In an exclusive interview with White House Dossier early this morning at the White House, President Obama denied that he was proposing raising taxes on those making more than $250,000 per year, terming the idea a “penalty on success” instead.
“Isn’t that what conservatives call it?” Obama snickered. “So, there you go.”
Obama, who was found by White House Dossier ducking behind a tomato bush with a cigarette in the first lady’s vegetable garden, agreed to participate in a brief interview on the condition that White House Dossier not reveal that he was smoking.
The president, who was also sipping a milk shake, said people who make over $250,000 a year were abusing others and neglecting their responsibilities.
“Nobody claws their way to the top without stepping on some corpses,” Obama said. “By taking so much time to earn large salaries, these folks are either grabbing money that others could have or taking time away from their obligations to perform social work and prevent Japanese whaling. So a penalty is clearly in order.”
Obama argued that people who make more money had inherent advantages over those who do not.
“Just because someone was born with a willingness to work hard doesn’t mean he should prosper while someone who had the misfortune of being born lazy should not,” Obama said.
“I would argue that lazy people are in particular need of big screen TVs,” he continued. “My proposal would allocate some of the new cash the government receives to allow lazy people to purchase big screen TVs. And of course, remote controls.”
Obama insisted that the “penalty” would actually help small businesses people who incur it.
“People who run small businesses work too much, neglecting their families, their health, and their golf,” Obama said. “If I can tax them out of business, they can start working eight hours a day at a convenience store and lead happier lives.”
Obama denied that making his plan to penalize the rich a central portion of his campaign amounted to class warfare.
“Was it class warfare when Marx said, ‘Workers of the world unite?’ Or when Lenin lopped off the heads of the Kulaks? I don’t think so.”
It was at this point that White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew interrupted us.
“Mr. President, your shrimp cocktail is waiting for you in the Oval Office.”
Obama nodded. “Well, Keith, I’ve got to go. I have to take care of some of the nation’s important business during a meeting with my shrimp cocktail, and then I’m off to campaign.”
With that, he was gone. The president is spending the rest of the day on the campaign trail in Virginia.