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Top Ten Reasons Roberts Voted to Uphold Obamacare

Nobody really understands the rationale for the vote of Chief Justice Roberts to uphold Obamacare. He said it was because the consequence for not having insurance was a tax, and Congress has a clear right to tax us. Except, the law is explicit that it’s not a tax.

Weird. Until now.

Through substantial payoffs to starving Supreme Court law clerks, White House Dossier has uncovered the actual reasons why Roberts sided with the liberals. Some of the reasons may surprise you, but I think they are all more comprehensible than the explanation he actually offered.

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1. Roberts was hoping the notoriety would get him a spot on Dancing with the Stars.

2. He was jealous of all the attention Justice Kennedy was getting.

3. Mistakenly used Constitution of Bolivia to decide the case.

4. Was still pissed off at Justice Thomas for putting a pubic hair in his soda.

5. Tired of hearing “Why are you such a damn conservative?” at Washington cocktail parties.

6. It was all just his way of flirting with Justice Ginsburg

7. Justice Sotomayor slipped something into the paella she cooked for him the night before oral arguments.

8. Stupidly consulted with Sarah Jessica Parker before making final decision.

9. Vote was misread due to hanging chad.

10. Thought he could take it back if he changed his vote within 90 days and had a receipt.

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17 Responses to Top Ten Reasons Roberts Voted to Uphold Obamacare

  1. IMO, MrRoberts did the one thing that the Dems feared the most; made the ACA a conglomeration of taxes on the lower middle class. The Dems, for all their rhetoric to the contrary, wanted desperately for this dog of a law to be shot down by a conservative majority. They knew that a majority of voters hated this law so that this law was directly responsible for the defeat and/or the retirement of many long time Congressional Dems.
    Now, they have to support it, embrace it and defend it all over again.
    The voters still hate the law,they want it defeated, stomped on, trashed, burned at the stake and then repealed.
    PrezObama and the Dems own the largest taxe ever levied now.

    • “….defeated, stomped on, trashed, burned at the stake”

      srdem, it’s a start, but I’d like to see the CJ in the middle of it.

  2. Make that three of us, Keith. I can’t laugh about Roberts’ theft of our freedom and liberty for generations to come. His betrayal is worse than anything Benedict Arnold accomplished.

  3. Perhaps because of my life experiences, I look at things with a gallows humor, in that vein, let me add:

    11. Rahm sent him pictures of Roberts’ and Ginsburg’s “personal liaison”
    12. Woke up day before the vote with a horse’s head under the covers of his bed.
    13. Obama promised him a chance to win a free dinner with him and Michelle
    14. Obama swore that if Roberts voted for Obamacare, he would dump Biden
    15. Was promised a life time supply of Obama tank tops if he switched votes
    16. Obama promised that the summer would be cool and comfortable if Roberts voted with the libs.

  4. If the Supreme Court said a penalty is unconstitutional — how can it “uphold” Obamacare? Obamacare is NOT a tax. Saying that a tax is constitutional is opinion that has nothing to do with the Obamacare legislation.

    Congress should now have to pass new legislation that contains a tax.

    Am I wrong?

    • No need for Congress to rewrite the legislation, because Roberts did it for them. That is what is so stunning – Roberts total usurpation of the Constitution.

  5. “Was still pissed off at Justice Thomas for putting a pubic hair in his soda.”

    Did we really have to revisit that little fiction from the confirmation hearings?