Nobody really understands the rationale for the vote of Chief Justice Roberts to uphold Obamacare. He said it was because the consequence for not having insurance was a tax, and Congress has a clear right to tax us. Except, the law is explicit that it’s not a tax.
Weird. Until now.
Through substantial payoffs to starving Supreme Court law clerks, White House Dossier has uncovered the actual reasons why Roberts sided with the liberals. Some of the reasons may surprise you, but I think they are all more comprehensible than the explanation he actually offered.
1. Roberts was hoping the notoriety would get him a spot on Dancing with the Stars.
2. He was jealous of all the attention Justice Kennedy was getting.
3. Mistakenly used Constitution of Bolivia to decide the case.
4. Was still pissed off at Justice Thomas for putting a pubic hair in his soda.
5. Tired of hearing “Why are you such a damn conservative?” at Washington cocktail parties.
6. It was all just his way of flirting with Justice Ginsburg
7. Justice Sotomayor slipped something into the paella she cooked for him the night before oral arguments.
8. Stupidly consulted with Sarah Jessica Parker before making final decision.
9. Vote was misread due to hanging chad.
10. Thought he could take it back if he changed his vote within 90 days and had a receipt.