White House sources tell me Michelle flew into a jealous rage when informed of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s decision to limit soda sizes. She immediately gathered her staff in the East Wing and began creating a new set of proposals to reduce caloric consumption nationwide.
White House Dossier has obtained a copy of the proposals. We provide for your perusal here the ten most effective and innovative ideas on the first lady’s list.
1. Half & Half to be changed to Three Quarters & One Quarter.
2. McDonald’s employees required to apply electric shock to customers every time they say “Supersize it.”
3. All Marijuana imported into the United States must be specially formulated so as not to induce “the munchies.”
4. Donuts now required to have two holes.
5. Parents permitted to feed children vegetables via suppository.
6. Girl Scouts required to warn customers about the potential health risks of Girl Scout Cookies.
7. New “extra small” sodas in movie theaters served on a washcloth and must be sucked off.
8. Frozen yogurt must actually be frozen yogurt.
9. Hostess Cupcakes to be filled with mashed potatoes.
10. Federal law now prohibits unscrewing Oreos, eating the creme filling, and throwing out the cookies. Note: Mandatory jail time for performing this act using Double Stuff Oreos.
Heard of any of your own?