchell? WOW so refreshing. Mitt has to do that immediately. Get Laura’s podcast and listen also…

  2. Romney is not the one!
    But, god up in heaven
    He’s no BO
    SORRY ROMNEY IS McCain
    But MO is NOT EVEN A Carter
    Where is a backbone
    So sick of the republicans pick! RHINO s
    When oh when will we get a candidate ?
    EVER ?
    This is our last chance
    If we hetb
    WE ARE DOOMED
    JUST A BUNCH OF NANCEY’S!

  3. Great advice to the Romney camp, Keith. I hope they listen. Don´t be impatient with Romneys present restraint, after the convention a statesman will appear, I am sure. He has declared that he will take a few trips abroad ( for example Israel ),he will be treated with great respect, media will be thrilled and compare the two. Let others do the really “dirty work” for him. He has no objections to Trumps political work here and Trump has stated that Romney shouldn´t reveal his taxrecords until Obama reveals his schoolrecords. Good. Romney doesn´t have to act and use personas like Obama. He is the tough, knowledgeable determined Boss with a great record and therefor he can treat Obama as an inferior in a subtle way. Media will take notice and Obama will go crazy. His mask is already crackling, did you notice his speech about entrepeneurs ? It was, according to Obama, government that created everything.

  4. Aw, poor little Keithy and his followers, that Obama is such a bully. Well, as Winston Churchill observed quoting Edmund Burke, politics ain’t beanbag, Bitchez. Ha ha.

  5. Brilliant piece, Keith! Unfortunately, you can lead a quarter horse to water, but….yada, yada.

    Romney’s missed opportunities are taking a toll. Obama is leading in the swing states while Romney sits on the sidelines. I know, I know…he’s waiting until the convention to get fired up – but Christmas is coming, too.

    If he doesn’t release his tax returns soon, even his staunchest supporters are going to begin to wonder if he indeed has something to hide. Sounds implausible after 7 years of campaigning….but stranger things have happened. When he does finally decide to release his returns, he should also release his Harvard academic records. By all accounts he was a brilliant student with the highest honors. Take that, Obama!

    ***Sorry, am unable to finish this post due to unforeseen circumstances. Just called the paramedics (not paralegals). While typing, I had PMSNBC running in the background. They just showed a clip called the “Kiss Cam” from last night’s basketball game. It shows the obnoxious Obama’s sitting in the front row – smooching like a couple of mentally challenged teenagers…while Biden looks on approvingly. The announcer calls it ‘Summer Love in the Air’ – barf, gag! The crowd is chanting “Four more years!”.

    Paramedics just arrived – it’s just a case of Obama Derangement Syndrome. Romney is the only known antidote for this condition!

    • Oh, no! Just your description gave me Head Exploding Attack! Dialing 911 as we speak.

      What’s weird is that some people will find that little picture charming and proof of how wonderful and ordinary The Ones are. They don’t watch horses prance around, they go to basketball (coded word: AfAm sport) games.

  6. He better come out swinging and start getting to it soon. Hopefully, there is a plan in there somewhere, waiting to unfold.
    Romney doesn’t have to be as down and dirty if that is the problem. Obama’s record and the treasure trove of clips of his two faced, lying, ridiculous statments should provide plenty of fodder for a wonderfully negative campaign.

  7. A little tidbit of info I’ve seen repeatedly, Obama has spent 100 million on ads to lose 5 points to Romney, now a virtual tie. (at this point in the Reagan-Carter duel, Reagan was behind 10 points eventually beating Carter by 7 in Nov80, the polls were off 17 points! And Obama is so much worse than Carter).

    I think Romney is keeping his powder dry til after the convention when he’s formally nominated and people start paying attention after Labor Day. In the meantime, I think the R campaign is just playing rope-a-dope with Team O.

    I love politics, it’s the only sport where fans can participate and we’re still very early in the game.

    Hang in there guys, the pundits need something to yap about to keep slow news summer moving. :D

    • this man is correct, although the article here is sharp. believe me, if you have to waste your artillery in mid july, you are in deep trouble. the people working on the romney campaign are indeed baby killers. just what this situation calls for. the american attention span (mine included) is minute. these so called attacks on romney are not working when the polls show a dead heat tie with a 4% margin of error and dems out polled by 10%. americans can only speak at the ballot box and the last time it was not pretty for the dems. things haven’t gotten better and people are significantly more ticked off now than 2 years ago. the obama is a liar ad was only a test shot across the bow. trust me on this. don’t lose faith. romney ain’t not great statesman – but then again, great stateman don’t run for public office anymore so we play the hand we’ve been dealt as gracefully as possible and look forward from pinocchio we have now.

      • “Great statesmen don’t run for office anymore.”

        Sad thought, but apparently true. Where is the Lincoln, the Washington, etc., who always rose during past crises and helped our nation.

  8. Don’t give too much damn credit to David Axelrod. It is pretty easy to make the american public believe anything if the entire media complex except for a few AM stations are in your back pocket. If we had that kind of support, we could make the american public think that a shoe horn was qualified to be president if we could get in printed on every front page in the nation.

  9. SOMEONE! PLEASE EMAIL THIS ARTICLE TO THE ROMNEY CAMPAIGN ASAP!!!

    Mr. Koffler you are SPOT ON about what Team Romney NEEDS to do!

    “Goriest camaign” in US History (?) = God Save the Republic.

  10. In addition, if I may add this.
    Romney needs to express his vision to the American people in clear and simple (bold and underline clear and simple), terms of HOW he is going to make things better and the STEPS he is going to use to do it. It is not enough to just fight back against The O Team smear tactics.
    In exchange for Romney’s tax records, we want to see Barry’s college records – all of them. Just releasing the tax records without getting something in return, is capitulation and appeasement, not negotiation. Capitulation and appeasement will just fuel the leftist pig’s fire, not put it out.
    Finally. Romney’s in a knife fight with The O Team? Then he needs to bring a bazooka to the game.

      • LOL! mentioning ‘Barack Hussein Obama’s’ “college records…

        I still dont understand how dozens-hundreds of students/alumni from Columbia or Harvard Law havent come out and said; “yes, I knew the Dear Leader in college…”

    • Why not just ask the director of the IRS to answer a yes or no question:Did Rommney pay any taxes in the last 10 years. He doesnt need to specify the amount or the year just yes or no. That would derail the idea that he didnt pay taxes. Too simple to work?

  11. There is so much to bring up on Obama, I am shocked Romney is trying to run a clean campaign.

    Michelle’s pay raises at the hospital she worked at.

    Voting for pork spending in Chicago and then looking at those folks who got the pork and their campaign contributions back to Obama (have silenced quite a few debaters on that one).

    ICE and Obama’s uncle and aunt……

    The vacations and trips on taxpayer expense….

    The billions lost on green jobs…..

    Stimulus money overseas….

    Do I have to do Mitt’s thinking for him or what?

    • Agree completely, jerry. However, thats why I think Mitt needs an attack dog type running mate (Hello, Chris Christie?) He seems too absorbed in remaining “Presidential” and is REALLY starting to scare me!

    • I tend to agree with you, however, Romney did not get where he is by being stupid.
      I see him as a chess player, possibly teasing Obama into a really bad position before he levels the guns.
      Obama certainly has produced tons of ammo that Romney can use against him.
      Obama is cocky.
      Romney is calculating.

    • Jerry, please EMAIL THE CAMPAIGN:
      You’re right: Obama didn’t “fail” — he succeeded — succeeded in his true goals of:

      the DESTRUCTION of the economy
      the DESTRUCTION of the currency
      the DESTRUCTION of the military
      the DESTRUCTION of our credit rating
      the DESTRUCTION of the housing market
      the DESTRUCTION of our energy production
      the DESTRUCTION of the jobs market
      …the DESTRUCTION of the American Way of Life!!!

      Please, all who post here: take 2 minutes to email the Romney TODAY right here with your comments and suggestions:
      http://www.mittromney.com/forms/suggestions

      If you take the time to comment on these posts, you can take 2 minutes and send your comments to the Romney campaign!

      I email them daily.

      Romney needs to know that we want to him to come out swinging and get on offense! “No more Mister Nice Guy” should be the theme of his campaign. He needs to directly call out the loser’s UNCONSTITUTIONAL government, his trashing of the rule of law and do a clear and complete laundry list of all of his DESTRUCTIVE policies!!!

  12. You are spot on Keith. I had a terrible feeling about Romney from the get go. He, like all establishment Republicans, are tough as nails on their conservative opponents, but treat their leftist opponents with kid gloves.

    Romney fought a nasty fight to win the nomination, now he’s got to get off his high horse and take the mittens off. Obama has the advantage because the sycophant 5th column media is on his side. Their filter has been damaged by conservative media, but it is still a potent force. Don’t let the bolsheviks define who and what you are Mitt. This election is way too important for politics as usual.

    • You have had your concerns Susan, and expressed them all along, and while I thought Romney was probably the best of the GOP candidates, I’ve always thought your assessment of him was spot on.

  13. Keith– Except for the insult to Quarter Horses and their owners you’re absolutely right– Quarter Horses are bred to be in the dirt and mud herding cows and stuff like that–for the most part their owners aren’t afraid to get dirty either- Thoroughbreds on the other hand are bred for shows and high stakes races..

    You; and most of your readers know, Romney could launch an new attack commercial every day between now and the election about something dirty in Obama’s past– It looks like Romney is expecting conservative blogger to do the dirty work for him–

    Kind of ironic in a way because Romney, and most of the GOP Establishment have made it clear they don’t think much of us hobbits– until they get their rear ends in a bind,, Then we’re supposed to bail ’em out…

    Grab a bucket, Romney and the Establishment won’t, it’s either that or sink with ’em..

    I’ll link this in a few minutes.

  14. Meanwhile, Obama’s JOBS CZAR, General Electric CEO Jeffery Immelt, goes unscathed. Yet, since Immelt took over GE in 2001, GE has been one of the top outsourcers of American jobs.

    And whereas Bain successfully increased shareholder value, GE’s adjusted share price has plummeted by about 65%. There’s nothing inherently wrong with Presidents who delegate. But if that’s their style, Theybshould at the very least appoint competent people.

  15. If Romney’s fear is saying or doing something that Obamao could use against him, then he’s a fool. Heck, it’s being implied by the liberturds that Romney’s a felon simply because he hasn’t released his tax returns. Can we expect Obamao to release his REAL birth certificate and college transcripts in return? No matter WHAT Romney says or does it will be ammunition for Obamao and his miserable little marxist minions.

  16. IMHO the biggest gift Obama has given the Romney campaign is the mud he slung at America’s entrepreneurs, small businesses, and any American who has taken it upon themselves to make something better. Forget the Bain crap. The longer he tries to defend this baseless lie the worse it will be. The Obama machine knows how to work a lie better than the devil himself.

    • Did you see the story on Drudge about how the Obama team is “going to use the new Batman movie with Bane” against Romney, gracepmc? I guess the point is that Mitt is to be compared to a dark, sinister evil doer in whats virtually a cartoon movie. What must our allies and enemies think of this as “strategy”?

      • Thanks. I did see this. I think stuff like this is crap — it’s like the next shiny object. There’s a whole segment of America that is Obama all the way and any appeal to them or puerile fantasies is useless IMHO. The other thing that drives me nuts is that all the focus is on Obama as if he’s the only one. Yes he’s the candidate. But the Democrat Party sold it’s soul to the Progressives and every policy that he espousing now should be shouldered by the Democrat Party as well. Make the Dems stand up and choose. I know it’s implied and taken care of off stage but I really think they should be linked as often as possible. I am seeing more and more Democrats for Romney orgs popping up. Not that they are for Romney but they are for policies and values that are compatible with Romney’s message and opposed enough to Obama’s policies and still loyal to what used to be the Democrat party. A fair number of swing voters might self identify as Dems. but how many would self identify as Obama Progressives? Apologies for the soap box and thanks for your pointing out the Democrats’ latest idea for tainting Romney.

  17. saw obama’s advice to the private sector the other day at a speech in Virginia. his advice was as follows-

    DROP DEAD!

    Big govt. bureaucrats create jobs, not you!

    Mitt oughta take that Progressive garbage and run with it as well as B.O.’s perfect record of failure, incompetence, Punish the Successful, etc etc.

    fact is, B.O. and joey biden couldn’t run a lemon-ade stand, BUT he can run a good SMEAR campaign with help of Progressive media and Hollywood bigshots.

    your advice to Mitt was good. he needs to be VERY aggressive if he’s going to beat the little Progressive phony in the WH. it will not be easy.

  18. Great piece and spot on about the kind of campaign we are seeing now. I wish that Romney would stop the stuttering and breathless exasperation about “this president is doing or has done.” No, start hammering on where we are. The results of all this “doing” is a disaster for the American People.
    And go negative.Take the gloves off and put on the brass knuckles.

  19. Romney shouldn’t forget about all the questionable/borderline/blatantly illegal things Obama/his admin. has done while in office (Fast and Furious, Sestak bribe to name just two). Hammer him on the economy, unemployment, wherever the average American can identify. Break it down and simplify it for us. Use sound bites for the attention-span-challenged. Bring up Obama’s lies and contrast them, on commercials, with what he’s said later to contradict HIMSELF (the illegal immigrant amnesty situation comes to mind). Bring back all the statements he made during the last election cycle about destroying the coal industry, power bills “necessarily” skyrocketing, all the things the rest of us heard back then that everyone else didn’t. Pair up what he said/did then to what he says/does now. Broadcast as much of this as absolutely possible on as many stations as possible so that no one has any excuse NOT to have seen it. Hammer, hammer, hammer, and then hammer some more. Go the Reagan route and ask “are you better off now than you were four years ago?” Make clear the point, if necessary, that it is not racist to disagree with bad/failed policies just because the person supporting those policies happens to be the nation’s first black president. Play some SERIOUS offense and make them go on defense. Oh, and use these four little words: “It. Is. A. TAX.” Every appearance, every debate, every time.

  20. Oh, and bring up the E. O.’s that he’s snuck under the radar while we’ve been otherwise preoccupied, like the latest one giving the government control over communications in a crisis. Ask WHY Obama feels it necessary to have this and other E. O.’s in place right now.

  21. You’re right: Obama didn’t “fail” — he succeeded — succeeded in his true goals of:

    the DESTRUCTION of the economy
    the DESTRUCTION of the currency
    the DESTRUCTION of the military
    the DESTRUCTION of our credit rating
    the DESTRUCTION of the housing market
    the DESTRUCTION of our energy production
    the DESTRUCTION of the jobs market
    …the DESTRUCTION of the American Way of Life!!!

    Please, all who post here: take 2 minutes to email the Romney TODAY right here with your comments and suggestions:
    http://www.mittromney.com/forms/suggestions

    If you take the time to comment on these posts, you can take 2 minutes and send your comments to the Romney campaign!

    I email them daily.

    Romney needs to know that we want to him to come out swinging and get on offense! “No more Mister Nice Guy” should be the theme of his campaign. He needs to directly call out the loser’s UNCONSTITUTIONAL government, his trashing of the rule of law and do a clear and complete laundry list of all of his DESTRUCTIVE policies!!!

  22. Getting in the mud in July will have worn out its welcome by November.

    Obama keeps slinging, and spending scads of money, but none of it is sticking, and the dial isn’t moving. If the economy worsens between now and November–which is a very good possibility–Romney may not have to do much more than watch Obama lower himself from “just another politician” to “sleazy politician,” and stay on the high road all the way to 16th and Penn.

    Of course, if he DOES start slinging–which, from all appearances, he’s saving for the fall, when voters actually start paying attention–he’s got more than enough ammunition. But going negative this early in the game runs the very real risk of jumping the shark with too much time on the clock.

    Romney appears to be willing to hold his fire, let Obama overplay his hand and his funds, and then close the sale simply by showing voters what a pathetic political creature Obama really is, as demonstrated by his performance in office AND ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL.

    Intriguing possibility: Romney may actually WANT to see Obama throwing out ineffective baseless charge after fruitless blatant lie this summer, so that he can turn around in the fall and say, “If he was lying about this in July, do you think he’s telling the truth in September?”

    Mitt’s been in this game a long time, and he knows how it’s played. If he knows how to get a royal-blue state like Taxachusetts to elect him as governor, I suspect he knows how to get swing states to elect him as president.